Second Chances
by waitingfornewmoon
Summary: What will Edward do when life offers him a Second Chance with his Bella? Full Summary inside AH/ E x B. Rated M for language and strong lemons.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, here is the first chapter of Second Chances. A lot of you have been asking for it for several weeks, and here it is. We have worked really hard on this first chapter, and have spent hours on the phone and on Yahoo IM going over every detail.**

**We would like to thank a fellow FanFictioner and real life friend of ours for being our beta.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight…**

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Our relationship started like something out of a fantasy. We were madly in love and wanted to spend eternity together. I closed my eyes for a moment and remembered that at one time, there had been an unexplainable chemistry between us. Mine and Bella's electricity could light up a dark room.

_**Flashback**_

Both fresh out of college, we met at the editing company where I went to work. She was a young aspiring author, and I would become her editor. I found her to be fascinating, smart and incredibly sexy. After working together on a daily basis for over a month, I finally decided to ask her out.

At first, I hadn't really planned on it being a date, but I knew I wanted to spend more time with her. Going home to an empty apartment and jerking off to my visions of her beautiful body, luscious lips, and gorgeous face was no longer enough. We hit it off so well and truly enjoyed being together; finding we really had a lot in common. We continued dating and took our time getting to know one another. Each date ended in a fabulous make out session; since neither one of us could keep our hands to ourselves.

Eventually, one thing lead to another and the fireworks flew. I swear to God her body was made for mine. I never knew sex could be so fantastic. Somehow she anticipated my every need and desire. Since most women usually threw themselves at me, sex was never a challenge. Bella on the other hand made me work for it. I had to wait for the sex until I was on the verge of explosion, but she was worth every minute of the wait. If I'm being honest, I loved the chase. She could get me hard just walking into the room, but sex wasn't the only great thing between us. She was the most amazing woman in and out of the bed. Bella and I complimented each other; bringing out nothing but the best.

We dated for about six months and decided to make it forever. We had just purchased our house and invited our family and close friends over for what they thought was a black tie house warming party coupled with a formal dinner.

We sent out detailed invitations instructing everyone to dress appropriately and to arrive promptly at 8:00 pm for the dinner and surprise entertainment. Talk of the "surprise" overtook the elaborate candle lit dinner; creating a buzz in the atmosphere. By the time our guests had finished with dinner, they were completely consumed with anticipation.

Finally, Bella and I stood at the head of the long dining room table and made the announcement to the frenzied group. They waited with baited breath as we explained that we had actually invited them over to witness us declare our undying love and devotion. And, that we would be honored if they would gather together in the backyard to attend our intimate candle lit wedding.

The crowd gasped in chorus and all but ran to take their seats surrounding the pool. Overjoyed with excitement, they never even noticed that Bella and I had disappeared to go change into our wedding attire.

Alice, Bella's best friend, and her husband Jasper were in on the plan. As soon as dinner had begun; they went to work in the backyard creating the most romantic wedding backdrop you have ever seen.

Continuing with the candle light theme, they littered the pool, the waterfall, the deck, and every other possible space in between with what seemed like a million lit candles of varying sizes. This magnificent sight brought tears to my eyes as I waited for my Bella to join me before the altar.

With only the light of the moon and the flickering candles, we said our vows and were graciously welcomed as husband and wife by the delighted crowd.

Following the ceremony, Bella and I mingled separately never removing our eyes from each other; both imagining our first night together as a married couple. Alice is one sharp cookie and noticed our eagerness to be alone. Our ever present chemistry and love we felt for one another consumed us both that night; making it impossible to focus on anything but each other, even if it was from across the room. As soon as it was appropriate, Alice started ushering people out the front door saying, "You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here."

Eventually, people caught on and started leaving at their own accord.

As we said our 'goodbyes' to the last of our guests, I shut the door trapping Bella against it firmly; smothering her with long deep kisses letting her know how much I loved her. My hips were drawn to her and I brought our bodies together. My arms instinctively wrapped themselves securely around her waist, "God, I have been waiting all night to do this to you. You don't know how hard it has been to have to share you." I closed my eyes and tilted my forehead to hers.

"I know, God I know. All I can think about is having you in me," she breathed out between kisses, letting her sweet breath hit my face.

I scooped her up and carried her bridal style into our bedroom. Her breath hitched at the sudden movement, and she clung tightly never breaking our kiss. Bella's hands curled around my neck and grabbed hold of my hair as we made our way back to our room.

I gently placed her on her feet at the foot of our bed and slowly slid her silky form fitted gown down along the curves of her breathtaking body. "I will never get used to your beauty. You amaze me," I said as her hands feverishly removed me from the confines of my shirt. I smiled at her urgency. Her clothes, along with my shirt, eventually floated to the floor and pooled at our intertwined feet.

Seeing her stand there wearing nothing but the ring I had given her earlier in the evening, made my heart melt. I kissed her and covered her entire body in delicate loving touches. The sounds of our breathing and lustful murmurs filled the otherwise quiet room.

I released her from my hold and dropped to my knees; "Sit down baby," I instructed as I gently guided her back onto the bed. I gently spread her striking legs; exposing her glistening essence, so I could feast on her delicious juices and take in her wonderful scent.

I palmed her lovely foot and softly rested it on top of my shoulder to make my work easier. We locked eyes, and I began placing delicate feather light kisses; starting from her ankle and working my way up. I groaned at the satisfying taste of her sweet skin, and added to her sensation by using my teeth to graze and bite my way up her inner thigh.

"Mmm Bella, I bet you taste so good." I knew exactly how she tasted; I just wanted her to know where I was headed. I wanted her to wallow in anticipation for me.

I traced my way along her outer folds; teasing her with my lips and tongue, causing her to writhe and groan in delight. "Edward, please, I want you to taste me." She was barely audible, and I smiled against her hairless lips. I loved it when she begged me like that. I could tell she wanted me and was ready to take me in her extremely wet pussy. Not wanting to give into her yearning just yet, I simply danced my tongue around her clit applying varying degrees of pressure.

Her head was thrashing from side to side, and she was begging me to find a rhythm.

"P-l-e-a-s-e," she said with each letter drawn out; yeaning for more. "Edward, eat me now. Make me come, baby," even though she said it in a breathless whisper, I could tell this was not a request, it was a demand.

_Holy shit! God I love this woman,_ Bella had never said that before. Her words made me harden further, and I groaned against her sensitive flesh. I ran my tongue slowly from her entrance to her clit, "Mmm, I was right. You taste delicious." I glanced up in time to catch a smile stretching across her face because of my compliment.

"Edward," she pleaded.

"You are going to have to wait, sweetheart. I am not finished with you yet."

I could tell that if I continued to tease her clit she would lose it, and tonight I wanted us to come together. I continued up her body, stopping momentarily to plunge my tongue into her belly button; swirling it around a time or two. The sensation caused her to gasp for air and arch her back; lifting her torso up off the bed.

Using the tip of my nose on her soft skin, I traveled up toward her stunning breasts blowing cool bursts of air; ultimately causing goose bumps to form on her skin. My hands gracefully moved from her hips on up to the sides of her breasts, before taking her arms up over her head and pinning her hands to the bed.

Ravaging one of her hardened nipples with my mouth, I took one of my hands and tweaked the other between my fingers. "Ahhhh Edward. I love the way you touch me." Her voice was ragged and desperate, and I smiled; loving the way her body responded to me.

I felt the sudden urge to tell her how I loved her, "I love your body; your curves, your smell, the way you taste, and the way you sound when I am pleasuring you. I need to feel every part of your outside, before I feel the inside."

Bella moaned and pleaded breathlessly for me to get to the point; craving her release. I wasn't sure how much longer I could go without being inside of her. I furthered my journey, licking my way along her collar bone and on up her eloquent neck.

Following her jaw line, I nibbled and kissed until I landed at her ear lobe. Taking it into my mouth, I grazed it with my teeth and bit down slightly. The pain mixed with the pleasure sent a shivered moan sailing through her luscious lips. Her sounds shot straight to my cock. I was more than ready to submerge myself in her.

I teased her further by trailing my hand down her lovely body and slid a finger into her pussy. My unexpected action, combined with the sudden attack of my mouth on hers left her teetering on the edge. "Yes Edward! I want to come for you. Please let me."

_That's right baby, it's for me, always for me._ I broke our passionate kiss and leaned my forehead to hers. "Are you ready baby?" I asked my perfect angel; while looking deeply into her eyes. The strained sound of my voice didn't surprise me. It was taking everything I had to take keep from ravaging her.

She nodded, begging me for more with her lust filled eyes. Her hands instantly moved to remove my pants; pushing them down my legs with her feet while grinding her hips into my rock hard erection.

I whispered in a voice full of seduction, "Do you want me to _fuck _you hard or soft tonight, my love?" Her sexy eyes said one thing and her innocent smile said another. God she was beautiful, laying there wanting nothing but for me to fulfill her every need.

"I don't care; I just need you inside me. And I need you now!" _My feelings exactly. _My need to bury myself in her became too much for me to handle, so I set myself into motion. I lightly ran circles around her clit with the tip of my cock and added a little more pressure with each pass. She groaned and begged as I followed the wet trail down to her awaiting entrance. She grabbed my ass with her heels and vigorously pulled me toward her, as I forcefully penetrated her. She clenched her walls around me, and it sent chills all the way down to my toes. I had to close my eyes tightly to keep from coming right then.

"God, I love the way you feel inside me. I want you to fuck me, and don't stop until we can come together," Her voice was demanding and sultry. _Fuck,_ I loved it when she talked like that.

I knew I would have to move slowly or her firm grip on my erection would force me to come sooner than I planned. "God sweetheart you are so tight." I whispered as I kissed and nipped along her neck. When she finally adjusted to my size, I steadily thrust using her "G" spot as my target. I felt my impending orgasm start to creep up on me, so I used my thumb to focus on the bundle of nerves between us. Bella responded with an insistent moan. She was on the verge, just like I was, and I bent down taking one of her lively nipples into my mouth. I bit down; while swirling my tongue around the tip.

"God, yes! Ahhh…harder baby. Fuck me harder, Edward," she said, with a strained and breathless whisper. I did as I was told; slamming into her with force.

Whenever the position allowed, I insisted on watching her lose control. To watch her lovely face as she hit her peak was a reward in itself.

There was something about her face when she came, and the fact that I had been the one to cause the gorgeous spasm, that nearly turned me inside out. My need for release was building, and my thrusts got harder; as I desperately tried to get her to go first.

"Oh God, baby!" I groaned, as I felt her start to clench, "That's it Bella. Come hard for me baby." Seeing her writhe beneath me and feeling her walls tighten around me harder than ever, launched my own climax.

We called each other's names in unison as we both enjoyed the moment. We lay there together exhausted, sweaty, and breathless, contemplating the absence we knew we would feel once we were no longer connected. Her fingers combed through my dampened hair as I kissed the salty moisture on her forehead and then licked her bottom lip; igniting an affectionate kiss.

As she pulled away, her eyes closed and a familiar smile filled her face. I rolled over, grazing her shoulder with my lips, "I love you, Mrs. Cullen." I loved the sound of her new name rolling off my tongue. Swan would still be her Pen Name, but legally, she was a Cullen.

She looked up at me; smiling through her sleepy eyes, "You are the love of my life. You are everything I never knew I always wanted, and now I have you forever."

Her endearing words took my breath away. I knew that her skills as a writer had allowed her to come up with something greater than anything I could have ever come up with on my own. "Ditto," Was the only thing I could say. We laid there kissing softly for several minutes before sleep finally over took us both.

_**End Flashback**_

It had been a little over four years since that day and now here I was, sitting at a local coffee shop; waiting on _her_ as usual. Saying this was going to be a great day would have been a lie. In the grand scheme of things, the last year of our marriage had not played out the way I intended. If someone had told me that within five years, we would be going down this road, I wouldn't have believed them.

In the beginning, Bella and I were so in love; happier than either one of us had ever been before. We could not wait to get married and live our happily ever after. That beautiful thought was apparently not in the cards for us. I can't exactly pin point when things started going bad, and damn it to hell, if it did not take me totally by surprise. It was literally so gradual, that neither of us noticed that we were falling out of love, until it was too late.

Today was the day I would be free from her, from us, and free from the confines of the unrecognizable thing that our marriage had become. I knew that a sense of relief was about to wash over me, and it gave me unwelcomed butterflies. An unimaginable amount of pressure would be lifted from my shoulders today. I would be free to move on with my life.

_God help the bastard who gets her next. _

The thought of her being with someone else didn't even seem to bother me; like it once did. I was officially over it; over her.

Bella and I had become vindictive and spiteful toward each other; saying anything we could to cut the other one as deeply as possible. We were each other's own personal punching bag, and neither of us seemed to feel the slightest bit of remorse for intentionally saying hateful things.

At this point in her career, Bella was a bestselling author. At first I felt nothing but pride for her; for both of us really. Now, all I felt was contempt for her _and_ her fucking career. She didn't care about anything but her writing. She lost herself in it completely, leaving me alone without the Bella I once loved and adored.

As the path of an author goes, she started to go on more and more book tours; which meant that she spent less and less time at home. I began to resent the fact that I was her editor. In my eyes, I was the one enabling her absence; helping to tear us further apart.

As the old saying goes….absence makes the heart grow fonder, yeah, not so much in our case. The more she was gone, the less she even seemed to notice me as her husband. We would send short texts here and there, and we would have short phone conversations while she was on the road; but nothing meaningful. The conversations consisted of nothing but work related issues. Eventually, we even stopped saying "I love you" when we would end our phone calls.

We had totally given up even attempting to make love. Neither of us seemed one bit interested in each other. We hadn't done 'it' in over a year. Sex is an unappealing concept when you don't even like your significant other.

As I strolled down the preverbal memory lane from hell, I couldn't help but let the memory of our last heated argument seep into my thoughts. It was one of our nastier fights; causing me to believe that we should just sever all ties.

_**Flashback**_

While out on her latest cross country book tour, we argued over the phone and agreed that a divorce was the only thing that would help us both regain some semblance of happiness. As the discussion escalated, we both admitted that we were no longer in love. With the conversation becoming more and more vicious, we ended up hanging up on each other; leaving no hope for reconciliation.

We decided that life was just too short to be this miserable. I never thought it would come to this, and it saddened me significantly to know that I had somehow failed her.

The night I knew she would be returning from her tour, I waited in the kitchen for her to get home; so I could tell her I was done with all the bullshit. I was really just tired of trying and getting nowhere with her. She was not going to change, and I knew it.

She walked in and leaned up against the counter in front of me with her arms folded condescendingly across her chest. I could tell by her body language that her stance was a defense mechanism and knew that this was not going to go well.

_Can't say I'm surprised. _

"So, do you have anything to say?" She asked with a hint of venom in her voice. She was attempting cool, but I knew better.

Did _I _have anything to say? Was she implying that this was my fault? Did she want _me _to apologize for something? Is she _fucking _kidding me?

I was instantly infuriated, but tried to control it. J_ust say what you have to say and get the hell out of here, _I told myself.

"Yes, actually I do," I took a deep breath. "I got my own apartment while you were gone, and I have already moved out." The lack of surprise on her face didn't shock me. As I was saying the words, I reached in my pocket to grab my keys. I flipped through and found the one for the house. Opening the jaws of the circular metal ring, I quickly removed the house key and tossed it across the counter where she stood.

The satisfied smile that spread across her face only fueled my fury.

"You know? That was good thinking on your part," she laughed sadistically through her words. "Because, you have lost your goddamn mind if you think I am moving out of the house that was purchased with my money." She gestured to herself.

I shook my head begrudgingly. We were back to her throwing _her _money up in my face? We both made fantastic livings, but she made a little more than me. This fact was thrown up in my face on a regular basis now. Over the past year, the words "our money" no longer applied. It was either my money or her money. She had developed somewhat of a superiority complex, and that was just one more reason I resented her.

I felt my blood begin to boil. "You know what Bella? Without me editing your crap, "your" books would never make the best seller list; much less sell at all." I took a deep breath and aimed right for the jugular, "You couldn't make two sentences flow together if you threw them into a raging river. We made our money together. So, this whole _your _money _my _money bullshit, is a ridiculous argument." I didn't need to take another breath. The heartless words flowed like poetry from my mouth, "But, I guess I shouldn't hold that against you. After all, it is the only leg you have to stand on when trying to find something to use against me."

Neither of us was yelling yet, but that didn't mean that what we were saying didn't leave its mark.

Her voice was the first one to increase in volume, and I considered this a point for team Cullen.

Score Board:

Cullen: 1 Swan: zip

I watched as her fingers dug into the skin of her arms that were still folded across her chest, "It's the argument I use, because I know you can't stand it!" She didn't even take a breath before continuing. "I hate you for pressuring me to take some time off; to stop writing when you know it's the one thing I love."

"I never wanted you to quit writing! All I wanted was some sort of balance between our work and our personal relationship! You clearly can't seem to manage both. What the fuck happened to you?" I shook my head, when I realized that I was now yelling at her too. I didn't know what pissed me off more, the situation, or the fact that she knew precisely how to push every last one of my buttons.

"Happened to me?" She gestured to herself with a look of shock on her face. "What the fuck happened to you? I'm not the one who changed. You are! You became this needy overbearing asshole!" Her arms were flailing about, and she was pointing sternly at me every time she used the word 'you' when referring to me.

"If I have changed, it's only because _you _changed _me _by becoming a cold hearted bitch! You shut me out completely; ignoring me and focusing solely on your writing. You have become the most selfish and spiteful person I have ever met!" I was now yelling at the top of my lungs, and I could tell my face was red because of the heat radiating from it.

Score Board:

Cullen: 2 Swan: 1

_DAMN! She is such a bitch!_

She gasped because of my words, "Fuck you! You give me way too much credit. People change because they want to; not because they are forced! And, to be honest, I don't even care anymore. You don't affect me the way used to. I have grown absolutely bored with you Edward."

_Ouch! That one stung. _If she felt any remorse for that last sentence, she sure as hell didn't show it. I felt my teeth clench together, as I remembered how she used to melt when I gave her certain looks, and the way her skin would respond to the slightest of my touches. _Wow, things have certainly changed._

We sat there for a moment glaring at each other, letting the sounds of our heavy breathing fill the room.

This was the same broken record; the fight that went nowhere. Winning the argument was the only thing we cared about, and it didn't matter what we did or said to gain the upper hand. Bella and I blamed each other for every little thing that had gone wrong in our relationship and did our best to point the finger at each other any chance we got. We were too damn proud to admit that we had both played equal parts in our demise.

I decided to go ahead and end this round of arguing before it got any worse. I broke the tense silence, "Look, the only reason I am even here tonight is to tell you that I got my own apartment, and I have moved out. As far as I'm concerned, we are done!" I turned to walk away and delivered my final jab, "You'll be hearing from my attorney."

Bella of course, had to have the last word. "No! I think you'll be hearing from mine!"

As I closed the large cedar door behind me, something heavy hit the wood from the inside. It was clear that whatever she threw, didn't survive the impact. I heard the sound of glass shattering as it hit the floor. I looked back at the door and stared at it for a moment; thinking about how disappointed I was to be in this situation. I thought we were better than this, but apparently not.

I closed my eyes when I felt a knot form in my throat. Part of me wanted to go to her and apologize for everything I said. Well, almost everything. The part about her being a horrible writer wasn't true, and I really did feel bad for that _sorry ass_ comment. I was just so mad and once again hit below the belt.

I couldn't go back in there now and apologize. _I'm sorry._ I said silently. The 'I'm sorry' wasn't just for her and tonight. It was for everything. I got in my car and headed back to my empty apartment to wallow in my misery.

I didn't bother turning on any lights once I was home. I went straight to the freezer and grabbed the fresh bottle of vodka. I sat down on my new leather sofa and took a swig straight from the bottle. Sitting there; drowning my sorrows, I continued to think about her and all I was sorry for….._I'm sorry for everything, for not being enough, for whatever I did that made you bored with me. I'm sorry for telling you that you couldn't make two sentences flow together. You're a beautiful writer. You know you are. I'm sorry for not telling you that I loved you more; for not kissing you more, for not hugging you more. _

My brain was fuzzy. I pressed my palms to my eyes trying to push it all away. I knew it wasn't all my fault, but I would take the blame if it would fix things.

In my blurred state, I grabbed my phone and let my thumb hover over her speed dial button. Reluctant to make the call, I changed my mind and decided I couldn't do it. It was too late. Suddenly, it was hard to breathe. She was gone. We were gone.

That night I drank myself into a drunken stupor, trying to overcome my impending loss. I was mourning us, and the end to what we once were.

_**End Flashback**_

Coming back to reality, I felt a deep lingering sorrow. The memory of that day still pained me. We hadn't always been this way. Was I sure this was what I wanted?

_Think about what you are about to do Edward. _

I was getting ready to divorce the woman who at one time had loved me with such fire and passion, that no one else could ever be her equal.

_Have we tried everything? Have we said everything we needed to say? Is divorce the only way out? _

Yes, was the answer to all of those questions. There was no way to fix it. Even if it wasn't what I wanted, I knew it was what she wanted.

The vicious things we said to each other over the past year and our equally shared resentment made this a done deal. We had been verbally damaged by one another. We swam so far away from the shore without looking back, that we were drowning by the time either of us realized how deep the water was.

I had thought through all of this at least a thousand times. I searched for the solution, but came up empty handed each time. I deeply wished there was actually such a thing as a 'do over.' A chance to go back and change it would have been welcomed with open arms.

I had moved out two months ago, agreeing to leave her with all that was once ours. Truth be told, I didn't care. I just didn't want to fight anymore. Since separating, I had come to the sad conclusion that we were better off away from each other; away from the turmoil of it all.

What Bella didn't know was that I had been dating someone else for the last five weeks. It was nothing serious, but I found myself feeling numb and lonely; needing something to occupy my time.

I met Tanya at the gym one night after work. She came up to me and asked if I could help her with a weight machine; which of course I did. We started talking and hit if off. She laughed at my jokes, flirted, and smiled; seeming genuinely interested in me. It was the first time I felt desired in such a long time. It felt nice. I knew it wasn't the same as being with Bella. No one could make me feel the way she did, but Tanya was nice and she made me feel good for a change.

I needed to be with someone who wanted me for me; not someone who used me as a business associate. Though, I had made it very clear to her on several occasions that I wasn't looking for anything serious, Tanya didn't seem to care. I was really just in this little fling to try and fill a void. Was I in love with her? No. Was she a warm body to fill another need? Yes.

Part of me wondered what she thought was going to happen once I was divorced. The other part of me didn't care. Tanya was well aware of the nasty divorce I was going through, she knew that there was no chance of another marriage for a while, if ever. Sometimes I felt guilty, like maybe I was just using her; but again she had been warned.

The fact that I had been living in my own apartment for the two months helped me justify this infidelity, so to speak. I knew it was over with Bella. I further justified my actions by the fact that we had already agreed on a divorce and the papers had already been filed.

We had agreed to meet at 10:00 am this morning at our local boutique coffee shop. It was decided on as neutral ground; leveling the playing field so to speak. She had asked me to meet at "our" house, but I didn't want to give her the home court advantage. I had suggested my apartment, but I guess she didn't want me to have the advantage either.

As the minutes passed while I waited for Bella, I grew more and more frustrated. This was so typical of her. The fact that Bella was late only proved that we were in fact making the right decision. _She didn't even care enough about me to be on time to sign our fucking divorce papers; damn her._ I sat there sipping my coffee and shaking my head, _figures. _I glanced down at my watch; noticing that it was already 10:30. I had been waiting for thirty minutes. _Fuck, she doesn't care about anyone but herself._

I looked out the window; trying to see if I could get a glimpse of her passing car.

_Nope! No Bella_.

It was early May in Dallas. The weather gets pretty nasty in the spring time; complete with horrible thunder storms and countless tornado warnings. Today was a typical spring day, and a spontaneous thunderstorm shadowed over the city. The thick cloud cover made it dark and the sky almost had a green tint to it. I tried to look through the downpour that hit with such torrential force that it ricocheted back off of whatever it hit.

Finally, I spotted her standing across the street, holding a flimsy umbrella and making a pointless attempt to shield herself from the sideways blowing wind. She was getting drenched despite her efforts.

Even though I was on the verge of hating her, to say she wasn't beautiful would be a lie. She had a perfect body, long dark hair that most women would kill to have, and the most lovely milk chocolate eyes you have ever seen. Even windblown and soaking wet, she was still the most beautiful woman I had ever laid my eyes on. I actually shook my head when I realized that after everything we had been through, my body still reacted to the sight of her. I had to remind myself that her beauty, as far as I was concerned, was overshadowed by her newly developed callused attitude and selfishness.

I couldn't help but chuckle as I saw her lift one of her wet feet to examine her high heeled shoes. _Yeah that's right, they're wet. Maybe if you cared about everyone else the way you care about yourself, you wouldn't be ruining a pair of shoes that probably cost you three hundred dollars._

She put her foot back down and glanced across the street to the coffee shop and seemed to spot me instantly. When we made eye contact, there was something different about her. She smiled the most beautiful smile I have ever seen. Her eyes were sparkling and her face was filled with happiness. She appeared softer and more tender than she had in a long time.

_What the hell is she thinking about, did she run over a small child or something?_

I was instantly confused. _Well, this is a mind fuck!_ Was she happy to see me or was she feeling and looking this way because she was relieved to be putting _us_ behind her?

_Is this really happening? Am I misinterpreting her expressions?_ At that moment, I didn't care. I couldn't help but smile. I gave her the most loving and affectionate grin I could. The sudden thought that we may be making a mistake crept into my mind. _Do I still love her?_

She pulled her eyes from mine and looked both ways to make sure there weren't any cars coming, as she prepared to make a run for it. I watched as she stepped out into the street right into a huge puddle of water; further ruining her high dollar shoes.

Her tight pencil skirt and heels made running more difficult than she had anticipated. I shook my head and sighed heavily as I watched her. Suddenly, a strong gust of wind blew through, nearly knocking her over. The powerful gust whistled through the crack in the door of the coffee shop and simultaneously turned her umbrella inside out. I stood briefly on gentlemanly instinct, thinking I should help her. For some reason, I felt the need to run out and protect her. In the end, my childish need to prove a point took precedence, and I decided against it; sitting back down in my chair.

She had to stop running half way through the intersection to try and get control of the situation. Meanwhile, one of her shoes had come off, and she hobbled back a few feet to pick it up. She was bent over grabbing her shoe, when I saw it out of the corner of my eye.

_Does that driver see her? _I furrowed my eyebrows trying to get a better look. Bella was standing directly in the car's path. I glanced between Bella and the car several times, trying to will it to stop. _Look up Bella! Look up! _My heart skipped several beats, and I stood quickly; spilling my coffee all over the floor. I winced when I realized she wasn't going to see it.

She was still standing in the middle of the street; losing the battle with her flimsy umbrella. I reached the door and pushed it open with excessive force. Now standing outside in the heavy rain, I hollered desperately, "Bella!" She looked up at me questioningly, completely oblivious to her surroundings.

It happened so fast; mere seconds. The car skid across the slick pavement and turned its wheels in an effort to avoid hitting her head on. _Oh my God! _I screamed her name one more time, "Bella!" My adrenaline kicked in, and my hands balled themselves into fists at my sides. I closed my eyes tightly, trying to block out what was about to happen. _No, no, no, no. _Then I heard it, the skidding of tires working hard to gain traction when there wasn't any. I was too late.

The sound of crushing metal mixed with Bella's screaming, forced me to open my eyes. I was barely able to comprehend what I had just witnessed. I blinked several times trying to change the scene before me. I felt terror and pain as I let the mayhem sink in. Devastation crept through me, and I ran for the woman I loved.

* * *

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	2. Chapter 2

**Hi guys, we're back. **

**Please see author's notes at the bottom. **

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.**

_The sound of crushing metal mixed with Bella's screaming, forced me to open my eyes. I was barely able to comprehend what I had just witnessed. I blinked several times trying to change the scene before me. I felt terror and pain pass through me as I let the mayhem sink in. Devastation crept through me, and I ran for the woman I loved._

Horror flooded over me when my tear filled eyes settled on her limp body lying in the street next to the car that struck her. I hovered over her blinking repeatedly, as I shook my head trying to deny the scene before me. _Snap out of it Edward. _

I fell to my knees and surveyed her body, looking for any obvious broken bones. She looked badly banged up with scratches scattered over her beautiful face. I noticed one wound in particular just inside her hairline and above her forehead that was bleeding slightly. I wiped the blood from her forehead not wanting it to seep into her eyes. I hovered over her instinctively, trying to protect her. Her eyes were closed, and I couldn't tell if she was even breathing.

Desperate to see if she was still alive, I placed my fingers on the side of her neck to feel for her pulse. _God please, please._ I begged. I wasn't prepared to lose her this way and a feeling of devastation crept over me. She was non-responsive, but I was able to feel her pulse beating beneath my shaking fingers. _Thank God_. She was alive, but unconscious. An immediate sense of relief swept through my body.

I spoke her name hoping to wake her, "Bella, are you there? Can you hear me? Wake up Sweetie." I tried not to sound as panicked as I felt. If she could hear me, I did not want to scare her any further. I wasn't sure how much pain she would be in when she came to, but I knew she would be frightened and confused. I wanted her to find comfort and reassurance in my voice. _Stay strong for her Edward._ _She needs you now more than ever._

The rain still hadn't let up, and I tried to close the blazer to her little suit in a feeble attempt to shield her from the rain. My efforts were pointless as we were both soaked to the bone.

Finally, she slowly awoke and began to move. When she tried to sit up from her laying position, I moved toward her. Gently placing both of my hands on her shoulders I lowered her head onto my lap. "Bella, please don't move too much. What hurts? Are you okay?" I knew I was giving her the rapid fire list of questions, but I had to hear voice. I had to hear her words. Selfish, I know. But, I needed to know for my own piece of mind that she was alright.

Struggling to speak, she whispered my name, "Edward." As I watched her face for any and all indications, I saw what I thought might be a tear escaping from her eye. She looked so fragile and my heart broke for her. I would have given anything to trade places with her. _Hold it together, Dude!_

I looked around and noticed her overpriced shoes, the ones that had actually caused the accident, were no longer on her feet. I saw one lying next to her foot, and I didn't give a shit where the other one was. Her purse was still attached to her shoulder but a few of the contents had leaked out onto the ground.

"Oh my God!" I heard the driver of the car say as she got out. "Is she okay? I tried to stop. I promise I did. Oh my God! I can't believe this has happened!"

_No Shit woman. _I didn't even have the strength to get mad at the driver. I was too focused on making sure Bella was going to survive. "I don't know, call 911."

"I already did." I heard the panicked voice of another witness. "They're on their way."

I could tell that she was going into shock. I held her delicate hand as she fell back into an unconscious state. My own shock set in, and I began to tremble while we waited for the ambulance to arrive. _Chill out! She is going to be fine._ My adrenaline still hadn't let up, and I started to chastise myself. _Jesus Edward, you should have gone to help her when you first felt the need to do so. You are such an asshole! This is entirely your fault._

Bella and I had our problems, but I would never have wished this on her. She had been my wife for the last four years, and I would always love her to some degree. I may not be _in love_ with her now, but I would always want what's best for her. She did not deserve this no matter how badly she had treated me.

Staring down at her, a knot formed in my throat. I caressed her bruised and slightly lacerated face to try to calm her. "Hang on baby," I whispered. I shocked myself; I hadn't called her "Baby" in so long. It slipped out, but saying the simple little word seemed to calm me a little.

When the paramedics finally arrived they rushed to Bella and began to assess the situation. One medic asked the questions and the other examined her. Not knowing the extent of her injuries, the paramedics took every precaution. They gently slipped a brace around her neck and carefully moved her onto a stretcher.

It wasn't until they removed her from my hold that I noticed the excessive amount blood coming from the back of her head. I looked down at myself and noticed I had Bella's blood all over my jeans and white t-shirt. The blood was already in the process of rinsing off of my shirt because of the rain, so it looked more pink than red.

"Oh my God! Her head!" I shouted as I pointed hysterically to her injury; alerting the paramedics to my discovery. I guess my own shock prevented me from seeing the gruesome details of this horrible nightmare.

"Sir, please calm down. We see it." They quickly loaded Bella into the ambulance and motioned for me to get in. I climbed into the back and told him everything that I had seen.

They started working on Bella further evaluating her injuries, and we took off with sirens blaring. Bella was quiet and very still as we speed to the awaiting trauma team. I, on the other hand, started rambling and spitting out words faster than I could form my thoughts.

For some reason, I felt the need to tell these guys everything in detail. Not just about the accident, but about us and how we had been meeting to sign divorce papers. I even pulled them slightly out of my shirt pocket to show him the thick envelope.

I felt like I was confessing; trying to get myself out of the eternal burn for the things I had been thinking about her just minutes before the accident. It didn't matter if there was any truth to what I had been thinking. I could faintly hear myself speaking, but it didn't feel real; a very surreal out of body experience might describe it perfectly.

My breathing was erratic, and I noticed my hands flailing about as I spoke. Finally, I grabbed Bella's hand and let my head fall to rest gently against her chest. _I am so sorry for not being there to protect you._ I can't be sure, but I think I apologized out loud. I felt Bella squeeze my hand in her state of semi-consciousness, and it gave me the strength to sit up.

The paramedic put his hand on my shoulder, "It's okay man. Take a deep breath and try to relax. We don't need you passing out too. The best thing you can do for her now is remain calm."

I looked at the paramedic and took a deep breath to show him I was going to be okay. I took a few more deep breaths and closed my eyes, only to replay the entire accident again. Trying to remove the horrible images from my mind's eye, I shivered and released the breath I didn't realize I had been holding. I swore to myself that I would forever block those unsightly pictures from ever invading my head again. Finally, I opened my eyes when I felt like I had gained some control over my emotions.

Holding her hand gave me comfort, and I hoped on some level that it did the same for her. She had to know that I wouldn't abandon her now. I wanted her to want me here, despite our issues. The thought of her not needing me by her side, supporting her recovery, made my heart ache.

I held onto her hand until we pulled up to the emergency entrance, and I watched as the paramedic began removing something from her ear. "What are you doing?" I asked in a confused tone.

"I am removing her jewelry. We don't know exactly what's wrong with Bella and there will be x-rays and other types of imaging involved to determine the full extent of her injuries. She won't be able to wear any of her jewelry, and I want to make sure that it does not get lost in the shuffle."

I understood and scanned her body looking for more pieces. My eyes stopped roaming when they reached her left hand. _Is that? Is that her wedding ring? It couldn't be._ I reached across her body and lifted her left hand to survey her finger. _Sure enough. _She was wearing her ring….the ring I gave her.

My brain was already overwhelmed, and the platinum and diamonds wrapped around her finger only added to the confusion. _What the fuck? Why is she wearing this? _I thought for a moment, and I looked at my left hand. I didn't have my ring on. I had stopped wearing it the moment I moved out. _Was_ s_he was wearing it to give it back to you? _I took a sharp breath as the realization hit me. _That's what she was doing_. I had to fight the lump in my throat to keep it from consuming me. I wouldn't have taken it back. It was hers, and it would always be hers. _I will give this back to you when you wake up. You may not want it, but you don't have a choice._ I made the silent promise as I placed the ring along with her diamond stud earrings in my pocket.

They rushed her in through the entrance and told me to wait in the waiting room. I tried to protest, insisting on being with her, but was told that they would come get me when the situation was under control. I grabbed her purse from the stretcher and took it with me.

I pulled out her phone, still in a panic, and rushed to find the number for the first person I knew to call, Alice. Bella and Alice were best friends. Alice and I used to get along quite nicely, but when Bella and I started having problems, sides were chosen. I obviously lost, so we kept our distance.

I waited for her to answer hoping she would not be too disappointed to hear my voice on the other end of the line.

"Wahoo! So I guess you're a free woman now? We need to go out tonight and celebrate." I heard Alice holler excitedly into the phone. She was obviously referring to the divorce, but there would be no celebrating. At least not tonight anyway.

I sighed loudly into the mouth piece and decided not to let my temper get the better of me. _Focus Edward_. "Alice? It's Edward."

She must have heard the concern in my voice and was obviously wondering why I had called her from Bella's phone. "Edward? What's wrong? Why are you calling me from her phone?" She become more anxious as she continued questioning me.

"Alice, there's been an accident-," I didn't get to finish.

"What?" She screamed in panic, and I heard her rustling around in the background to holler for Jasper. "Where are you?" She asked me in a frenzied tone.

"I'm in the emergency room at Baylor hospital in downtown Dallas."

"We are on our way. What happened?" She gasped like she might have been on to something, "Edward you son of a bitch, did you hurt her? I swear to God I'll-,"

I was shocked and infuriated at the accusation and refused to let her finish that insane statement, "Have you lost your fucking mind? Of course I didn't hurt her!" Yes I had been a dick to Bella, and yes she had been a heinous bitch to me, but I had never even come close to touching her in that way.

"Don't talk to me like that Edward! I'm not Bella, and I won't put up with your shit the way she has! We will be there in fifteen minutes." She hung up on me. _Bitch._

I sat down to wait on Alice and Jasper and contemplated calling my brother. Emmet's wife, Rosalie, and Bella were still pretty close friends even through all of our problems. Emmet and Rose remained neutral throughout the whole ordeal and were always there as a shoulder to cry on when one was needed.

I knew I had to call them, but I also knew that Rose was going to flip out. Don't get me wrong I loved Rose, but there was enough drama in the air today without having the fire fueled by her hysterics.

I sighed loudly, and decided to call them anyway. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and waited for Emmet to answer, "Hey man, how'd it go?" He knew today was "D" day and had probably been anticipating my call.

"Umm, not so great."

Without giving me a chance to finish, he spoke, "Why what happened?" Of the two of us, Emmet was the calmer one; rarely raising his voice or letting his feathers get ruffled. This wasn't going to be good, because I knew I was about to ruffle them.

"Well, Bella has been in an accident."

"What?" He didn't holler, but he was shocked to say the least.

I proceeded to tell him what was going on, and the sound of Emmet's voice changed from one of shock to concern. I heard Rosalie start in from somewhere else in the room. "What? What happened Emmet?" _Oh shit, here we go. _

I could tell the phone had been ripped from Emmet's hands, "Edward?" She took a deep breath, "What the hell happened?" Then she laid into me, "Oh my God, did you hurt her?"

I scoffed, "What is it with you women thinking that I am even capable of laying a finger on Bella?" I shook my head in disbelief. "I have never even come close to doing such a thing, and I never would, Jesus!"

She calmed down after noticing the anger and disbelief in the tone of my voice. I told her everything, and by the time I was finished, she was insisting on coming down to the hospital.

"No, I don't think that's a good idea right now. You are just going to be sitting in the waiting room. I promise I will call you as soon as I hear something from Bella's doctors."

There were several reasons I didn't want them coming. First, Rosalie was extremely dramatic, and it would only make my anxiety and everyone else's that much worse. And second, they had a three year old son Sam, who would be running amuck. I loved my nephew, but this child was a holy terror; all boy.

"Edward, I can leave Sam with my neighbor. I won't bring him to the hospital."

_Well fuck!_

"Alright, but you have to stay calm." I instructed. I wasn't sure if I needed the 'calm' for my sake or for Bella's, but regardless, it was a needed emotion at this point.

"Okay. We will be there in about thirty minutes."

I took a deep breath when I finally hung up with her. I needed to get a hold of my parents, but they were on some fancy cruise in the Bahamas and getting in touch with them would be something of a challenge. They would be home in a few days, and I decided I was only going to call them if the situation turned serious.

I felt a cold shiver run up my spine. _Serious?_ I didn't even want to think about what that word entailed.

I tried hard not to think about it and was actually relieved when Alice and Jasper showed up. At least it would give me someone else to talk to, a distraction. I filled them in on the whole situation, and we sat in an awkward silence waiting for the doctor to return with news of Bella's condition.

I stood when I saw him walking toward the waiting room. "Edward Cullen?" He looked at me questioningly, and I nodded. "You're Bella's husband?"

"Not for much longer he's not." I heard Alice mumble under her breath. I shot her an angry "shut the fuck up" glare, before turning my attention back to the doctor.

"I am," I answered. "Is she okay? How is she?" I felt my adrenaline start to kick in again, and my heart began to pound.

He held his hand out for an introduction, "I'm Dr. Greene. I will be overseeing Bella's care throughout her stay."

I returned the gesture, wishing he would just get on with it. He must have noticed my urgency because he quickly proceeded to tell me, "Well, we still need to do a CT scan of her head. I also ordered an MRI to get a closer look at her knee. It's possible that she tore her ACL ligament."

Shocked into silence, I just stared at him and worried even further. _How bad was the head injury? What if she was going to be mentally handicapped from this? How am I going to live with myself, knowing that there might have been a way for me to stop it? _If I had just signed the fucking papers at our house, instead of insisting on a neutral location this wouldn't have happened.

"Mr. Cullen?" He asked gaining my attention again. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I just," I couldn't find the words. "I can't believe this." I was shaking my head in disbelief again.

At that moment I made an unspoken promise to myself and to Bella. I would fix this and make it right. _Our_ relationship may be a lost cause, but she deserved to live a happy healthy life from here on out. If I could give her one more gift, that would be it.

"How bad is the wound on her head? She was bleeding bad enough to cause all of this." I motioned to my blood stained shirt and jeans.

He held his fingers out making a space between his thumb and index finger showing about an inch in length. "The split was only about an inch, not a big deal. She has four staples in her head, and it should heal nicely."

This confused me a little, "If it was only an inch, how come it bled so much?" I crooked an eyebrow at him.

"Well the head and face will bleed profusely if compromised. Sometimes those kinds of wounds seem a lot worse than they actually are because of their location." He must have seen a small amount of relief come over me and felt the need to nip that in the bud. He took a deep breath and gave me a disclaimer, "I should warn you though, while the external wound has been taken care of, we still have to make sure there isn't any internal damage."

I exhaled deeply annoyed with his Doctor jargon. I gave a simple nod and continued questioning, "Is she still unconscious?" I asked trying to put the pieces together. Maybe if she had woken up, that would reveal how bad her head injury was.

"She did wake up very baffled, inquiring as to where she was." My heart ached at the thought of me not being there when she woke up to comfort her. She must have been in pain and been totally confused. I wished I could be back there with her to let her know that everything would be okay ……that we could get through this together. _It's probably better that you weren't anyway. She would have just kicked you out. She hates you remember?_

"She was in some pain, so we have given her something to make her a little more comfortable. The pain meds have a tendency to cause drowsiness, and she has dozed off again."

I took a deep breath. It wasn't until then that I noticed my need to take deep breaths. I kept feeling like the breathing would help me gain relief, or at least some facade of rightness, but it didn't. I looked over at Alice who wasn't holding it together very well. Jasper had her in his arms trying to console her.

"I will be back in a little while, and will give you more information as I get it. Okay?" He said with compassion.

"Alright," I nodded. "Thank you." I shook his hand again before he walked back down the hall to tend to the woman who was once the love of my life.

I sank back down into the uncomfortable chair; letting my fingers run through my unorganized hair. I thought back to the last time I had spoken to Bella on the phone and recalled discussing a place to meet to sign the papers. I winced in pain as I remembered my words, our words.

"_I am so ready to be rid of you." She said as the argument got heated._

"_You're ready? Why don't you come on over and sign them tonight. I'll even wait up for you!" I barked out._

"_Screw you Edward. I am so tired of your shit. You make me ill!"_

"_Goddamn, why do you have to be such a bitch all the time?"_

I felt the blood drain from my face, and my stomach churned. I had to run to the bathroom to avoid embarrassing myself and making a complete mess of the waiting room.

When I returned from my trip to the men's room, Emmet and Rosalie were sitting with Alice and Jasper.

"Did you get sick?" Alice asked when I stumbled back into the room. "Your face looks whiter than a ghost."

"Yeah, and I don't care to discuss it with you Alice." I turned my back and walked to the other side of the waiting area; wishing I had never called them. Jasper was truly a nice guy, but I had had all I could take from her. I was already on edge, and the last thing I needed was attitude right now.

That place where heartbreak actually causes physical pain grabbed hold of me, and I began to ache. I was having tremendous feelings of regret and remorse. _Why couldn't we have been more mature about the whole thing?_ There was no reason to treat each other the way we had or say such mean and awful things.

Emmet stood up and crossed the room; sitting close to me in a nearby chair. "Take it easy," he said as he squeezed my shoulder in an attempt to comfort me. "It's going to be okay. You'll see."

I appreciated Emmet's positive nature and continued support.

Rose and Alice sat huddled together rehashing the details of the day's events. Jasper looked at me with sympathetic eyes; like he knew what I was feeling. "Try not to think about it man. Neither of you would have said the things you've said if you had known this was going to happen. This is why it's dangerous to speak to one another the way you and Bella do. Even if you are angry, you have to control your words. Try to think about something else for a while." I nodded and attempted to take his advice.

He looked at Alice and kissed her forehead. I watched them together for a moment, and for the first time in my life, I was envious of someone else. I envied Jasper and what he had. He still had his love, and she was sitting right next to him.

I looked to Emmet, who had gone back to sit by Rosalie. Their hands were intertwined, and Rosalie looked like she was saying thank you to some unseen force for having Emmet safe at her side.

Bella, on the other hand, was nowhere near me. I had already lost her once, and today I nearly lost her in a whole new way. I thought I was going to get sick again at the thought of losing her eternally.

I sat back in my chair, waiting for the doctor to return and pushed my mind to happier memories.

_**Flashback**_

Bella took my breath away the very first time I met her. She had a natural beauty that drew me in immediately. Not only was I attracted to her physically, but once I got to know her, I was mesmerized by her intellect and charm. She had me wrapped around her finger from day one.

The first night I kissed her, she left me painfully hard. I wanted her more than I had ever wanted anyone in my entire life. That little minx even licked my bottom lip just before she got out of the car. _Fuuuuccckkk!_ I screamed in my head when she did it. I doubt she even knew what she had just done to me. Well, on second thought, maybe she did. I went home that night and got myself off to visions of her going down on me and straddling my hips. I came so hard in my own hand that my whole body tightened and shook. I thought I might actually turn inside out.

I was already in love with her, hook, line and sinker, by the time she finally let me inside of her. I wanted to make love to her from the very second I met her, but she made me wait for what seemed like an eternity. Like a teenage boy, there was no chance in hell I was going to be able to do anything but fuck her senseless once I finally got the opportunity. And I did. Several times that night in fact, and truth be told, she fucked me senseless too.

That next day I was miserable without her. Since she wasn't scheduled to work with me, I had to go the entire day without seeing her. Sitting at my desk, I found myself daydreaming of the prior evening's escapades. Concentrating on anything but Bella and our amazing night was nearly impossible. I decided to text her to let her know I was thinking about her.

_What are you doing?_

She didn't respond immediately, and I anxiously awaited her reply. Finally, twenty minutes later I received a text from her.

_Sorry, I was in the shower._

Thoughts of her naked and wet rushed through my mind and caused a slight tingle in my man region. I knew I had to see her; and the sooner the better. I couldn't seem to get enough of her. No woman had ever had this effect on me. She was different and it pained me to be away from her. I texted her back quickly, hoping she did not sense my desperation.

_Are you free tonight?_

Her response was quick.

_Maybe??? What did you have in mind?_

I thought for a moment and formed a plan.

_Meet me at the Zaza at 6:00? _

_Sure._

_Ok, see you then. _

The rest of the day drug on as the butterflies in my stomach kept me from really getting anything accomplished. I finally finished up and left my office around 5:00 to go meet Bella. Heavy traffic caused me to be a few minutes late.

I found Bella sitting with her beautiful legs crossed at a tall bar table. Without her noticing, I walked up behind her, put my hands on either side of her hips and pressed against her back to whisper into her ear, "I do believe you are the most beautiful woman in this bar. Do you mind if I join you for a drink while you wait for your boyfriend?"

"Actually, I do mind." She teased. Continuing with her flirty attitude, "You see, my "Boyfriend" is late, and I don't like to be kept waiting. I am afraid I wouldn't be very good company for you."

I took a seat on the stool next to her and swiveled her around so that she was facing me. "I think I'm going to have to disagree with you. I think I would enjoy waiting with you. His loss is my gain, I guess," I said as I stared into her velvety brown eyes.

"It appears that you need a refill, and I am going to sit with you until your extremely lucky boyfriend gets here and makes me leave." I motioned to the waitress to bring us two of what Bella was drinking.

I was thoroughly enjoying our little game and decide to take it one step farther. I swiveled her bar stool a little more and positioned Bella between my legs. I placed my hands on the sides of her crossed legs and began to slowly make my way up toward her core.

I heard her breath hitch and she leaned in closer to whisper, "Well, I suggest you get ready for a fight. My Boyfriend is extremely jealous and does not particularly care for other men buying me drinks and then running their hands up my thighs."

My hands came to rest on the curve of her hips, and I leaned in closer; almost touching her lips with mine. "I'm pretty sure I can take him, and I think you're worth fighting for."

Completely ignoring the waitress, who placed two new drinks on our table, we continued our little charade. Not moving from my forward leaning stance, I watch as Bella leaned back away from me and smugly took a sip from her drink.

With a cocky grin on her face, she leaned back in and placed one hand delicately along my jaw line. She then lightly ran her tongue across my lower lip while slightly breathing her warm breath across my face. This signature move instantly made me hard.

"God, Bella. You don't even know what that does to me."

"That's what you get for being late," she said as she leaned back and smirked.

I couldn't resist her any longer. I reached behind her neck and slowly pulled her toward me. "Meet me in room 1018 in five minutes," I said as I slid a room key across the table.

Her eyes lit up and a smile graced her face as she realized my plan for the evening. Without hesitation, she grabbed her purse, her drink, and the room key and headed toward the elevators in the hotel lobby.

I, on the other hand, was not so quick to leave my seat. I had to wait a few minutes for my erection to subside. In the meantime, I paid our tab and quickly finished my drink…..anything to take my mind off my rock hard dick.

When I arrived to our luxury suite, I walked in to find Bella waiting for me on the balcony staring at our scenic view. All of my thoughts of playing it cool were instantly thrown out the window. She was wearing a sleek skirt and heels that made her legs look amazing. Her low cut, tight fitting shirt showed off her curves and just enough cleavage to draw my eyes to her perfectly shaped breasts. I would never grow tired of her perfection.

"Hi," I said as I came up behind her and wrapped my arms around her; nestling my lips into the crook of her sweet smelling neck. I began placing soft wet kisses along her jawline and on down to her collarbone. "I really missed you today." I pulled her closer to me so she could feel the affect she was having on me.

"Hi," she said back and spun around; crashing her lips to mine. Her lips moved into a smile against mine, "Missed me, huh?" She questioned as she pulled away from the kiss.

"You will never know how much." I slid my hands down to cup her ass, and through her skirt I noticed that she was not wearing any panties. _OH MY GOD!_

She had to have done it on purpose. No woman accidentally forgets her panties.

I couldn't take it any longer.

"Come with me." I grabbed her hand and lead her through the open door. Once inside, I pressed her up against the interior wall and dropped to my knees. Our eyes locked and my hands started at the backs of her knees and raised her skirt as I worked my way up. I saw her eyes close and her head fall back against the wall. My mouth went to work on her, teasing and tasting.

Everything about her was different. The fact that my need to please her surpassed every selfish desire of my own, nearly blew my mind. She pressed herself further into my face, and I felt myself smile against her. Within minutes, she exploded into a volcanic eruption and with weak legs, she fell into my arms.

After catching her breath, she stood up. "Where are you going?" I asked as I stood up with her.

Silently, she reached for my hand and guided me to the bed where she pushed me back into a sitting position. She climbed on, straddled my lap, and began grinding herself into me. Bella's heat radiated through the material of my slacks. I ran my hands up and down her back, memorizing every curve of her body.

The romantic ambience set the mood, and I was overcome with emotion. Without a second thought, I whispered the words, "Bella, I love you," while we thrust to the beat of our own magical tune. I couldn't help but tell her how I was feeling, and it didn't matter if she loved me back or was ready to hear it.

She obviously liked what she heard, because my words sent her soaring over the edge. I was so consumed by her, and her sounds threw me into orbit launching my own orgasm. We tenderly kissed and held each other tightly while we waited for our hearts to return to a normal pace.

"Guess what?" She asked as she peppered sweet kisses on my jaw and neck. She didn't miss a single spot. I loved that.

I turned my head to kiss her plump lips. "What?" I asked curiously.

With a serious look upon her face, her eyes seared into mine, "I love you too." The thrill of hearing her say those three little words was like sensory overload.

Women had said that to me before, but it never felt right until Bella said it. I loved her. I. Loved. Her. I could see my future with her and only her.

I knew right then and there that I had to make her mine forever.

_Hmmmm…..Forever._ At least that was my hope at the time.

_**End Flashback**_

I didn't even have time to let the pain that this memory evoked set in before the sound of Alice's annoying voice brought me back from my…

"What the hell are you thinking about over there douche bag?" I heard Alice ask with a disgusted look on her face.

I must have been smiling, but my demeanor quickly changed due to her tone and bitch ass attitude.

"What business is it of yours?" I asked curtly and raised my eyebrow.

"I just don't know what kind of sick son of a bitch would let a smile like that spread across his face while his almost ex-wife could be dying in the next room."

Her words shot straight through to my heart like cupid with his little fucking arrow. She had no clue what I had been thinking about.

"I suggest you clear your head Edward. You have other things to worry about right now." She stared daggers at me, and I shot them right back, unwilling to give her the upper edge.

"You know what Alice? You don't know what the fuck you are talking about. I had to think of something happier to keep my mind from exploding." I took a deep calming breath. "And if you must know, I was thinking about Bella." I lifted my lips into a kind of half smile trying to let her know that what I had been thinking about had been one of our better memories.

I stood quickly and shoved my hands into my pockets. "And Bella is not dying. She's going to be just fine."

I stormed off and faintly heard Jasper scolding Alice. "Alice, you need to be more sensitive. Can't you see he's in pain? He would have never wished this on Bella."

Rosalie chimed in, "Alice, try to take it easy on him. The accident wasn't his fault, and you need to remember that there are two sides to every story." They were no longer talking about the accident, and I truly appreciated Rose and her unbiased position.

At one time, the six of us had been inseparable, going to dinners, games, parties and on vacations together. We had insurmountable amounts of fun and truly enjoyed being together. I think our impending divorce was hurting everyone, not just Bella and I.

I continued walking hoping to escape Alice and her harsh judgment. I reflected back from a moment ago when I told Alice that Bella would be "just fine" and prayed for truth in my statement. I didn't know what I would do if that wasn't the case.

I heard footsteps behind me and turned to see who was hesitantly approaching. "Edward, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so harsh. I guess I just hadn't thought about how all of this would make you feel. I just assumed you would be unaffected." Alice shook her head, and leaned in to hug me.

I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and held on tight. I needed this right now. I needed the support. I thought that maybe now would be a good time to ask Alice about the smile that had graced Bella's face just before the accident. Maybe she knew the true meaning behind it.

I pulled away and looked at her. "Alice, did Bella say anything to you about," I paused, "about maybe wanting to reconcile?"

Alice shook her head. "Umm, no," she said with finality and almost a little bit of pity. She looked at me questioningly. "Why?" I watched her face become confused….the same emotion that I had been feeling since I saw Bella smile at me.

I sighed, "When she was standing across the street a minute or so before the accident, she smiled at me."

"And?"

"And, I haven't seen her smile like that in ages, especially at me. It made me think that maybe she had changed her mind....that maybe she wanted to reconcile." _Could we work this out?_

Her confusion shifted to understanding, and she smiled compassionately. "Edward," she paused, "how do you know she was smiling at you? After all, you were in the coffee shop, and she was standing across the street in the rain. Maybe you misread her expression or even possibly imagined it."

I thought back to the moment I saw her smile. _Did I imagine it? Am I going crazy? _ No. She clearly smiled at me. Our eyes met. I know she was looking _for_ me….._found_ me…..and _then_ smiled without hesitation. "No Alice, I didn't imagine it. I swear it happened."

"Well Edward, I hate to tell you this, but she was probably smiling because," she stopped and waited for me to piece it together.

I knew what she was saying, and it made me physically ache. "Because, she's glad it's over?"

Alice didn't say anything but simply nodded. I knew then that this whole thing had pained Alice. I could see it in her eyes. Suddenly, I remembered the ring and reached into my pocket like it was my last hope.

"Well if she's so glad it's over, then why did she wear this on her left hand today?"

I held Bella's wedding ring up between my thumb and index finger showing her the evidence that backed up my theory.

Alice took it from me and studied it. "I'd forgotten how beautiful this ring is," she commented as she continued to stare at it.

"Get to the point Alice," I snapped at her. "Why would Bella be wearing that," I pointed at it, "on the day we were supposed to sign our divorce papers?"

"Well, she told me last week that she was planning on giving it back to you. She said she did not feel good about keeping it, since you gave it to her as a gift for marring you. She just didn't feel like she had a right to it anymore; especially after the papers were signed."

Alice picked up my right hand and placed the ring in my palm; closing my fingers around it.

"Here, now you have it back." I could feel the precious metal in my hand, but I didn't want it back. The sadness forced my head down, and I sighed deeply knowing she was probably right.

I felt Alice step closer, "Edward, are you going to be okay?"

My head popped up and rage suddenly filled my body. "Well, I have news for you both. I am not keeping this ring. I gave it to Bella on our wedding day as a gift. It's hers!" I gestured to myself and my voice became shaky as I spoke. I all but whispered as I stated the last sentence of my case, "Our marriage wasn't all bad Alice. Most of it was wonderful…..so good in fact that I won't ever be able to forget it."

She hugged me again. "I know Edward."

Taking a step back, I ran my fingers through my hair feeling utterly baffled, confused and totally torn. I hated the way I was feeling. All I knew was that I did not feel this way when I woke up this morning or even while I sat at the coffee shop waiting for Bella to arrive.

Sadly, Alice had helped to reaffirm the fact that Bella still wanted the divorce. My mind felt like it was moving in a thousand different directions at once. I was tormented by a mixture of emotions, confusion, guilt, and most of all heartbreak. I needed some time to think, to try and make sense of it all.

"Edward?" She questioned again. I looked into Alice's eyes but didn't speak. "Edward, don't do this to yourself. Just let it be what it is."

_That's good advice Edward. Just get Bella well and move on like the two of you had originally planned. _

"Alice, I think I need to be alone for a little while. If the Doctor comes out, will you come find me?"

"Sure," she said simply, and I turned to walk off.

"Edward?" I stopped and looked back at her. "I really am sorry.

"Thanks." I smiled half heartedly and continued walking. I knew she wasn't just apologizing for being a bitch in the waiting room. She truly was sorry that both of our hearts, mine and Bella's, had been broken.

The doctor spotted me a few minutes later. "Mr. Cullen," he said. I knew he had news for me, and I felt like my heart might leap into my throat as he approached.

"Dr. Greene," I acknowledged. "How is she?"

He gave a gentile understanding smile, "Mr. Cullen, you can relax a little bit." I felt a small amount of relief wash over me. "Her CT scan came back normal, but she does have a concussion. The good news is that there is no swelling to her brain."

My hand came up to rest over my heart, "Oh, thank God."

_Okay, concussion, _I could deal with this.

"The most serious of her injuries is her knee. She tore the ACL in her left knee severely. I would like to refer her to a surgeon and have it replaced as soon as possible"

He continued, "It's a common surgery that usually takes about an hour. What the surgeon will likely do, is take an autograft from the hamstring of her right leg and use it to replace the ACL in her left knee." I nodded showing that I was listening.

"What's an autograft?" I asked with confusion swirling in my head. I felt bombarded with medical jargon and was quickly growing tired of hearing it.

He continued again, knowing I was becoming agitated, "It's where we take tissue from the patient and use it to function somewhere else in the body."

"Have you discussed all this with Bella? When do you want to do the surgery, and how long will it take her to recover?" I asked without taking a breath.

"We would like to move forward as soon as possible. And yes, we have discussed it with Bella. She is awake now and is in some pain. I think she is just ready to get it over with. We are making every effort to keep her as comfortable as possible. She will need physical therapy, but she should be good as new in four to six weeks."

Dr. Greene assured me that the surgery was necessary and scheduled time for me to meet the surgeon that would be performing the operation.

I thanked him before walking back toward the waiting room to deliver the news to everyone.

"Hey," I said with a feeling of defeat.

Alice jumped up from her seat, "Did you talk to the doctor?"

I nodded and told them everything the doctor had just told me. Alice and Rosalie both cried in relief when they found out that Bella's injuries had been minor compared to what they could have been.

I waited impatiently for an hour before the surgeon finally came out to speak to me. He filled me in on a few more details and asked if I had any questions. "Can I see her before she goes into surgery?"

"Absolutely; but I should warn you that the anesthesiologist has already administered a cocktail of meds into her IV to help relax her. She is a bit loopy."

I chucked at the thought of Bella being loopy and followed him to her room. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket again for about the one hundredth time today. Ughhhhh, I thought and grabbed it just before I entered her room. It was a text message from Tanya.

_Where the hell are you?_

Another text quickly followed.

_Call me back. NOW!_

_Oh Jesus, not now._ I didn't have the strength to deal with her, nor did I want to right now. I ignored the text and turned my phone off before letting it slide back into my pocket.

I knew I was not exactly being fair to Tanya, but Bella deserved every bit of my attention and she was going to get it. Relief finally washed over me when I saw her lying in the bed. She looked sleepy, but comfortable.

Bella reached for me instantly and a slight smile spread across her face. "Edward." She didn't seem sad or in any pain at the moment. My heart skipped several beats because of her tone of voice. _Was she happy to see me or was it just the drugs?_ I couldn't be sure.

I walked to her, and took the hand that was reached out to me, "Hey, Bella." I kissed her fingers and sat down on the edge of the bed, "How are you feeling?" A huge part of me wanted to wrap my arms around her and make this all go away.

"Grreeeat!" She said as she blinked her eyes several times very slowly.

I shook my head and laughed, "I'm so sorry Bells, I-," I didn't know exactly what to say and really didn't want to upset her or raise her blood pressure right before surgery. So, I simply lifted her hand to my mouth and kissed it again.

She shook her head slowly and smiled at me, "Edwarddd, please don't apologize. Thiss isn't your fault. Don't beat youursself up." Her words were sweet and slightly slurred. Under normal circumstances, she would have kicked me out, but the pain meds had obviously not only numbed her body, but her hatred for me as well. I was grateful for her compassion and took comfort in her telling me that she did not blame me for the accident.

She stared at me for several moments, and I watched as her eyes grew heavy. I stroked her hand letting her know that it was okay for her to slip under if she needed to.

"Edward," she whispered while losing the battle with her eyelids.

"What baby?"

"I have to tell you something,"

Her breathing slowed and her eyes fell completely shut. "What Bella?" I pleaded as I shook her hand gently trying to wake her. The tone in her voice said it was important, but I couldn't be sure. It could have just been the affect that the 'cocktail' was having on her.

Right about that time, the surgeon walked in. "Mr. Cullen, we are ready for her now."

"Wait. She was about to tell me something." I was panicked. I had no clue what she was about to say, but I had to know. "Bella," I prodded once more.

Without the answer I was yearning for, the nurses wheeled her out of the room.

**Okay, we realize that Bella probably wouldn't be having surgery just after an accident like this, but aren't you ready for us to get them out of the hospital?**

**We wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving!**

**Don't forget to leave a review! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight…**

* * *

I stood there for a moment with my mind moving a hundred miles a minute, trying to figure out what she might have been trying to tell me. _It was probably the drugs._ I told myself as I turned to walk out.

I kept my head down as I made my way to the waiting room. I had to hold it together in front of everyone else; I didn't want them to see any emotion on my face. They spotted me and stood from their seats.

"How is she?" Rosalie asked with a halfhearted smile.

I nodded, "She seemed just fine before they took her in, and the anesthesiologist gave her something that put her in a happy place." I decided to keep the words Bella had spoken before she went under to myself for the time being.

I ran my fingers through my hair out of habit and distress. It wasn't until then that I realized that I had no way to get home, no way to shower, or change clothes. I knew I would need to grab some things to spend the night with Bella. "My car," I stated as I continued to think.

"I'm sorry what?" Jasper asked.

"I left my car at the coffee shop this morning. I need to run home and get some clothes so I can stay the night with Bella."

Alice lended a hand, "Did you need Jasper and I to go get it for you?"

I was shocked that she wasn't going to put up a fight over staying the night with Bella. I sighed in relief that she was just going to let me have this, "That would be great; I don't really want to leave while she is in surgery."

Jasper stood, "Here, give me your keys and we'll go get it."

I stood up as well and grabbed my keys, "Okay, we will be back soon." Jasper assured me. Alice was standing now, and stared at me for a moment before hugging me.

"She's going to be okay Edward, you'll see."

"I know, I just hope she doesn't hate me more than she already does when she wakes up." I joked slightly, trying to lighten the mood.

She caught on and joked back, "Now that is something to be worried about," I chuckled a little. "Alright, we'll be back in a few minutes."

I sat back down and looked over to Emmett; both of them had been surprisingly quiet throughout this whole thing. I appreciated it; just that they were here was enough. Rosalie, of course had to break the silence, "So how are you holding up?"

I leaned over with my palms on my knees, "I'm okay I guess," I sat in silence for a moment. "I am so worried about her, I feel sick." I felt a knot in my throat, "I should have done something to stop it."

"Edward, this isn't your fault, it was an accident." She assured me.

"I know it was an accident but still," I glanced at Emmett, "I am going to do whatever it takes to make her better. I am going to stay with her until she can handle things herself." I wasn't sure if staying with her was a good idea or not. What with me having a girlfriend and all, but Bella was still my main priority. Wasn't she? Emmet could see the wheels turning in my head.

"What is it?"Emmett asked.

I shook my head and contemplated telling my brother about what had gone on just before her surgery. He didn't know about Tanya either and I wondered if I should tell him about her as well. _Jesus Christ, this is a cluster fuck!_ I wasn't sure how much more I could handle; something was going to have to give. I felt my eyebrows furrow.

"Edward?"

"I don't know," I paused, "Emmett?"

"Jesus Edward, spit it out." He groaned.

"Well, Bella said she had to tell me something but she didn't get a chance to. I could be wrong but it sounded important." I sat there staring at him, waiting for him to respond. I wanted his input.

"Edward?" Emmett looked at me curiously, "I know you have already made up your mind about staying with Bella, and I am not going to try and discourage you from it. Just be careful, okay?"

_Okay, maybe now is not the best time to mention Tanya._

I understood what he was saying and nodded in agreement. He didn't give me a definitive answer; actually he didn't give me any answer. It didn't really matter, Bella would be awake in a few hours and she would be able to tell me then.

I sat back in my chair and closed my eyes, my mind wondered to Bella and the wild events of the day. It didn't take long for sleep to take me. Moments later, I felt myself being shaken gently, "Edward," it was Rosalie. I opened my eyes slightly, "Sorry to wake you, Bella's surgeon is here." I was instantly awake and looked up to find the Doctor standing next to my chair.

"I just wanted to let you know that she is out of surgery and in recovery." He said.

"Oh, is she okay? How did it go?"

"Everything went beautifully; she is dozing in and out and still really groggy from the anesthetic. She seems a little confused which is to be expected after the day she has had."

I gave an understanding nod, "How long until I can see her?"

"She will be in recovery for about an hour, and then you can go in and see her. Is there going to be someone staying here with her tonight?"

"Yes, I am staying. How long is she going to have to stay in the hospital?"

"Well with this kind of surgery the patient is usually sent home the same day, but because of her head, we just want to keep her here overnight to make sure she starts to recover nicely."

"Okay," I said, thankful that I would get to take her home tomorrow. Bella would be the one who really might protest to me staying at the house. She was one of the most stubborn women I had ever met. I reached out to shake the surgeon's hand, "Thank you, so much."

"You're welcome, I will have her nurse come out and let you know when you can go in." He started to turn to walk off but quickly turned back, "Oh I almost forgot," he reached into his pocket. "Here is a business card of the physical therapist I usually recommend. His name is Jacob Black, Bella can choose one on her own but he is really good." I took the card from him, "Mr. Cullen I can't tell you how important her physical therapy is, it will help her recover faster even though it's going to be painful."

"I understand," I held the card up gratefully before putting it into my wallet, "Thank you."

"Alright I will be in later to check on her, okay?"

I nodded.

I looked to Emmet with a smile on my face. "See, I told you she was going to be fine," he said, "and tomorrow you get to take her home."

I sighed for the millionth time and finally, I felt some of the pressure leave me.

Shortly after the doctor left, Alice and Jasper showed up, "Hey Edward, any news?" Alice asked as she walked up.

"Yeah, she's out of surgery and in recovery, I should get to go in and see her in about half an hour or so."

"Okay, good." Alice and Jasper both looked relieved.

They had a fifteen month old son that had been named after Bella's late father, Charlie. "Where's Charlie?" I asked.

"Oh my mom was at the house this morning when you called, we left him with her. I just called to check on him, he's fine." Alice said.

We talked for a few minutes and I rubbed my eyes that were now burning from lack of sleep. I looked at my watch, 6:00pm. I had been up since 5:00am and I hadn't slept a wink the night before. Then today's events had worn me out.

Alice noticed my exhaustion, "Edward, are you sure you wouldn't rather have me stay with her tonight?"

"I appreciate the offer, but I feel like it's the least I can do."

"Alright," she replied.

"Hey, how do you think she will handle it if I stay with her for three or four days while she recovers?"

"Umm," she looked unsure, "I don't think she is going to like the idea at all. Why don't you just wait until she wakes up then ask her? For God's sake try not to upset her." She threatened a little.

"Okay," I was honestly surprised Alice didn't put up more of a fight and beg to stay with her. But they had a toddler, there was no way Alice would leave him for four or five days, and he sure as hell couldn't be at the house while Bella recovered.

The nurse finally came out and led me to Bella's room. "She is sleeping, and she might wake up a little confused, so don't be surprised, okay?"

"Okay," I nodded as she opened the door, I stepped in and my heart broke. I had always loved to watch Bella sleep. She seemed so peaceful and innocent, and I loved the little quiet sounds she would make as she slept. Today was different, her sleep didn't look peaceful. She wasn't struggling or anything but her sterile bed looked uncomfortable. She still had a bandage around her head, and I looked down to the top of her hand and saw the IV from earlier.

"I'll leave you with her; call me when she wakes up or if you need anything."

I nodded without removing my eyes from Bella, "Thank you," I said as I walked slowly toward her. I grabbed the chair in the room and pulled it close to her bed. I sat there for a moment just watching her, terrified and excited for her to wake up. I wanted to take her hand and hold it, but I wasn't sure if the 'happy drugs' had worn off or not. There was a chance that she would wake up and try to kick me in the jaw for touching her and injure herself further in the process. After a few minutes of staring at her damaged body, my need to touch her became too much. I needed to feel her, and know that she was okay. I reached out and held her hand in mine. The moment felt surreal, familiar and haunting all at the same time. She was warm and I let my fingers mold over hers, her delicate hand fit perfectly in mine, just like it always had. The feeling of it calmed me a bit and I no longer cared if she woke up trying to kill me for touching her.

"_You make me sick; I don't ever want you to touch me again!"_

Those words were spoken by her about three months ago, during one of our screaming matches and they stung still to this day.

My head became heavy and I finally had to let it rest on the bed next to her. A few moments later I felt a tapping on my shoulder and heard a charming voice, "Umm, Excuse me," I heard it but didn't wake up enough to acknowledge it. I felt the tapping again, "Hey," the voice said gently. I sat up and tried to open my eyes.

"Bella," I said when I realized it was her. I let go of her hand before she had a chance to try and kill me and I scooted back a little. "Hang on Bella,"

I walked out and alerted Bella's nurse to her consciousness and she followed me back to her room

I watched as she checked Bella's vital signs, "Any pain?" She asked.

"A little," she pointed to the spot that was hurting. "Down in my knee and up by my head." The nurse nodded and adjusted her IV.

She leaned down to check one of the monitors, "Give it a few minutes; that should help. Can I get you anything? Your doctor should be here any minute."

"Water," Bella said.

"Okay, I'll be right back." The nurse said as she walked out.

I stood at the foot of the bed and looked at her; I tried to let a smile offering a momentary truce creep across my face. I waited for the lashing, and mentally braced myself for it. She tried to smile too but looked confused as she stared at me and looked around the room. She cleared her throat and tried to speak, "Um, I'm sorry, but can you tell me what happened to me?" Her voice was raspy, if she hadn't been exhausted, confused, and injured it was a sound I would have found sexy.

"Bella, you don't remember?" I was a little surprised, but the nurse said she might be confused.

"I'm sorry, no." She answered.

I felt a little sadness knowing I was going to have to be the one to recap the day, "I was waiting for you at the coffee shop, so we could-," I paused for a moment and decided to change my sentence, I didn't want to bring up the divorce right now, she knew why we were meeting. I watched her face contort with more confusion. "I was waiting for you. It was raining and you ran across the street, a car lost control and slid into you from the side. You tore your ACL in your left knee, and gave yourself a concussion when your head hit the pavement."

I sat there for a moment letting my words sink in for her, she looked like she was trying to remember, "I don't remember any of that."

I gained the guts to sit on the edge of her bed; I didn't touch her even though every part of me wanted to hug her for surviving. I understood the troubled look on her face, and it was probably best that she didn't remember anything from her mishap, "It's probably good that you don't remember anything, it was a nasty scene." I took a deep breath and continued to tell her what had gone on and about her surgery.

Nothing I said seemed to help her. I didn't want to push the issue to hard. Her eyes were staring deep into mine like she was trying to figure it all out. "Umm," her voice was sweet and innocent, I hadn't heard that from her in so long and it reminded me of the person she once was.

I shook my head and smiled at her, "Umm? What? Ask me, I'll help you."

She took a deep breath, "Well," she paused like she was struggling with her words, "who are you?"

_Holy shit! Okay I hadn't prepared myself for that._

I gasped as I jumped up from my sitting position and stumbled backwards in shock. My legs carried me back until the wall forced me to stop. Nothing and I mean nothing in this world could have prepared me for that. My heart raced and I couldn't tell if I was relieved or heartbroken by the fact that she didn't know me. No wonder she hadn't tried to kill me, she didn't know who the hell I was. How was this possible? She knew who I was on the street by the car and just before surgery, it was obvious. Wasn't it?

"_Edward," _

Yes, she had whispered my name in the street.

A million questions raced through my mind. How far did this memory loss go, and how long would it last? If she didn't know who I was, did she even remember who she was? How was I going to tell her that I was her husband and that we were-?

I glanced at her face her confusion hadn't changed and now she looked sad, "I'm sorry, I feel like I should know who you are but I just can't seem to place you." The look on her face nearly ripped me in two, my poor Bella. I was helpless.

Thankfully the doctor walked in to check on her, "Hey kids how's it going?"

"Oh, thank God," I exclaimed, "Dr. Newton, Bella doesn't know who I am," I would have given him more information, but that's all I had at that point. I was panicked, "She knew who I was before surgery and, and-" I was trying to explain further but couldn't find the words.

"Hmm, okay just calm down and give me a minute." He instructed, his lips pursed and I watched his eyebrows furrow. He walked to Bella and proceeded to question her, "Bella?"

"Yes," she gave an unsure answer.

"Can you tell me your full name and how old you are?"

She thought for a moment, "I think I am twenty six years old and my name is Isabella Marie Swan."

"Can you tell me what day it is, year or month?"

She was concentrating hard, trying to come up with an answer, "I can't," she paused straining even harder, "I can't remember."

He took a moment, "Do you know what you do for a living?"

Again she was thinking, I wanted to go over to her and pull the memory out of her brain for her, I knew it was in there. Bella was giving it her all, but it wasn't clicking. "I don't know." She said sadly. The fact that she didn't know what she did for a living nearly broke my heart; it was her one true love.

"Tell me what you _do_ remember," he said prying for more.

"I know my parents died some time ago in a car accident; I was young, and I remember graduating from college." I could tell she was really struggling, her voice was becoming shaky. She was scared.

I stepped in, "Okay, that's enough." I held my hand out letting the doctor know that I wanted him to stop.

"Alright, Bella if it is okay with you I would like to do one more CT scan just to make sure we didn't miss anything, or that there isn't anything new going on."

I became fearful again with his mention of another CT scan, "Why, what do you think it is?"

He shook his head, "I don't want to speculate,"

I was instantly fuming, _fuck that!_ "No! Don't give me that bullshit, you have an idea of what is going on here and I want to know what it is. I swear if you're wrong I won't hold you responsible." I started trying to calm myself but I wanted to make sure that I made my point.

"Okay, take it easy Mr. Cullen. Again, I don't really want to speculate but if I had to guess based on just what I have seen I would say that she has something called post traumatic stress syndrome."

Well fuck, that didn't help. I had heard of post traumatic stress before but I didn't know it could affect your memory.

"Sometimes the brain can block things out at its own accord with a traumatic event." He gave us a blank stare trying to guess our reactions, "If that is what is going on here, the good news is that her memory will likely return, give it about thirty days."

He didn't say anything that made this any easier and I looked at Bella, she seemed to understand what the doctor was saying and she looked horrified.

"Let's just do the scan and find out what is really going on." He looked at us both and tried to give a reassuring smile, "Try to relax and I will order the scan. The radiologist should be in shortly, okay?"

"Okay," she said as she wiped a tear from her cheek.

When he walked out, I moved toward her, "It's okay Bella, don't worry, everything is going to be alright." I wasn't sure who I was trying to convince. I reached for a tissue and dabbed her wet cheeks.

"Thank you," she whispered, "I'm just scared, I feel like something is missing," she took a deep breath. "You still haven't told me who you are."

It stung a little when she reminded me. I backed away and paced the room for a moment. There was really no delicate way to say this. All I really cared about was making sure she knew I was here and was going to help her through this; '_we'_ could be dealt with later. I took a deep breath, "I'm Edward Cullen," I paused for a moment waiting to see if the sound of my name might ring a bell. Nothing. I took another deep breath and prepared myself for what her reaction might be to my next sentence, "I'm your husband."

She gasped, and jerked a little and reached down for her knee. She had obviously hurt herself.

"Oh Bella, I'm sorry," I rushed to her side.

"It's okay, I'm just shocked." She said as she tried to calm herself, "Edward, right?"

"That's right," I sat back down in the chair I had been in before, and rested my hands on the bed next to hers. "Bella, don't worry the doctor said that it's just post traumatic stress. I will be here to help you, everything is okay." I didn't know if I was calming her any or not, and I hoped I was doing a good job at hiding my own anxiety.

If she didn't know who I was, then everything that had gone on between us, the good, the bad, and the ugly, all of that was a missing piece. Part of this twisted my soul into a knot; there were things I wished she had retained. Things like me, and the way we were when we were together.

The way she sounded when we made love.

"_Ahhhh Edward. I love the way you touch me."_

The way I could make her come undone.

"_That's it Bella. Come hard for me baby."_

The way we kissed, and the way she teased my bottom lip with her tongue.

"_God, Bella. You don't even know what that does to me."_

The way I loved her, and perhaps more importantly the way she loved me.

"_You are the love of my life. You are everything I never knew I always wanted, and now I have you forever."_

All of those valuable memories had been ripped from her mind against her will. It broke my heart that she didn't have a choice in the matter, nothing remaining of what we once were.

Her words interrupted my thoughts.

"He said he didn't know for sure, that he didn't want to speculate. What if he's wrong?"

I hadn't thought about that. What if he was wrong? What if this was permanent? Part of me hung on to that idea for a brief moment, _second chance?_ _No, no,_ I told myself, _Jesus Edward, how selfish are you_? I answered her the best way I knew how, "He's not wrong." I said with as much finality as I could muster.

She seemed to calm a bit with my words, "Edward?" She asked.

"Yes?"

"The nurse never brought me any water. Can you get me some?"

I smiled at her, Bella was so sweet and innocent; she hadn't ever been this sweet, not even when we met. Even upon our first meeting she had been secure and confident in her own skin. It was one of the things I loved so much about her. This new Bella was so far from the one I knew in the beginning _and_ the one who I had grown to resent. How long would this last? _Give it thirty days Edward, she'll be back to her old bitchy self in not time._

"Sure, hang on I'll be right back." I walked out and found Bella's nurse busy at the nurse's station. "Excuse me but can I get some water for my wife?" I asked, my brain rattled at the sound of calling her my wife again.

I must have startled her a little because she jumped, "Oh, Mr. Cullen I'm sorry I completely forgot, sure let me get it." She came back with two bottles of water and two cups filled with ice chips. "Here, I apologize for that."

"Don't worry about it," I took the water back to Bella and opened the bottle for her. "Did you want me to pour it over ice for you?"

"Please," she said kindly, and I couldn't help but smile at her.

She sipped it for a few minutes and I gave her some space, I wasn't sure what to do or say. When I could tell she was doing better I finally spoke, "Better?" I asked.

"A little, my medicine is kicking in so my pain has subsided some." A moment later the radiologist, came in.

"Hi Mrs. Swan, I'm your radiologist, I am supposed to take some pictures of your head." He made it sound like a little joke; I did not laugh or find it funny in the least.

I looked at Bella, "Okay, I'll be waiting here for you when you get back," I reached down and squeezed her hand, she squeezed back, and I let go as he wheeled her off.

I needed to go find everyone else and get this over with; I knew that the ladies weren't going to handle this well. Alice and Bella were really close, like sisters really. I found them in the waiting room, "How is she?" Alice asked sounding chipper.

I just decided to bite the bullet, "She's good, but something happened during surgery."

"Oh my God what?" Rosalie asked as her face went white.

I sat down beside them and filled them in on the situation, Alice was crying by the time I finished. "Alice, try to calm down, she doesn't need to see this worry on your face. Not only that but she might remember who you are, I don't know we will have to wait and see."

"Okay," she cried, "I'll get it together." She stood up, "I'm going to go to the bathroom and clean my face up."

I glanced at Rosalie, who seemed to be doing better than Alice but not much. She wiped her face and calmed herself.

Emmet looked at me questioningly, "So let me get this straight, she knows you are her husband but only because you told her?" I nodded. "And she doesn't know you guys are getting a divorce?" I nodded again and knew exactly what he was getting at. "Jesus Edward, how are you going to tell her?"

I closed my eyes and sighed, "God I don't know, maybe her memory will come back before I have to say anything. I would rather not have to come out and say it, you should see her face, she looks so scared and," I paused not knowing what to say next, "I don't know, I just, I just don't want to have to come out and tell her."

Emmet looked over to Rose, "Babe, maybe we should go."

"What?" She asked in shock. "Why?"

"I think it will make things harder if we stay, Bella has to be feeling overwhelmed. We can stop by the house in a few days to check on her."

Rose prepared to put up a fight, and I stepped in to stop it, "Rosalie, I really think Emmet is right. I don't want to stress her out any more than we have to."

She sighed with discontent, "Alright, well is there anything you need? Anything that I can get for the house, food or something?"

I was too tired to think about that right now, "Not that I know of, but if I think of something I will let you know."

I stood up to thank them for coming, Emmet hugged me. "Edward, do you remember what I told you earlier about being careful?" I nodded against his shoulder, "Well I still stand by what I said. Be careful, not just for her sake but for yours as well."

"I will." I patted him on the back, and I wasn't really sure why I needed to be so careful. This wasn't a big deal. Right? I would get her home; help her as long as she needed it. Her memory would come back and we would sign the papers and move on. I convinced myself that this truly was the case and moved in to hug Rose.

"Rose, thanks for coming, I really appreciate it."

"Like you had a choice." She said jokingly.

By the time Alice came out from the bathroom Emmet and Rosalie had headed home. "Where are Emmet and Rose?"

"They took off; Emmet didn't want to make it any harder for Bella." I explained.

"Come on, I told Bella I would be waiting for her we might as well get this over with." I led them to her room and we waited in silence for Bella to return.

I held the large door open while they wheeled her in. Bella smiled when her eyes met mine, and my heart fluttered. But I pushed the flutter away quickly, I knew the only reason she smiled at me was because I had been the one she woke up to, and I was more familiar than anyone else in the room. Once she was settled, I walked over to her, "How are you, any pain, can I get you anything?" I asked.

"No, I think I am okay for now," she looked at Alice and Jasper then back to me, trying to get me to explain their presence.

I lifted my hand and gestured for Alice to come and stand next to me, "Bella, this is Alice," I glanced at Alice who had tears in her eyes, what I was about to do gave me the worst case of heart break I had ever felt. I was about to have to introduce my Bella to her best friend. I watched as Alice's heart broke as well. "Alice is your best friend." I swallowed the knot in my throat.

Alice moved closer to the bed and took Bella's hand holding it tightly, "How you doing honey?" She asked sweetly, I had to turn my head, I couldn't watch it.

"I'm okay," Bella said. "I'm sorry I don't remember you, but the doctor said my memory should come back, so hopefully," she sighed a little, "soon."

I walked around and stood on the other side of the bed next to Bella and watched as Alice desperately tried to trigger her memory by showing her pictures. I watched her face carefully she would look up at me every time a new picture was displayed on the screen of Alice's phone. I could tell it wasn't helping her any. All I could do was stand there, I couldn't make her remember, and I wasn't sure I even wanted to. When the doctor finally came back in we all held our breath, with the exception of Bella who actually perked up a bit.

"Wow, this crowd grew," he commented on the number of people in the room. "This is fine for now but some of you are going to have to leave soon, Bella needs her rest."

"Okay, here's the deal," I primed myself for whatever he was about to hit us with. "There still isn't any abnormality on her CT scan, so I don't think she has full blown amnesia. My diagnosis for now as I said before is post traumatic stress syndrome," I nodded in response and was glad to hear that it wasn't full blown amnesia. "I am confident that her memory will return within thirty or so days. It might start slowly; little things will probably trigger flashes. Then memories will eventually become clearer." He spoke looking back and forth between Bella and I. "Okay, does anyone have any questions?"

I had tons of questions but none that the doctor could answer for me. I looked at Bella to find out if maybe she was feeling the same thing. She shook her head saying she didn't have any questions as I did the same.

"Alright, well if you do have any questions, don't hesitate to call me. You should be able to go home tomorrow afternoon." I couldn't guess what Bella was thinking when he said that. "Okay, Bella try and get some rest, okay?"

She simply nodded.

"Okay Bella, I am going to run home and change," I ran my hands down the front of my shirt that was still stained with her blood, "I will grab you some things too, I will be back as soon as possible."

She smiled that beautiful smile, "Okay, take your time, I'm alright." She waved me off all nonchalant like. Jesus, if she was telling the truth she was doing much better than I was. I couldn't help it; I leaned down and kissed her on the forehead.

I gave her a quick wink as I walked out of the room, motioning for Alice and Jasper to join me.

Alice turned to Bella, "I'll be right back hon." She said as she joined me in the hall.

I waited for the door to close before I spoke, "Okay, I am going to go. Can you guys stay with her while I run to grab some of our things?"

"Sure," Alice said with sympathy.

I noticed that she had Bella's purse along with her own on her shoulder, "Can you hand me Bella's keys? I don't have a house key anymore."

Her face squinted showing a twinge of pain, though I'm not sure who the pain was for. Alice reached in and grabbed the keys. "Thanks, I'll call you when I'm on my way back," I turned to walk away and spun back around to hug Alice. "Alice, I'm sorry, I know that was extremely difficult for you, it was hard for me too."

"I know it was Edward," she hugged tight.

I pulled back, and looked her straight in the eye, "Alice, please don't say anything to Bella that might upset her okay? I'm begging you." I didn't want Alice to tell her about our divorce, if someone was going to have to tell her I wanted it to be me.

"I won't Jesus," she sounded appalled at my reference to her possibly saying anything. "Do you honestly think I would say anything to make this any worse for her?"

"I was just making sure." I stated. Alice was a good person at heart, I knew deep down that Bella's best interest always came first.

As soon as I was in my car I grabbed my phone from my pocket and turned it back on. I had four missed calls and eight missed text messages all from Tanya.

_Jesus this girl is a freak_.

Tanya had been clingy and jealous from the very beginning. I was supposed to call her when I finished this morning, now I was going to have to tell her what had gone on, and that the papers had not been signed. My mind wasn't right and I didn't want to deal with it right now.

Tanya could never compare to Bella and I think she knew it. She would probably freak out when I told her that I was going to be the one taking care of Bella while she recovered. I honestly couldn't have cared less how Tanya felt about the situation. She would just have to understand that part of me would always love Bella and if she didn't understand, well…

I had already blown her off once today, I sighed and I reluctantly sent her a quick text,

_We need to talk._

I started my car and felt my phone vibrate a few minutes later.

_I'm waiting for you in the parking garage at your apartment. Where the hell have you been?_

I rolled my eyes, I had been at the hospital since 11:00 this morning and it was now, 8:00 in the evening. How long had she been waiting there? I found this a little strange and chose not to text her back as I headed home.

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	4. Chapter 4

**Lots 'o' love to MaryV121, for her help in reading over this, and for her help with the blog. **

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight…**

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I pulled up and there she was, sitting in the parking garage in her car waiting for me. As soon as I got out Tanya was on me, "Oh my God Edward!" She threw her arms around my neck in a tight squeeze, I tentatively hugged her back.

_Good God, get a grip woman._

When she wouldn't let go I pried her arms away, "Take it easy, come on in we need to talk." I started making my way to the door and held the key fob up to make the door to the hall unlock.

"Edward, you're scaring me. What's going on?"

I turned to her, "Tanya, I'm fine. Just relax; I'll tell you everything."

She was about to come unglued by the time we made it to my door. I walked in first and held it open for her; she stormed in obviously furious with me.

_Don't go here, I have had the day from hell, and I will not think twice about kicking you to the curb. _

As soon as the door closed she laid into me, "Alright Edward, you better tell me what the fuck is going on or so help me God," she threatened. "Have you been with her all day? Are you getting back together with her?" I didn't like her enough to put up with any of this. "And you better not say that those fucking papers aren't signed either."

"Listen Tanya, don't threaten me, and yes I have been with Bella all day. I will be around whoever I damn well please and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. I am in no mood to deal with your shit." I warned, trying to get her to calm down. I started taking my jacket off; it was then that she noticed my blood stained t-shirt.

"Oh my God, Edward, what happened to your shirt? Are you okay?" Her mood altered instantly, going from anger to concern.

"Yes I'm fine, this isn't my blood." I said, as I continued to move about my apartment.

"Oh shit, you didn't kill her did you?" She joked.

"Tanya, that's not funny. A car skid into Bella in the storm this morning while she was crossing the street to meet me." I spoke firmly trying to let her know that this was serious. I left out the part about her memory for the time being.

Her mouth dropped open in disbelief, "Are you kidding me?"

I shook my head in annoyance, "No I'm not kidding, why the hell would I joke about something like that." On my way to my closet I stopped and turned on the shower.

Tanya followed me like a lost puppy, what she said next nearly turned me inside out, "Well did you get the papers signed?"

I stood there trying to process what she had just asked. I turned to her with my eyebrows furrowed, _surely_ she misunderstood, "Tanya, did you hear what I just said?"

"Yes." She stated.

"So, you heard that Bella got hit by a car? You put the pieces together, and figured out that this is her blood on my shirt?" I pointed to the stains, showing her again.

"Yes."

Damn she was dense, and not to mention heartless. "Jesus Tanya!" I scoffed, "Don't you have any compassion? She had surgery on her knee today. Not only that, but she has four staples in the back of her head where she fell and got a concussion. I wasn't going to have her sign the papers today." I decided to go ahead and tell her the rest of the situation. I took a deep breath and prepared myself for her wrath, I had already decided that if she threw a fit I was going end it. "That's not the worst of it,"

She lifted an eyebrow, "What's the worst of it?"

"The worst of it is; that she has post traumatic stress syndrome, she doesn't remember anything."

"What?" She asked with some skepticism.

I nodded, "Yeah, she doesn't know who I am. She doesn't even remember her books." I took another deep breath, "Her knee injury is going to require physical therapy, and she is going to be a little bit handicapped for a while. I am going to have to take care of her."

She lost it, "What?!"

I just stood there.

She paced my bathroom and I decided to turn the shower off, oh this is going to be good. I was already extremely frustrated and she was about to start World War III right here in my apartment. _Bring it on_… I thought to myself.

"I can't believe you are going to take care of her like that, after everything you have told me about her. I honestly can't believe you can even stand the sight of her!" She didn't even seem to take a breath between sentences. "You are unbelievable, I want you to go up there right now and get her to sign those papers." Finally she took a breath, "If she doesn't know who you are then I don't see what the big deal is, it won't even bother her to sign them! Does she even know about the divorce? Or weren't you man enough to tell her?"

I was pissed and finally stepped in, how dare she question my integrity as a man, "Stop, stop right there!" I held my hand up to silence her, "I may not be in love with her any more, but she is still my wife and I am still obligated to take care of her. She doesn't have anyone else. You should see her, she looks terrified. I left her with her best friend; I had to re-introduce them for Christ's sake!" My arms were being flung in the air as I rehashed the unbelievable events of the day. I felt a sadness prickle me as I remembered the look on Bella's face when I had to tell her Alice was her best friend. "And no, she doesn't know that we are getting a divorce and she doesn't know about you. She has been through enough today, and deserves to be able to rest without worrying about any of this." I gestured between us.

"I don't give a shit!" She screamed and stomped her feet like a five year old.

I shook my head, I had had enough. I had way too much to worry about without having to deal with her.

_You don't love her, hell you don't even like her. Tanya is a cheap imitation of something that you are desperately trying to replace._

"Well you know what," I began. "You can get the hell out for all I care." I motioned toward the door. She looked shocked. Did she honestly think she could act that way and I would stay with her? Now that I thought about it, I should never have started dating her or anyone else in the first place. I was still very broken because of what Bella and I had gone through.

"Are you breaking up with me?" She asked.

I took a deep breath, "Yes, I am."

"You son of a bitch! How can you do this to me?" A few angry tears spilled out onto her cheeks. I didn't feel the need to hold her or console her in any way. I knew that if I did, it would only give her the wrong idea.

"Do what to you? I have been honest with you from the beginning. I told you that I wasn't in for anything serious, and that I didn't want to get married any time soon."

"I…I…," she couldn't finish her sentence.

"Listen Tanya, it's obvious that you are hurt, and I am sorry for that but there is just no way for this to work. I have enough to think about right now without having to worry about one more relationship." I hoped she would understand and just kiss me on the cheek and let this go.

"I guess, I didn't listen to you, or didn't want to listen to you, I don't know." I wasn't surprised. Tanya had always been desperate, hearing only what she wanted to hear.

I finally went to her; hugging her around her shoulders, "I'm sorry."

Realization finally struck me, and the words came out of my mouth before I could stop them, "The truth is my heart belongs to someone else. Bella and I _are_ getting a divorce and it is over, but it isn't fair for me to be in a relationship with anyone until I get myself together." I knew I wouldn't be able to give myself to anyone else until I had truly grieved what we'd lost. This epiphany nearly floored me. I still loved Bella, in every way possible. Maybe these next few weeks would be good for me. I could use them as a way to gain closure and move on.

Tanya pulled back and I waited for her to strike me with violent words. She shocked the hell out of me, "Okay," my mouth dropped open in disbelief. "I hate it and I don't understand it, after everything you have told me." She shook her head like I was crazy. "It doesn't matter anyway, you are easily replaced." She was speaking calmly but still trying to sting me with that one, I couldn't have cared less.

"I need to take a shower and get back to Bella; you can wait for me if you want so you don't have to walk to the parking garage alone."

She nodded and moved to the sofa, grabbing a magazine and making herself comfortable. I shook my head and went to the bathroom.

I made sure I locked the door; Tanya had been known to jump me in the shower uninvited. I didn't want that.

I took my clothes off and stepped in. The hot water felt great after such a stressful day. Every muscle in my body seemed to ache and my brain was exhausted from the mental warfare. I was worried about Bella; I wanted to get back to her as soon as I could. I showered quickly and threw on a new pair of jeans and a clean t-shirt.

I emptied my pockets from my other jeans and found Bella's ring. I held onto it, and placed that along with the divorce papers in my lap top case. I packed an overnight bag and grabbed my pillow on the way out.

"Ready?" I asked.

"I guess," she said as she stood up.

We walked to the garage in silence.

I got to my car and threw my things in the back seat.

I turned to find Tanya standing right behind me, she threw her arms around my neck, "I am going to go, but you have my number if you ever…you know, need anything."

_Way to play hard to get Tanya._

I knew that this girl would still have let me have her if I wanted her. With one simple word I could get her to drop her panties and bend over the hood of my car. She was nothing like Bella.

"I'll let you know." I said simply, knowing I would never call her for anything like that.

She smiled and kissed me one last time. Her tongue forced its way into my mouth, rather than be rude I kissed her back, but pulled away first.

"Good luck Edward, and give my regards to Bella." She said, like the snotty little bitch that she was. I shook my head at her angrily and slid into my car.

I grabbed about four pieces of gum and crammed them into my mouth to get rid of Tanya's taste. It wasn't a bad taste; it just wasn't the one I craved.

As I drove I realized that a small weight had been lifted. I hadn't known how hard it had been to maintain another relationship while I was going through a divorce. _Idiot. _I scolded myself for trying to date so soon. I removed Tanya from my mind; it was over and done with. I put my focus back on Bella.

**~*~*~*~*~*~**

I pulled up to what used to be "our" driveway and pulled out Bella's keys. Looking down I noticed there were two keys to the house, one was hers and the other used to be mine. It pained me to imagine her twisting my key through the key chain. I pushed the emotion back and unlocked the door.

I walked in and inhaled deeply; letting the familiar aroma of our house engulf me, lavender and chamomile. Bella said that those smells were supposed to be calming, hmm that obviously hadn't worked.

I made my way to _our_ bedroom. As I flicked on the light I had to do a double take, I put my hands on either side of the door frame and leaned back out into the hall. Looking left and right to make sure I had the right bedroom.

_What the fuck?_

Bella had completely changed the entire thing. All of it, down to the lighting and flooring were different. It didn't even smell the same, now it smelled like her and only her. It used to smell like a glorious mixture of her shampoo and my cologne. The night I packed my things to move out, I had stopped at this very doorway and inhaled deeply, trying to sear that smell into my brain.

Bella had obviously hired a contractor to work on a few things, the windows were the same but that was it. I stood there taking it in and wondered why she had done such a thing. I felt the need to ask her about it, but I knew that it would be at no avail.

I wouldn't find my answer tonight so I went ahead and found her some comfortable pajamas and some other personal items before getting her pillow and walking out the door. I backed up a few feet and looked in our room one more time. I shook the thoughts out of my head and headed for the kitchen for a bottle of water.

**~*~*~*~*~*~**

I looked down at my watch once I finally made it back to my car, _fuck_ 10:00. She would probably be sleeping but I called her to see if she needed anything else before I got there.

Alice answered, "Hello?"

"Alice?"

"Hey Edward,"

"Where's Bella?"

"She's sleeping. Where the heck are you?" She whispered obviously trying not to wake Bella. My interlude with Tanya had taken longer than expected.

"I'm just now leaving the house; I was calling to find out if she needed anything else before I got back."

"Oh, well she was saying she was a little hungry, they brought her food from the cafeteria but she didn't want it."

"Well what do you think will sound good to her?"

"She had some jello earlier but she didn't finish it, she said she wanted real food. Why don't you just run through taco bell and get her a taco or something."

"Ok, I'll do that; I should be there in about fifteen minutes."

I pulled through taco bell and ordered something for both of us, I hadn't eaten since this morning and I was starving. I decided I would stop and pick up some mint chocolate chip ice cream for Bella. It was her favorite. I used to buy her a pint of it every Friday night. She would eat the whole thing and then work her butt off the rest of the week trying to burn it off. I wasn't sure if she would remember it or not but I wanted to try.

**~*~*~*~*~*~**

I got all of the stuff out of my car, I am not exactly sure how I managed that, but I did. I hobbled into her room where Alice and Jasper were waiting. Jasper got up immediately to help me, grabbing my laptop first. "Thanks," I said appreciatively.

Bella was still sleeping, "How is she going to eat if she is asleep?" I crooked an eyebrow at Alice. "It's tacos, they won't be good later."

"You need to wake her after we leave; I want to talk to you outside for a moment before she wakes up." She was making her way to the door and I followed. Uh oh, this probably wasn't good.

Jasper followed us and I let the door to her room close gently.

"Edward, I didn't say anything to her about the divorce but she is curious. I dodged as many questions as I could. You are going to have to tell her, it's just a matter of time before she comes out and asks you."

I got nervous, "Alice, I was hoping I wouldn't have to tell her, maybe her memory will come back before I have to say anything."

"Edward how exactly are you going to pull that off? You aren't living in the house. Don't you think she is going to notice that your clothes and other things aren't there?" She looked at me like I was an idiot.

Shit, I hadn't thought about that. I realized that I was going to have to tell her, but I wasn't going to do it tonight.

Alice noticed my strained appearance, so her demeanor changed to something that matched my own. She stepped closer to me and pressed her nose to the front of my clean shirt, taking a big whiff, "I am guessing that she doesn't know about your little girlfriend either, does she?"

I gasped and nearly choked on my own tongue, "What?" I stuttered.

"Yeah, that's right, I know all about it. A friend of mine and Bella's saw you out to dinner with her a few nights ago. You had your fingers intertwined and resting on the table."

I thought back and remembered that Tanya and I had been out together a few nights back. Realization set in and I let my shoulders slump in defeat, I had no argument. "No I haven't told her that either. Did she know about this before the accident?"

"No, I was waiting to tell her about it until after the divorce." Her eyes squinted in anger at me. Who could blame her? "You were with her tonight weren't you? I can smell perfume on you and I know Bella doesn't wear that cheap crap." Her face went red, "How could you do that to Bella, especially when all of this is going on?" Did she think I had been with Tanya tonight and slept with her?

I backed away from her slightly, "Alice, Tanya was waiting for me at my apartment, and I had to tell her what was going on." I said defensively, "I didn't sleep with her, I only hugged her. But just so you know I broke it off, it's over."

"It's over? Why should I believe you?"

"I would _never_ lie about something like this!" I said sternly.

"You have obviously been lying to Bella, if you have been cheating on her."

"I didn't even meet Tanya until after I had already moved out. Bella and I had already filed for divorce." I didn't consider it cheating.

Alice sighed heavily, "Listen to me Edward; you need to tell her about you and whoever that girl is. She has a right to know." I could tell by her tone of voice that she didn't believe me when I said that I had broken up with Tanya.

I bucked up trying to defend myself, "Listen Alice," I said angrily. "This isn't any of your business. Why don't you just take care of your little family and let me take care of mine?" I saw Jasper out of the corner of my eye move closer to Alice like he was going to protect her. "I am going to take care of Bella until she gets better and then this is over, what she doesn't know won't hurt her."

I waited for a moment before continuing, I didn't want Bella to ever find out, but I still felt the need to let Alice in on a little secret, "As far as _'that girl'_ goes, I bet you didn't know that Bella and I hadn't made love in over a year did you?" She looked shocked and shook her head, "That's what I thought. Bella neglected to mention that didn't she?"

"She didn't tell me that, but it's beside the point." She pointed to me, "Either you tell her about the girlfriend," then she pointed back to herself, "or I will tell her for you."

I let my head slump in surrender Alice was right, I was a dick, I should have waited until the divorce was final to start dating, "I-," I couldn't finish, I was exhausted.

"That's fine Edward but she still deserves to know, don't make me tell her because I will."

I stood there for a moment, "Okay, just give me some time." I felt like I was begging, "Please don't say anything to her, let me do it when I'm ready."

"Alright," she seemed pacified for the moment. "I will give you a call tomorrow to see how things are going, just let me know if you need anything."

I nodded and watched her walk off; I knew she was just as exhausted as I was.

Jasper looked at me and shook his head, "Good luck Edward, I think you're going to need it."

He walked off trying to catch up to Alice.

_Well fuck. This just keeps getting better and better doesn't it?_

I stood just outside the door trying to get it together. I still wasn't going to bring up our divorce tonight, I would tell her later. As far as Tanya went I still had no intention of telling Bella about her. But I knew the information should come from me. Alice was a woman of her word, if she said she would tell Bella about it, she would. I didn't want that, I decided that as soon as her memory came back, I would tell her the truth.

I took a deep breath and pushed the door open, much to my surprise Bella was awake, "Hey," I said tenderly as I entered the room smiling at her. She returned my smile. The sight of her smiling at me made my heart flicker.

"Hey, everything okay?" She asked.

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, "Sure, I mean I guess it's okay considering the day we've had."

"Oh, well I was just wondering, I thought I heard something going on out in the hall."

I wondered what she'd heard, "Oh, don't worry, everything is fine," I said, and then changed the subject quickly. "Are you hungry?" I asked as I made my way over to the little table where the food was sitting. "I got you a couple of tacos. Does that sound okay? I can get you something else if it's not."

"Starving, sounds fine, anything sounds good right now." I pulled a chair over next to her bed and handed her some of her food. We ate in awkward silence, for a moment before Bella finally spoke, "Alice seems really nice, I wish I could remember her."

I nodded and smiled sympathetically, "Alice is great, she has been a really good friend to you for a long time." Even though my opinion of Alice was waning, I didn't want to paint the wrong picture for Bella. "She loves you like a sister." I glanced at her face and my words seemed to sadden her. "Don't worry Bella, you will remember everything soon." I tried to make her feel better by reassuring her a little, I couldn't tell if it worked.

We finished eating, and I stood up making my way back over to her things, "I brought your pillow for you, do you want it?"

"Sure," she said.

"Here, sit up," she sat up as best she could and I tucked the pillow in behind her head. "Better?" I asked.

"Much, thank you."

"I got you something else too," I went and grabbed the bag containing the pint of her favorite ice cream. I pulled it out and showed it to her, hoping she would remember it.

"Is that?" Her eyes squinted in an attempt to get a better look, "Is that mint chocolate chip ice cream?"

I smiled, "It's your favorite, do you remember?" _Please remember._

"I do, it's been my favorite since I was a kid."

I didn't remind her that I had bought her a pint of it every Friday night for the first three years of our marriage. "Yup, here do you want some?" I started walking toward her as I opened the ice cream.

She pointed across the room to a tray that contained her uneaten dinner from the hospital cafeteria, "There is a plastic spoon over there, I ate some cherry jello with it earlier, I can just use that." I saw the spoon and grabbed it.

"Here you go," I handed both the ice cream and spoon to her and sat back down in the chair. It must have been awkward for her to sit there and have me watch her eat.

"Edward, don't just stare at me," she said sassily. I couldn't help the smile that seemed to naturally appear on my face, her tone of voice sounded like my Bella. _My Bella_. "Here, do you want some?" She held a spoonful of the ice cream out to me.

I shook my head, "I will finish whatever you don't want."

I saw her smile turn into a smirk, "Well I hate to tell you this, but I am pretty sure I can finish this entire thing on my own."

I laughed, "Actually, I know you can finish it on your own. I have watched you do it at least a hundred times before."

She held the spoon out again, "Come on take a bite," I sighed and leaned forward, grinning as she put the spoon and its contents into my mouth. "Good?" She asked.

"Yup, it always is." I licked my lips a little and watched a wicked grin appear on her face. _What is she thinking?_

She continued eating and I noticed a little bit of chocolate on the side of her mouth. Under normal circumstances I would have leaned in and gotten it off with my tongue, and part of me wanted to. Instead I stood up and swiped my thumb across her lips. She grinned, "What are you doing?" She asked.

"You had some ice cream on the side of your lip."

"Sure I did," she said, with the cocky grin still in place. "Are you sure you weren't just using that as an excuse to get your fingers near my mouth?"

I knew that she didn't remember _us,_ but it hadn't occurred to me that every time I touched her even if it wasn't sexual in nature, it would feel new to her.

Good God the things I could do to her if given the chance. What an opportunity that would be. To show her what my body was capable of, or perhaps more importantly, to show her what _her_ body was capable of. Sweet Lord, if she only knew.

The thought of me bending her over the back of the couch and giving her the orgasm of her life slipped in.

_I could hear her screaming my name over and over as I drove her closer and closer to orgasm. _

"_Yes Edward! Just like that, I'm going to come baby! Don't stop!"_

_The thoughts made my cock twitch. But my brain didn't stop there. I imagined fisting a chunk of her hair and pulling her naked body up to my chest so I could reach around and work her clit with my fingers. I could picture myself marring her perfect neck with my teeth, as I breathlessly whispered dirty words in an effort to get her to fly over the edge. "Just like that? Do you like it when I fuck your tight little-," _

Bella pulled me back, "Edward,"

I shook my head, breaking the imaginary fucking loose. "Huh?" I glanced at her nervously.

"What the hell were you thinking about?" She asked.

I bit my bottom lip, "It's nothing, don't worry about it."

I must have made her nervous because she changed the subject.

"So Edward, I was glad to hear that we don't have any children."

I felt a shocked expression float over my face, that thought hadn't even occurred to me, and I was thankful too, "How did you find that out?"

"Alice told me, I asked her. This would be so much worse if there were kids involved," God, she didn't know how right she was. She swallowed her bite and continued, "I can't imagine not being able to remember my own children."

The thought of us having children at this point saddened me on so many levels, she was right; it would have been awful to have to explain the dynamics of this situation to a child. "Yeah, we don't have any," I hoped she wouldn't question the children issue any further. Those kinds of questions could lead to me having to tell her that we were currently split.

I sighed in relief when she changed the subject again, "Hey, Edward? The Doctor asked me if I kept a journal. Do you know if I have one?"

I thought for a moment, I wasn't sure. Why didn't I know the answer to this question? "I don't know if you do or not. Why?"

Bella looked perplexed, she was probably wondering why I didn't know as well, "Well, he thought that if I had a journal I should go back and read it, that it might trigger some memories. He also said that if I don't have one already I should start keeping one." She tilted her head and watched me for a moment.

Good god almighty, if she did have a journal there was no telling what was written in it. I bet the last year's worth of entries would have nothing but hate letters to me in it. "Maybe you should ask Alice, she might know." I suggested.

"I already asked her, she said she wasn't sure."

"Oh, well I don't know either but I will get you a journal tomorrow." She handed me the half eaten pint, "Are you finished?" I asked curiously. This was a shock she had finished it every other time before. She simply nodded, "You're sure?"

"I'm sure," she said.

"Okay," I started eating the rest of it.

"So we don't have any children, and how long have we been married?"

I answered quickly, "Four years," I got a little nervous, because of her question, and even more nervous because of my answer.

I continued eating and I glanced at Bella a few times; she was watching me, studying my face. What was she thinking? Was her memory coming back, I finally asked her, "What?" I asked with a mouth full of ice cream.

"Edward, I need to ask you something,"

I shrugged my shoulders, trying to play cool, even though I knew what was coming, "Oh, go ahead, ask away."

"Well it's kind of hard, I mean," she sat there silently.

"Bella, seriously whatever it is can't be that bad, you can ask me anything." I wanted to let her know that I would be honest with her, no matter how hard it might be.

"Okay, here it goes," she took nervous breath. "We're not in love," she started, "are we?"

It was a simple legitimate question.

My eyes shot to hers, and my heart fell to my feet. Something about the way she worded it, _"We're not in love, are we?" _ I repeated the words in my head.

Was that the truth?

I knew from my epiphany earlier that my heart still belonged to Bella. But our marriage was over, I just need time to mourn the situation.

I wasn't exactly sure how to answer the question. If I said, _"Yes, we're in love,"_ that would be answering for Bella as well, and I wasn't sure how she felt. If I said, _"No, we're not in love,"_ that wouldn't exactly be true either.

* * *

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	5. Chapter 5

**As always, thanks to MaryV121 for her read over and her help with the blog.**

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**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight…**

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I said the only thing I knew to say, "No, we're not."

I finally let my eyes meet hers again. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but a blank stare sure wasn't it. For what seemed like several minutes we just sat there in silence.

I hated wondering if my words had hurt her in some way. But how could they? She didn't know me.

_She's waiting for you to explain. _

I argued with myself on what to say or where to begin.

"Edward?" She questioned, breaking the stream of silence.

"I don't know what to say Bella." It was now or never, she might as well know the truth. "We were meeting this morning to sign our divorce papers. I moved out two months ago." _There, I said it. _The truth hurts but that's what it was… the truth, plain and simple. "Who told you?"

"No one told me, I figured it out."

"How?" I asked.

"Well for one thing you haven't even tried to hug me since I woke up. At first I thought you were just being sensitive to the fact that I couldn't remember you. But then, I kept trying to ask Alice about you and she avoided it like the plague. She would get nervous and try to change the subject, that's how I found out about all of my books."

"Alice told you about your books?" I made a mental note to thank Alice for her efforts later.

"Yeah, I can't wait to read them." She sighed then took a breath like she wanted to say something else, but remained quiet.

The room grew silent again and Bella avoided my eyes. I tried to read her face, and came up empty. I had to ask, "What are you thinking?"

Her eyebrows furrowed, "Aside from the fact that: I have lost my memory, I just had a surgery that has me in some pain, I am married to a man who is not in love with me, and I am getting a divorce," she took a deep breath. "Nothing, I'm not thinking a damn thing Edward."

There was my sassy Bella. I could tell by the tone in her voice she was frustrated, and with good reason. It was a lot to take in.

A minute smirk pulled at one side of my mouth, "You think this is funny?" She asked sternly, "Tell me Edward, just what is it that you find amusing about this situation?"

I reached for her hand in an effort to calm her, and she jerked it away, "Okay, I'm sorry. You're right; there isn't anything funny about this. I was only smiling because for the first time since you woke up you were," I paused searching for the right word. "Well, you were kinda feisty."

She tried to hide her smile, but she couldn't, not from me anyway. I could always see a Bella smile coming from beneath the surface. It was her eyes, they always gave her away, a smile of the lips was rarely necessary.

She straightened her face out to reveal a more serious one, "Okay well would you mind telling me what happened? Between us, I mean."

I shook my head, "Actually, I would mind. It doesn't matter, you will get your memory back and you will know everything then." There was no reason to re-hash the entire situation. Now, if for some reason it didn't come back within a month or so, then, maybe we could discuss it.

"Point taken," she said. "I guess there's no point in going over it when it will all come back to me sooner or later anyway."

"Exactly," I said. I was thankful that she didn't ask me to elaborate.

"Well, I guess since we don't live together I will have to get someone to come in and help me around the house while I recover. The doctor told me while you were gone that I should have 60 percent of my range of motion back within a week."

I stopped her, "Wait, Bella. You don't have to get anyone; I am going to stay with you until you get better. I am still your husband it's my responsibility."

_Oh shit, that came out wrong._

"Edward, I don't want to be _anyone's _responsibility. I am twenty six years old, I can handle this myself."

"Bella, I didn't mean it that way. What I meant to say, was that I want to be the one to help take care of you. I can take some time off."

"Absolutely not," she said in protest, "I refuse to be a burden. You say you moved out two months ago? You obviously have a life and a job of your own that you need to tend to."

This was vintage Bella, always wanting to take care of things herself. Constantly refusing help from anyone. That was about to change, because I wasn't going to budge.

"Bella, I insist. Please let me help you," I pleaded, "don't hire some stranger to come in when you have me."

She sat there pondering for a minute, "Bella, you don't have a choice. You may not know yourself, but I know you. Who better to help you than me?"

I could tell I at least had her thinking about it. Finally, she agreed, "Alright, fine. But you have to tell me if it becomes too much for you."

"I will. I promise," I said.

"So what's the plan, are you just going to get some clothes and sleep at my place?" She asked.

"That's the general idea. You kept the house, so I will just go to my apartment tomorrow and get some clothes so I can stay with you."

"I kept the house?" She asked in shock.

I nodded.

"Well aren't you the generous one?"

I couldn't help but laugh, "Generous nothing, you demanded the house and rather than fight about it I just gave in."

"Oh," she replied. "Well what did you get out of the situation?"

_A broken heart. _

_Clothes. _

_A bunch of memories that you no longer have. _

_My motorcycle. _

I didn't comment further on the division of the assets. "Seriously Bella, it's late. I think you should just try to get some sleep. Not only that, but I thought we already agreed, we weren't going to talk about it?"

"I didn't agree, _you_ decided," she said. "You're really not going to talk about the divorce?"

"Nope," I said.

"Well that's okay." She said with a sly smile, "I have a feeling that I can be pretty persuasive when I want to be."

_You have no idea. _

I stood up and brushed some stray hairs out of her eyes. "Go to sleep Bella." I kissed her forehead and I swear I saw her cheeks flush. I got up from my seat and headed to the door.

"Where are you going?" She asked.

"I'm going to get some more water. Do you want some?" I asked.

"Yes please," she said through a yawn.

"Okay, I will be right back."

By the time I returned Bella was fast asleep.

_Thank God for pain meds._

I reclined in the uncomfortable sleeping chair and tried to rest as well. I knew I would be lucky to catch a few hours sleep.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

The next afternoon couldn't come quick enough. We met with the doctor one more time; he gave us instruction on how to handle her knee. Don't submerge in water for a week; showering was fine but no baths. Try to get up and move around as much as possible but use the crutches. Call the physical therapist and start a routine as quickly as you can.

Then they fitted her with a brace that was to be worn unless showering or otherwise instructed by the physical therapist.

Finally after a mountain of paperwork they released her.

The silence in the car on the way home was comfortable. We pulled up to the driveway and I heard Bella gasp. "What?" I asked curiously.

"This is our house?"

"Well it's _your_ house," I corrected.

"And I live here alone?"

I laughed at her observation of the size of this place. "Yeah, I know. Sometimes I wonder why you continue living here when it's so large, and you're barely here yourself."

I gathered her things and took them inside before helping her out of my car.

She insisted on getting around on her own, with the use of her crutches of course. "Wow, this is beautiful." She gawked when we made it into the kitchen.

I was slightly amused. I wondered what it might be like to see this place with fresh eyes. We made our way from room to room Bella was _"ooing"_ and _"ahhing"_ each time she saw something new. I must admit I enjoyed the fact that I was the one getting to show her this place. She had the same reaction the first time we saw it together. It was like reliving that moment all over again.

Finally, we made it to the master bedroom. "Wow, this is amazing. I can't believe you ever agreed to sleep in this room with me, it seems kind of feminine."

I shook my head, "I didn't sleep in this room with you, well not exactly. It hasn't always looked this way. I think you hired a contractor and had everything about the room changed when I moved out."

"Really? That's weird. Why did I do that?" She asked.

"I'm not really sure, I was actually hoping you might be able to shed some light on the whole thing."

I showed her around the bathroom and closet, making sure she knew exactly where to find her things.

She thanked me through her yawn, "I guess your pain meds are kicking in?" I asked.

"I think so; would it be alright if I lay down for a while?"

"Sure, let me help you get all the pillows off the bed first."

Of course I had to help her change into a pair of loose fitting pajama bottoms. She didn't seem embarrassed, but she still had on her bra and panties. We would have to see how she reacted to me seeing her naked when it came time to shower. I wondered how _I _might handle that situation. My imagination had gotten the best of me the night before, and seeing her naked might prove to be a challenge.

_You're going to be a gentleman._ I told myself and left it at that.

I got her settled, "Okay, do you have everything you need?" I listed things off checking to make sure she had everything, "Remote to the TV, water, cell phone, anything else you can think of?"

"Nope I think I got it."

"Alright, well I feel bad for leaving you but I need to run to my apartment and grab some more clothes. Then I am going to run to the store, I am sure we need food. I have my cell phone on me so please call me if you need anything. Okay?"

"Don't worry about it Edward, I'll be fine."

She would be, I would probably be gone for an hour at the most, and she would be out cold for at least two. "Okay," I kissed the top of her head. "I'll be back shortly."

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

I found myself rushing, almost in a panic to get back to her; I grabbed clothes from my place quickly. And I swear I have never made such rapid work of the grocery store before.

I made a quick phone call to Jasper and Alice to give them an update and ask if they wouldn't mind going to get Bella's car from downtown tomorrow. Hers was still there. Not that she would be able to drive it any time soon but still, I didn't want to leave it down there.

Alice was happy to find out that I had been forced to tell Bella about the divorce. Now she just wanted me to tell her about Tanya. That conversation was going to have to wait.

I did the same with Emmett and Rosalie. Rosalie answered, "Hey how's she doing?" She asked.

"She seems okay. I just went to the store to pick up her prescription. If she's in any pain she sure isn't complaining about it."

"Well, Bella's tough or have you forgotten?"

"No, I haven't forgotten. She just seems to be handling this entire situation really well. Honestly I can't imagine being in her shoes right now."

"Well you're a man. I can tell you what you'd be doing right now; you would be bellyaching like a little girl, cryin' for your momma. Which reminds me, have you filled your parents in on this little situation?"

"No, they'll be back tomorrow. There is no need to freak mom out when there is nothing they can do. Besides, everything is under control, I'll tell them as soon as they get back."

"Alright, sounds good. Keep us posted, and be sure to let me know if you need anything. I mean it Edward, you don't have to handle this yourself, all of us are more than willing to help you."

"Thanks Rose, I appreciate that."

**~*~*~*~*~*~**

The first thing I did when I got back was check in on Bella. I sighed in relief, she hadn't moved and was still sleeping.

Now that I was back, I took my time getting the groceries unloaded and setting myself up in the guest bedroom. I organized my clothes and made myself at home. Again.

I checked on her once more before making my way to the kitchen. I was going to cook us some dinner and then wake her up so she could eat.

I was cutting up a tomato to go in a salad when I heard her, "Can I help you with anything?" She asked.

I turned towards the entrance to the kitchen, "Bella. How long have you been up?" I made my way over to her, "Why didn't you call for me? I could have helped you get out of bed."

"Oh Edward," she scoffed, "don't dote on me. I can certainly get out of the bed on my own." She smacked me lightly on the chest, "I'm fine. Now, can I help you with anything?" She asked again.

I laughed, "Well I think I have it handled. Why don't you go sit down? I will bring you dinner when it's ready."

It was merely a suggestion but Bella wouldn't have it.

"No. Why don't you help me get up on the counter, so you have someone to talk to while you finish cooking?"

I rolled my eyes at her. I knew better than to try and argue with her. She had made up her mind. I guided her to the counter and hoisted her up. She winced slightly when I placed her left leg out straight on the counter beside her and stood between her legs for a moment. The brace kept her knee in position but I'm sure it still hurt. "Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yes, it hurts to move but once I am in a position I feel good."

"Okay. Can I get you anything, water or something?"

"Water is fine."

I grabbed a bottle and handed it to her, before getting back to the salad. "Hey, wait." She said.

I turned and she pulled at my collar to get me closer, "What?" I asked with a smirk because of the way she had pulled at me and our proximity. Something I hadn't noticed until it was too late, was that my hand was absentmindedly resting on her thigh.

She tugged at my hair, "Has your hair always looked like this?"

"Yes," I laughed. "Why?"

"I like it," she said as she chewed delicately on her bottom lip.

Again, I laughed.

"What's so funny?" She asked.

"Nothing really, it just doesn't surprise me that you feel that way about my hair. It was actually one of the first things that attracted you to me." I said as I moved back to the salad.

"It was not," she said in disbelief.

"I swear to God. One night we were working on your first book and you just couldn't keep your hands off me." I teased, "You reached up and ran your fingers through my hair. Then when I questioned you about it, you blamed it on a nonexistent piece of lint. "

"I think you're full of shit." She said as she continued to chuckle.

I looked over at her cockily, "Why would I lie to you? Your memory is going to come back, and you will know the truth."

"I guess that's true. So is that how our relationship started, with me running my fingers through your hair?"

"Yup," I joked, "my hair swept you off your feet."

"Seriously Edward, I want to know how we met."

I wasn't sure if I was comfortable having this conversation with her or not. Maybe just a little bit of information would satisfy her curiosity. I couldn't refuse to tell her, she had every right to know. And honestly the beginning of our relationship was the best part. She deserved to know.

"I was, _am_ your editor. That's how we met. We worked together for a couple of months and one night we were working late and you did exactly what I said you did. You ran your fingers through my hair." I made purposeful eye contact, "Twice."

She pursed her lips and rolled her eyes, "So that's it? I made the first move?"

I nodded, "You did make the first move, but,"

"But what?"

"Uugh, you're just not going to quit until I say it are you?"

"Nope," she said with confidence as she reached into the salad and grabbed a piece of tomato.

"Okay. You did make the first move, but I wanted you the minute I saw you. It was just a matter of time before I made the move myself." I realized then that I might not have ever said those words to her. That maybe this was the first time I had ever told her how badly I wanted her in the beginning.

"So what happened on our first date?"

Good God, she wanted details. I hadn't thought about it in such a long time. I wanted to end the conversation, but something kept me going. "I took you to a little deli around the corner from where I lived at the time, and we got to know each other."

"That's it? Nothing _else_ happened?" I could hear the flirty tone in her voice. She was asking about _that._

"Well some _stuff _happened, but not," I looked her in the eyes again, "_that_." I finished. Part of me wanted to go into detail about what happened on our first date. The way we'd made out like teenagers in my car. How I watched her stumble on her way back to her own car when she got out to go home. And the pride I'd felt at knowing I had been the one to make her go weak in the knees.

_Edward! You idiot! This is Grade A, first class flirting. _

It was too late; she was already on board with the flirting. "So when did _that_ happen?"

"Not for a few weeks, and yes I had to beg you for it. You were a terrible flirt and a tease." A distant memory of me trapping her in a supply closet at my office and begging her to let me have her drifted through my mind.

"_I have to be alone with you. I am going to ask you one more time. Will you come over tonight? Let me cook you dinner and cuddle with you on my couch. I want to lose all train of thought while watching a movie, and make love to you all night long."_

I kept that one to myself, but couldn't help the goofy grin I had on my face because of the thoughts.

"Edward?"

I shook my head to come out of it, "What?"

"You were saying?" She asked.

"Oh you were a tease and a flirt," I glanced at the oven and decided to check the chicken in an effort to avoid the rest of the topic. "I think dinner is ready. Are you hungry?" I asked.

"Starved,"

I walked to her and picked her up off the counter. "I think we'll eat in the living room. That way we can watch TV." Eating in the living room wasn't something that Bella allowed before, but she didn't know that now. I carried her to the couch and set her down gently. "Wait here," I joked.

"Nooo really? I was thinking about changing into some running shoes and going for a three mile jog before dinner."

"Such a smart ass." I said under my breath as I walked back to the kitchen.

"What was that?" I heard her ask.

"Nothing."

"Yeah, that's what I thought." She said.

Our meal was comfortable and quiet. We ate and watched TV together. I was thankful for the chatter of the television; it kept me from having to evade any other sensitive subjects.

After dinner … now that was another story.

"I think I want to take a shower." She said.

_Oh shit! Here we go._

"Okay well what do you need help with? Or maybe the more appropriate question is… what are you comfortable with me helping you with?" It sounded like a sexual innuendo but it wasn't. I was serious; I didn't know what to do.

"Well, I noticed that the shower in the master bathroom has a tiled seat in it. I think I can actually handle the shower myself but I might need some help getting in."

I nodded and helped her up from the couch and handed her the crutches.

We made it to the bathroom and I turned the shower on for her, "I think, I'll let you undress by yourself, then when you are ready just let me know and I'll help you get in."

I didn't want to make the situation any more awkward by watching her undress, this wasn't a strip tease. I waited outside the bathroom and after a few minutes curiosity got the best of me. I peeked through the crack in the door to make sure she was doing alright.

She was just standing there, staring at herself in the mirror. Naked. I could see her top half, the bottom half was mostly blocked by the counter. I knocked a few times to alert her, "Bella, is it okay if I come in?"

"Sure," she said.

I only let my eyes stare at her face in the mirror, but I couldn't help it. The smile came naturally at the sight of her naked again. "Why are you just staring at yourself?" I asked.

"I don't want to say, it's going to sound conceded." She sounded a little bashful but I didn't think it was because she was naked. Bella had never been ashamed of her body, and it didn't really surprise me that she seemed to have no problem standing naked in front of me.

"No it won't, I want to know. What is it?" I asked.

"Well, I'm just," she sighed heavily, "the last time I saw my body I was twenty two years old. I'm happy to see that I've obviously still got it."

I bent over at the waist in laughter. She was right, her body was beautiful. She had an hourglass figure, perfectly toned muscle and the most beautiful breasts you have ever laid your eyes on. "I think I am going to have to agree with you. You definitely still have it."

My eyes scanned her body, taking in the beautiful curves. "Ehum," she cleared her throat and my eyes made their way back up to her face where I was met with a huge grin. "Did you want to stand there ogling my goodies? Or did you want to help me get this brace off so I can shower?'

I chuckled slightly and shook my head. "I guess I'll help you with your brace." I joked.

I knelt down and removed the brace, while she balanced herself with her hands on my shoulders. I had to make a conscious effort to not to, kiss, lick, or take a bite of her inner thigh. Not once did she try to cover herself and she held her confident grin in place the entire time.

By the time she was in the shower I was semi-hard. I adjusted my jeans, and went to grab a fresh pair of pajamas for her to sleep in. I scolded myself for looking at her the way I had.

_You shouldn't be looking at her like that. She is only flirting because she doesn't remember the truth. Keep it under control. _

All of my thoughts of 'control' were thrown out the window when she opened the shower door and stood there naked and waiting for me.

I'm not sure what it was. Maybe it was the mere sight of her, or maybe it was because she was wet and seemed to be taunting me. It's likely that the fact that I hadn't seen her naked in such a long time was affecting me the most.

I grabbed a clean white towel and guided her out of the shower. Neither of us spoke while I dried her off. As I patted her body lightly I found bruise after bruise from her accident. Along with, small cuts and scrapes on her arms, and a large bruise on her hand where they had removed her IV. It was the reminder I needed to help me put the unwelcomed desire aside. I handled her knee carefully and made sure that it was completely dry.

"Edward, I don't know how to thank you for doing this," she finally said once her clothes were back on. "I am sure this is putting a huge damper on your life."

I led her to the bed, and sat her down, I held both of her hands and made sure she was looking at me before I spoke, "Bella listen to me, you are never a damper, never a burden." _You never were_. "I don't want you to ever think that, okay?"

"Okay," she said. "Edward, I think my pain meds are wearing off. Either that, or I have just done a little too much too soon, with the shower and everything."

I stood quickly wanting to alleviate any pain that I could. "Oh, stay here I'll get you one of your pain pills."

I returned quickly with the meds, reading the label for the first time as she swallowed, "It says here that you aren't supposed to drink any alcohol while taking this."

"Damn," she said. "And I was hoping you would get me drunk and take advantage of me."

I stood there staring at her in shock and unsure of how to respond. That was a deliberate offer. Was it not? I decided to test the waters, "Yeah, sorry about that. I guess we'll have to save that for another night."

She giggled in response, but didn't comment further.

"Let's get you into the bed" I said, "I'll stay in here and watch TV with you until you fall asleep."

I tucked her into her side of the bed and lay down on the other side. We watched some late night talk shows and one infomercial. I found myself watching her; I was mesmerized, just her simple breathing seemed to captivate me. Eventually her breathing slowed and she scooted her body a little closer to mine.

Lying there next to her and not being able to hold her the way I wanted was torture. I didn't make myself do it any longer than I had to, "Bella, I'm going to go sleep in the other room. If you need anything, anything at all don't hesitate to call for me, okay?"

"Okay," she said sleepily.

As I stood up I wanted to lean down and kiss her gently on the forehead but I restrained and walked towards the door. I looked back at her, "I'm going to leave the door open so if you need me I will hear you, alright?"

"Alright," I could tell that the sleep would find her quickly. Without another word I flicked the light off and walked down the hall.

A hot shower proved to be just what I needed to relax me.

I towel dried my hair and changed into a pair of drawstring sleep pants before crawling into the bed. I never thought in a million years that I would be sleeping in this bed again. I lay there for several minutes, my body was exhausted but I couldn't seem to turn my brain off.

As I rolled over I breathed deeply through my nose.

_What the fuck?_

The bed smelled of Bella's shampoo, she had never slept in this bed in her life.

_Why would it smell like her?_

I inhaled again taking in her scent. My heart thumped a little heavier, her smell had always been something I loved. I could never describe it; it just smelled clean like soap, like Bella.

The scent was strong enough to make me believe that at some point she had in fact slept in this bed. Then it dawned on me. It was likely that she slept in this room while the new room was being completed. It didn't really matter why she had slept in the bed, her scent relaxed me and I finally slept.

_What seemed like moments later I woke up to the sight of a dark shadow sauntering towards me from the door way. "Bella?" I questioned. _

"_Edward," the voice was raspy and seductive, it sure sounded like her. As the shadow moved closer my eyes adjusted and I could see a very naked Bella crawling up the bed. "I want you." She said._

_Holy shit. My brain quickly organized the situation, it was a dream. _

_Bella was crawling up my body on her knees, I looked down long enough to find that I too was naked. Yup, definitely a dream. First of all I hadn't gone to bed naked, and second of all Bella would not be crawling on her knees. Still, I sure as hell wasn't going to try and wake myself up. _

_Her full lips closed themselves around my cock and she started a slow agonizing rhythm. I watched as I slipped easily, in and out of her mouth. Her fingernails delicately brushed my thighs then on up to my abs. "Oh fuck!" I gasped, the familiar feeling of her warm mouth wrapped around my cock almost too much to take. I had missed it so much. _

_She released me from her mouth and I watched as she licked her way from the apex of my hips all the way up landing on my nipple where she bit gently. An appreciative groan erupted from my chest at the sensation. _

"_You have me Bella." I answered her plea from a moment ago as I reached down for her, "Come here," I grabbed her arms and pulled her body up so she rested flush against my chest. _

_I had to kiss her, taste her and feel her perfect pink tongue against mine. I took her face in both of my hands, and pulled her to my mouth. _

"_Kiss me Bella," I whispered. _

_I lost control when our lips finally met. I let my tongue slip out, silently asking her to grant me entrance. She did. The kiss was starved, and lustful. I could feel it, the moisture and the heat of it, and her lips felt just as soft and full as they always had. _

_But there was something missing, "I can't taste you Bella, let me taste you." I pleaded as I continued to kiss her searching for the familiar flavor._

"_You can taste me; you're just not trying hard enough." _

_What the fuck did that mean? Uggh, I had forgotten that it was a dream. It felt real but there were pieces missing, letting me know that it wasn't. _

_It didn't matter, I would settle for this. I could deal without tasting her; Bella's delicate scent surrounded me, I could feel her skin and the way it responded to me. This was definitely enough. For now. _

_I let my hands roam her beautiful body. While teasing and pulling at her lips with my teeth, "Take me Edward." She whispered._

_I grabbed hold of her rolling us over and seating myself between her legs. I let my hand wander down the side of her body until it reached her knee. I lifted it up with my hand letting it rest on my hip then repeated the action with the other. I continued to kiss her, and moved down letting one of her plump nipples slide between my lips. I sucked hard like I couldn't get enough, as I impaled my cock into her wetness. "Fuck baby!" I groaned. She was just as tight as ever. I had to still myself and adjust. _

"_Fuck me Edward!" _

"_Give me a minute Bella," I begged. Kissing her feverishly, trying to satisfy her for a moment while I got used to her again. My efforts weren't good enough; she pulled at my hips with her legs and used her own hips to force me deeper. "Auugh!" I couldn't take it anymore; I pulled out and slammed back in. I could feel it as I hit that spot deep inside of her, "There, is that what you want?" _

"_Yes, God yes!" She hollered. "More, Edward, do it again!" I did as she asked, thrusting hard and deep. _

_I pounded in and out over and over, "Do you like that? Have you missed me being inside you?" I asked breathlessly. _

"_Fuck yes," suddenly she pushed herself up forcing me up off of her in the process. I sat on my knees as her arms wrapped themselves around my neck. I was still buried inside of her, as she worked her hips. Her legs wrapped all the way around my backside. My thrusts met each and every swirl of her, creating a delicious rhythm. Our bodies moved together effortlessly, and a thin layer of moisture started to build up between us from the heat of the moment._

"_Oh shit Bella," I took a deep breath and my balls began to ache with my impending orgasm. I was starting to feel the burn, "Baby, come for me…please Bella… I can't." _

"_I'll go when you do baby, don't hold back." She licked and bit at my neck, ear, and collar bone, while letting murmurs of my name fall from her lips. I could actually feel her warm breath in my ear as she spoke, "Edward," I felt her body start to shutter, she was close. Her breaths were coming in short spurts and her voice was strained. _

"_What baby? Tell me what you need?" I kissed her, face, eyes, cheeks, mouth, and neck. "All you have to do is say it and I'll do it." I wasn't just asking her about the moment we were in. I wanted to know what I needed to do to get her back. What I needed to do to help get the Bella back that I once knew. _

_For the first time in months I imagined what it would feel like to have her like this every night. I wanted to hold her in our bed, and feel her soft curves molded against me. I wanted to feel her warmth wrapped around me every single day. I wanted my name to be the one she screamed as she came. _

_I didn't know where the thoughts were coming from. But this was just a dream; I could analyze its meaning later. _

"_I want, you Edward." That was the second time she had said that since she walked into the room. Though this time was different than the last, her voice was needy not seductive. The tone in her voice told me she wasn't just saying she wanted my body. _

_Even as I thrust I could feel my brain and my heart pulling in two different directions. My heart started wishing that I would never wake up, that this would become my reality. My brain on the other hand, was the voice of reason, screaming for me to wake up._

_I poured my heart out as I thrust, "Bella, you have me baby. You always have, I love you so much Bella, so much." I held her face and kissed her deeply, there was nothing tender about it. The kiss was passionate and I was desperate to hang on to the illusion for as long as I could. _

_I felt her walls start to clench around me, "Come on Bella," I said breathlessly as I thrust, "I know you're close, come for me baby."  
_

"_I'm close," she barely got the words out. "Fuck! I'm coming Edward."_

_I let go deep inside of her, "Oh God Bella!" I wrapped my arms around her waist and held her as close to me as I possibly could. _

_I laid her down on the bed and collapsed on top of her. Bella's fingers ran through my moistened hair, and I felt her kiss the top of my head. "I love you Edward." She whispered. _

_I moved my mouth back to hers, kissing her trying to tell her how I felt, and trying to force it to stay. The edges were already becoming fuzzy, I could feel it slipping. I let my hands explore her body, re-familiarizing myself with every curve, searing the moment into my memory._

"_Bella, stay," I begged, "don't go baby." _

**~*~*~*~*~*~**

"Edward!" _What the hell?_

I felt myself start to stir, "Edward!"

I woke up against my will to find the bed empty. I was breathless and in a cold sweat, not to mention my painful erection. I heard it again. "Edward!"

It was Bella, she was calling for me, I would have to over analyze the dream later. I stumbled out of bed and ran to her.

I made it to our room, "Bella, what is it baby?" _Baby oops_, "Are you okay?" She was sitting up in the bed, and had turned the lamp on.

"Edward, calm down, I thought I heard you. I wanted to make sure _you _were okay."

Oh shit, she'd heard me. There is no telling what she heard. Did she know I had been having a dream about her?

"I… I," I couldn't form an excuse quick enough. I watched her eyes move down my body, my lips, pecks, abs, the drawstring of my pants, and finally my erection. I didn't dare look down at it, but I could feel it, throbbing and painful, straining against the fabric of my pants.

Of course the sight of _her_ wasn't helping my situation any.

_How the hell am I going to explain this?_

I watched her face and she simply sat back, I silently thanked her over and over for not meeting my eyes. I managed to speak when she reached for her glass of water that was sitting on the night stand, "I had a bad dream." I said. It wasn't entirely untrue, it _was_ a dream it just wasn't necessarily bad.

She choked a little on her water, "Umm, it doesn't look like it was a bad dream." Her eyes moved quickly down to my erection, then back up to my eyes. She was taunting me; she sat back with an overconfident smile on her face, "Just what were you dreaming about in there?"

What the hell was I supposed to say? "_Umm, I was dreaming that I was fucking you senseless."_ Or perhaps … "_Oh I dreamt that you came into the guest bedroom naked and seduced me by sucking on my-"_

"Edward?" She questioned again, that beautiful smile still gracing her lips.

I had no choice but to smile back. "Don't worry about it Bella."

_What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you flirting with her? Again? This is just sick Edward!_

My brain was torn.

_She was flirting first!_

_What are you sixteen? _

We stared at each other for what seemed like several minutes. "Bella, you need your rest, try to go back to sleep."

"Seriously, are you okay?" She finally asked.

"I'm fine," I leaned down and kissed her on the forehead, "go back to sleep, we have a big day tomorrow. I am going to see if we can't get that physical therapy started."

"Oh great," she gave me a sarcastic thumbs up, "can't wait for that."

* * *

**Thanks for reading!**

**I wonder how long Edward will be able to go without _actually_**** making a move? HeeHee. ;)**

**Remember: Reviews = Lemons**


	6. Chapter 6

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight…**

* * *

To say I had a hard time falling back to sleep was the understatement of the century. There was only one way to get my erection to go away. I handled it myself, in the bathroom, quietly.

I set my alarm for six a.m. and finally fell asleep.

**~*~*~*~*~*~**

That damn alarm on my phone went off way too early. I laid there for several minutes trying to remember every detail of my dream. The way she smelled, the way she felt wrapped around me again. It was obvious to me that I wasn't just in love with her, I wanted her back. I wasn't ready for it to be over.

_It would be so easy._

Easy to win her over, now that she literally had no clue what had gone on between us. I thought back to the way she had flirtatiously tugged at my hair the day before, and how she had been so interested in finding out who _we_ were as a couple.

Bella seemed different now. Less stressed out, she wasn't running around like a lunatic. She was still determined the way she'd been when we met, which I loved. However, I reminded myself that work was no longer the most important thing to her, because she didn't remember it. Once she remembered, who knew how she would behave.

_Will she go back to her old ways?_

The thought sickened me, and was enough to make me focus on other things.

I laid there for a few more minutes going over the things that needed to be done.

I needed to call my office and ask for a leave of absence. I knew now that a few days off wasn't going to cut it. I would take off as long as she needed me.

I needed to contact Jacob Black, Bella's physical therapist and make her an appointment.

And last but not least, I needed to get in touch with my parents.

While I was standing in the bathroom brushing my teeth, I heard Bella. "Edward!"

"Just a minute!" I hollered with a mouth full of toothpaste.

She wasn't in the bedroom, "Bella?" I questioned.

"I'm in here Edward!"

I followed the sound of her voice to the other end of the hall. She was in her office, "Bella, what are you doing in here? How long have you been up, and why didn't you let me help you?"

"I have been up for about an hour, I didn't wake you because I figured after your little dream last night you might need some sleep." She looked at me from feet to eyes, with a smirk on her face.

_Shit, she knew._

I rolled my eyes, "Oh, well you still should have woken me."

I noticed that she had her computer turned on, "Bella, how did you log on to your computer? You don't know the code."

"The code is 022605, when I sat down and it prompted me for it I just knew. What is it, I mean do those numbers mean anything or are they just numbers?"

I stood there stunned. How had she remembered the numbers, but not their meaning? It didn't make sense to me, "That's our wedding date Bella."

"Oh, sorry." She looked a little embarrassed at not being able to recall such an important date.

"Don't be, it's not your fault." I felt the need to encourage her, "Hey, at least you remembered something, that's good news." I said excitedly.

"Yeah, I guess it is," she smiled. "So I have physical therapy today?" She asked, changing the subject.

"Well, I don't know yet, I have to call and see what he has available. Also, I feel like I should tell you that my parents have been on a cruise in the Bahamas for the last ten days, they are getting back today. When they find out about this they are going to want to come by and see you."

"Oh, okay." She said, "Do they know we are supposed to be getting a divorce?"

There she went bringing up the divorce again, "Of course they know, and my parents are not happy about it, they adore you."

"They do?"

"Sure they do Bella. Why wouldn't they, what's not to love?"

"I don't know," she said. "Why don't you tell me?"

"Bella," I sighed heavily, "me not loving _you_ was never the problem." _Oh shit! Did I just say that?_

"So what you're saying is that _I_ didn't love you?" She asked the curiosity evident in her voice.

The air, on my side of the room at least, grew thick with tension. I laughed in an effort to clear it, "Bella, it is way too early in the morning to have this conversation."

She stood up, and grabbed her crutches, "Damn you're stubborn." She scoffed as she turned and headed for the kitchen.

"I'm stubborn? Look at you," I said as I followed her.

She turned to face me once she made it to the kitchen, "Look at me? I'm not the one avoiding a subject."

She was right, I was avoiding it. I just didn't see the point, she wasn't _really_ here to defend herself, or offer a valid point of view.

"Bella…" I was getting ready to say that very thing when she cut me off.

"Coffee?" She asked, as she made her way to the pantry finding it with ease.

"Bella, how did you know where the coffee was?"

"Oh, I don't know, some things just seem to come to me. But it's encouraging to know that it seems to be coming back."

I got up and took the coffee from her, "Here, why don't you let me do that?"

"Ugh," I'd made her angry. She snatched it back, "_You_ go sit down, I can do this myself. Jesus Edward, I'm not totally handicapped."

I held my hands up in surrender, and hid my smile, "Okay, God I'm sorry." I hopped up on the counter, and watched as she struggled to move around on crutches and make us coffee.

She stumbled a few times but caught herself. I reached out to try and catch her from where I sat but stayed put. I was willing to let her handle things herself until she asked for my help. I could tell by the look on her face that she was losing patience with the situation.

She got about a foot from where I sat holding the coffee creamer; along with both crutches and nearly dropped the creamer. I caught it and set it on the counter. She sighed in frustration, I pulled on her shoulders, "Come here," I said as I pulled for her to stand between my legs. I tilted her chin with my fingers to find a few tears in her eyes. "You don't always have to do everything by yourself Bella. It's okay to need some help from time to time."

"This is really frustrating," she said as I brushed a few stray hairs from her eyes. "I don't mean to complain, I just want to get better, I want things to feel normal."

She buried her head in my chest and I ran my fingers through her hair trying to comfort her, I had to say something to help, "Bella, do you want to know what I loved most about you?"

"What?" She tiled her head to meet my eyes.

"You have always been one of the most stubborn women I have ever met. You were,_ are_ so determined and strong willed. If you ever wanted something, it didn't matter what it was, you would work until you achieved it."

She laid her head back on my chest, "You loved that about me?" She asked, pressing for more, as usual.

"Well, if I'm being honest, it is still something I love about you." I could feel myself slowly revealing pieces of our past. I didn't mind so much as long as it was the good stuff.

She met my eyes again, "It is?"

"Yes, you'll get through this. Just try to cut yourself some slack; it doesn't have to happen overnight."

She stood there on her crutches, with her hands resting on my knees, as my own absentmindedly ran through her hair. This was dangerous territory, I could feel the heat radiating between us. Her delicate hand came up to cup my jaw, and I leaned into her touch, "I can see why I fell in love with you. You're a good man."

Her words made my heart jump. My hand went under her hair and rested on the back of her neck, "Bella," I whispered in an attempt to stop it. Our faces drifted closer and closer, until I could feel her breath on my face. Apparently she had brushed her teeth this morning too. I watched her eyes fall shut.

It felt like every nerve ending in my body was on fire. The craving and need to taste was her almost too much to bear. My heart raced and my body started to react, I could feel blood rushing to _other_ parts as well. This wouldn't be like last night's dream, she was a mere breath away now, it was real. All I had to do was lean forward.

_Stoppp!_

My brain was throwing up red flags in warning all over the place. Telling me it wasn't right, that I was taking advantage of the situation, taking advantage of her.

I pulled back and her face lurched forward, "I'm sorry Bella, I shouldn't have done that." I apologized frantically. "It's not fair of me to…"

Her fingers came to my lips to hush me, "Jesus, Edward don't freak out. Nothing happened." She patted my chest a couple of times before steadying herself on her crutches and headed over to the coffee maker.

"Can you bring me the creamer?" She asked.

I sat there shocked at the way she had simply blown it off like it was nothing. One of two things was happening, either it really wasn't a big deal, or she was just as shaken by it as I was, and doing a damn good job of hiding it.

"Edward," she got my attention, "the creamer?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry," I hopped down. "Here you go." I handed it to her, the heat from the moment we had all but gone.

She poured two cups, "One teaspoon of creamer and a splenda, right?" She asked.

I smiled, "Hey, you remembered. That's great." It was ridiculous that I got excited over her remembering how I took in my coffee. "So wait a minute, how do you remember how I drink my coffee but not me?"

"I'm not really sure; I can just see myself standing in this spot pouring two cups. I drink mine that way and I can see myself doing the second cup the same. I just assumed the other cup was yours."

"Well I guess that makes sense, you got us coffee nearly every morning."

**~*~*~*~*~*~**

Bella wanted to re-wash her hair saying it wouldn't look right if she didn't. I helped her get into the shower, again and averted my eyes as much as I could.

"Bella, I'm going to go shower in the other bathroom, if you think you can handle this yourself."

"I'm fine Edward, go on." She said.

I showered quickly; I needed another one after my dream last night. I threw on a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt and straightened up the guest bedroom.

When I got back to Bella she was already out, sitting in her makeup chair in her silk bathrobe. Her hair was damp and down around her shoulders.

I stood in the doorway watching her, the scene before me so familiar I could hardly stand it. Everything about it seemed to tug at me, the way the bathroom still had steam in it from her shower. How it smelled like a mixture of her soap and shampoo. I was suppressing the urge to go up behind her and brush her hair of her neck so I could scatter kisses.

I hadn't realized I was moving until she spoke, "Hey," she said. "That was fast."

I was standing right behind her; I put my hands in my pockets to keep them from reaching out. "Yeah, you usually take longer to get ready than I do."

"Well, I'm fine if you want to go call your parents, and call my physical therapist."

"Oh, okay, just let me know if you need help with anything."

I left her to finish up, and went to the kitchen to get started on my list of things to do.

I pulled my laptop out and let it boot up while I called Jacob.

He seemed nice enough; I introduced myself and told him about our situation.

"Wow, that's quite a story," he chuckled slightly when I finally finished. I didn't tell him about the divorce but I told him everything else. "Unfortunately I don't have anything available today. I will have to work her in to my schedule. She really should be coming three days a week, but we can do two if you will do exercises with her at home."

"That will probably make her happy. Bella isn't looking forward to the therapy."

He laughed, "Well most people don't, but it is necessary. I can set her up for Tuesdays and Thursdays at ten a.m. . Will that work for you?" He asked.

"Sounds good to me."

"Great, well did you have any questions?"

"Actually yes, how much is she supposed to be moving? She is really stubborn and insists on doing a lot by herself."

"Well if she feels up to moving around I'm all for it." He said. "She isn't going to hurt herself by bending her knee, it may be painful but working the muscle is a good thing. Is she wearing her brace?"

"She is, I don't think she likes it much, but she is wearing it."

"Okay, well encourage her to keep wearing it. The only times she can take it off are when she is in the shower or sitting still. If she is sleeping or moving around on her crutches she needs to wear it."

"Alright, I will let her know."

Peter, my boss was the next phone call. Peter was a dream boss; he and his wife had been devastated to find that Bella and I were getting a divorce. I explained the entire thing, again. He was shocked to say the least. His understanding and offering of help, food, and even money that we didn't need was greatly appreciated.

Finally, the call I had been dreading. My parents.

My phone rang before I had the chance to call them. I looked down at the screen, it was my mother.

"Hey Mom," I said. "How was your trip?"

"Hi honey, I just got off the phone with Emmett."

"You did?" I wondered if he had filled them in on the situation.

"Why didn't you call us? We would have found a way to come home early."

He had told her, I was grateful, telling the story over and over was exhausting.

"I'm sorry I didn't call you. There was nothing you could have done anyway."

"Well, I guess there's no point in getting mad over it now." She said calmly. "When can we come see her?"

"Well we don't have physical therapy today so I was thinking that maybe we could have dinner over here tonight. But I haven't checked with Bella, so let me talk to her. I just don't want her to be too overwhelmed."

"Okay just let me know, I can pick up some Chinese takeout so you don't have to cook. Emmett told me they haven't seen her either, they'll want to come too."

I agreed hesitantly. My brother had told me to be careful. I hadn't been sure what he was talking about but now that I was home with her I knew exactly what he meant. And what had I done? I'd come dangerously close to kissing her, and had been flirting uncontrollably, completely ignoring his warning.

I spoke with my mother for a few more minutes, telling her that the divorce had been put on hold for the time being. She seemed really happy to hear that. I can't be sure but I think part of her might have even been glad that this happened to us.

"Well this will definitely force you guys to spend some time together, that's for sure." She said just before we ended the call.

"Okay Mom, well I'm going to go check on Bella. I will let you know about dinner tonight."

"Alright, well give Bella my love. We will see you soon."

I ended the call and looked up to find Bella standing in the door way to the kitchen in a pair of shorts and a tank top. You could see the small incisions being covered by little strips, her knee was bruised and she wasn't wearing her brace.

"Umm, what do you think you're doing?" I asked as I stood up.

"What?" Her eyebrows furrowed in question.

"I talked to Jacob; he said you need to be wearing your brace unless you are sitting still or in the shower."

She rolled her eyes, "I am not wearing that thing, it makes it worse."

I ran to the bedroom, returning with the brace, "Yes you _are_ wearing it," I said sternly. "Now sit down so I can help you put it back on."

She started backing up on her crutches. For someone who had never had to use them, she sure seemed to be handy with them. "Belllaaa," I warned and even I could hear the flirty tone in my voice.

"Edwarrrdd," she mocked me in the same tone, as she lifted one sexy eyebrow.

"Bella, just sit down, it's not like you can run from me." I said as I started moving toward her. She didn't realize it but she was backing herself into the couch. I moved a few more feet forcing her to the back of the couch, her breath hitched when I trapped her up against it, "Caught ya," I said with my face just inches from hers. "Now be still." I whispered into her ear. I watched as a trail of goosebumps spread over her neck. I knew her well enough to know that her nipples were hard by now too.

I knelt down, with a cocky grin on my face because of her reaction, and got the brace ready for her knee. "You know," she began, "there isn't much I can do about this because I am somewhat immobile, but as soon as I have my mobility back, you're going to get it."

About six thousand dirty thoughts raced through my brain. I looked up at her from where I sat, "I'm looking forward to it." I teased, as I put the last piece of Velcro into place.

I couldn't touch her, or kiss her but there were no rules about flirting. Were there? I went ahead and gave myself permission to flirt, since I couldn't seem to help myself.

"Looking forward to it? What's to look forward to? You obviously think I'm kidding, I'm not. I'm going to kick your ass." She sighed with phony annoyance, as she made her way around so she could sit down.

"I'll say it again," I leaned down and hovered over her. "I'm looking forward to it."

"So when do I start the therapy?" She asked.

"Tomorrow at ten a.m., then again on Thursday at the same time, Jacob wants us to do exercises at home on the days that you don't come in."

"What kind of exercises?"

"I'm not sure; I think he is going to show us. But it's not an option, either we do the exercises at home or you will have to go three days a week instead of two."

**~*~*~*~*~*~**

She agreed to have my parents and Rose and Emmett over for dinner. She didn't seem as worried about it as I was.

I sent a text to my mother letting her know that we were a go for dinner at 6:30.

"Well," she began, "it is only 9:00 and we have the rest of the day. What do you want to do?"

_I can think of lots of things to do._ I wanted to say it but didn't, that comment would cross over the flirting line into something else entirely.

"I think you should rest," I said as I pulled out my phone to send Alice a text. They still needed to go get Bella's car. "By the time the Cullen clan leaves you are going to be exhausted."

I sat down on the other side of the sofa, "Here, lay down and put your feet in my lap, I'll give you a foot rub."

I turned on the TV and found a movie for us to watch while she situated herself. I pretended to watch the movie but found myself distracted by the fact that her feet were in my lap. I rubbed both feet, paying close attention to her toes and the ball of her heel.

I remembered the way her eyes had fluttered shut in the kitchen when I was holding her. How her face had lurched forward like she was expecting me to kiss her. Then the way her body had reacted to mine when I had her pressed up against the sofa, and the way she'd teased me by telling me I was going to get it.

I wanted her. The question was…did she want me too?

_She wants you too. She would have kissed you back earlier if you had gone through with it._

My vibrating cell phone interrupted my internal conversation.

It was Alice, texting me back from earlier.

_We'll be there in a few minutes to get her keys._

I responded quickly.

_That's fine._

Bella stirred slightly, "Who is it?" She asked.

"Alice, they are coming to get your keys. You left your car downtown the other day they are going to go get it and bring it back to the house."

"Oh," she said before closing her eyes again.

I continued to rub and watched her fall asleep.

I had to come up with a plan. Something to keep me focused on what was best for Bella. I would keep my distance, touch her only when necessary. I would make no more declarations of love, telling her that I still loved her determination had been a mistake. I wouldn't tell her anything else about our past. If she brought it up again, I would tell her why it made me uncomfortable to talk about it.

I had nearly fallen asleep myself when the doorbell rang. I got up slowly, trying not to disturb Bella and opened the door for Alice and Jasper. "How is she doing?" Alice asked.

"She's fine; she just fell asleep on the couch."

"Can I see her?" She asked.

"Sure, just don't wake her. She needs to rest."

Jasper followed me to the kitchen where I found the second set of Bella's car keys. "Here," I handed them to him, "I really appreciate this."

"It's no problem, we're happy to help."

He grabbed something to drink from the fridge and took a long swig, "So how's it been? Being back in the house, and being so close to her again?"

I felt a grin start to grow, "It's been good, and she's still as stubborn as ever." I laughed nervously trying to act like the reason I was smiling was because she had been stubborn.

Jasper could see through it, "You still want her don't you?"

"What? No, it's not like that."

"Edward, don't pull that shit with me. Are you sleeping with her?"

I was appalled, "Lord no. I won't do that. It wouldn't be fair to her."

"Ahh? So you admit that you still want her?"

I looked away and smiled, "I can't help it Jasper, the woman she is now is so close to the woman I fell in love with." I took a deep breath and finally found the guts to look him in the eye. I found a smile along with sympathy there.

"So you want her, but does she want you?" He asked.

"I'm not sure, I think she does." Now that I thought about it I actually wasn't sure, she seemed curious, at the very least. "I am keeping as much distance as possible."

"Well, I think keeping your distance is good. I know that Alice may not agree with me, but you are the one who stands to get hurt here, not Bella."

"Why do you say that?" I asked, I already knew the answer but I wanted to hear it from someone else. Maybe it would help remind me.

"I can see where she could fall for you again. This is all new to her, you are new, the house, her writing, all of it is new. But all of 'it' is eventually going to come back. What's it going to be like for you if she doesn't feel the same when that happens?"

I shook my head; I didn't have the answer, "I don't know, that question is what has me on guard. But Bella isn't making it easy, she has tons of questions. She wants to know all about us, how we met, and she wants details."

"Details?" He questioned.

"Yes, details about the divorce and what happened between us. She asked me how we met and she wanted details about our first time."

"Oh God," he laughed. "When you say first time, you mean the _first_ _time_?"

"Yeah," I laughed with him, "I didn't give her any details."

"It's a good thing; that could have turned into porno story telling."

Alice walked in, "What could turn into porno story telling?" She glanced back and forth between us waiting for an answer.

"Bella wants details about their past relationship." Jasper said.

Alice laughed, "Well, I'm sure she does. I would be curious too. Wouldn't you?" She looked at me.

"I guess so, but I didn't give her any details, it will come back to her eventually."

"I think you're smart to keep it to yourself, it would be easy for you to take advantage of the situation because of her mental state right now."

"Save it Alice, he's already thought about that." Jasper stood up for me, "Edward isn't going to do anything like that."

We spoke for a few more minutes before I heard Bella, "Edward!" She hollered.

"Coming baby," I cringed because I'd called her baby in front of Alice and Jasper.

"Baby?" Alice asked.

"Sorry, old habit I guess," I apologized.

Alice rolled her eyes, it didn't really matter, Jasper would tell her about me wanting Bella once they left anyway.

We found Bella sitting up on the couch, "Hey Alice," Bella said. "You should have woken me when you got here."

"Oh, don't worry about it, you need your rest."

I grabbed her crutches from behind the couch, "Are you looking for these?" I asked.

"Yes," she said, taking them from me. "I was about to get up and hop on one leg to find them."

"Don't do that," I said. "I'll make sure they're within your reach from now on."

We stood there talking for a few minutes. When I told them my family was coming over for dinner later Alice spoke up, "Hey I have a great idea! What if we all go to dinner one night next week? All six of us, if you're up to it Bella?"

"All six of us?" Bella asked.

"Yeah, Jasper and I, Emmett and Rose, and you and Edward. We used to do that all the time; it might be fun to go out again."

Bella looked at me like she was waiting for me to answer, "Why are you looking at me?" I asked, "I don't care, we can if you want to." It did sound like fun; it would be like old times, well almost.

"Sure sounds like fun, it will be good to get out of the house for a while. I'm about to go nuts."

We were headed to the front door to say goodbye, "Bella, you forget, you are going to be out of the house tomorrow morning for your physical therapy." I said.

"Edward," she scolded, "you know what I mean, I want to do something fun that doesn't involve pain."

**~*~*~*~*~*~**

I spent the rest of the day watching TV with Bella and answering questions about my family. I felt like I had to tell her as much as I could where they were concerned. I didn't want it to be any more awkward for Bella than it had to be. She asked about my parents, how long they had been married, how they met, things of that nature. Bella did the same with Emmett and Rose, and I told her about Sam our three year old nephew. I did a great job, if I do say so myself of sticking to my plan. She fell to sleep a couple of times, but woke in time to get ready for dinner.

My parents along with Emmett and Rosalie arrived promptly at 6:30. Bella insisted on answering the door with me, "Hey, guys come on in." I said.

They filed in, noisily as usual. Bella went right up to my mother and hugged her, "Bella," my mother teared up, "I'm so glad you're okay honey. When Emmett told me about the accident I could have killed Edward for not contacting us."

"Don't worry about it, I'm fine, a little trouble with my memory but other than that I'm just fine." Bella was handling the situation beautifully. Like reuniting with old friends, it did my parents good to see us together and in good spirits again.

We all moved to the kitchen where my mother spread out food for everyone. Sam was in rare form, and couldn't seem to get enough of Bella. He was curious about her crutches, and about the brace on her knee. Emmett did his best to keep him away but Bella wouldn't have it, "Emmett, he's fine really, he's not bothering me."

"Bella you don't understand, he can change his mood in a split second and go all kung fu on your ass." We all laughed because everyone with the exception of Bella knew it was the truth.

I let Bella do all the talking; she seemed totally at ease with everyone.

After dinner my dad announced that he had brought Emmett and I some Cuban cigars back from the Bahamas. "Edward, did you want to smoke one?" Emmett asked.

I looked at Bella, "Are you okay in here?" I asked, not wanting to leave her alone if she was uncomfortable. She waved me off and continued the conversation she was having with my mom and Rosalie about the cruise.

I smiled, "Dad, you coming?" I asked.

"No, I think I'll stay inside. The smell of those things gives me a headache."

I followed Emmett out onto the back patio. I knew he really wanted to get me alone to talk to me about Bella. Once our cigars were lit he started the interrogation, "So are you being careful like I told you?"

"Well that depends on what you mean by being careful."

"Oh God, I knew it. You're sleeping with her aren't you?"

"Are you kidding me?" I shook my head, "Jasper thought the same thing. Tell me, how exactly would Bella and I be sleeping together? She can barely move her left leg."

"Oh well I guess I didn't think about that." He paused long enough to take a puff off of his cigar, "So if you aren't sleeping together, then what did you mean by, 'Well it depends on what you mean by being careful.'?"

I debated for a moment on whether or not to tell Emmett about my feelings for Bella. He was my brother, if anyone could help me stay on track it was him. "I had a dream about her last night." I said.

"What kind of dream?" He asked curiously.

I just looked at him and blew the smoke that I had in my mouth out with a grin on my face. He started laughing, "Oh, _that_ kind of dream."

"Yeah," I said. "What do you think it means?"

"Well Bella is still as hot as she ever was, so it's not all that surprising. You just need to keep your distance," he paused staring at me for a moment, studying my face like he was reading an open book. "Edward, you said you aren't having sex but are you doing anything _else_?"

_Fuck._

"I haven't touched her like that, but I almost," I paused trying to stall it, "I almost kissed her this morning."

"Christ Edward, this is exactly what I was talking about. Fuck, I knew this was going to happen."

I got irritated, "So what if it does happen, she's still my wife." I said defensively.

"Look," he started, "it's not my place to tell you how to live or what to do. But have you thought about how badly both of you could get hurt if something does happen?"

"I have thought about it, that's why I've decided to just do my job."

"Which is?"

"Take care of her until she's well, and then try to see what can be done to save us."

"So you want her back?"

I hesitated but finally answered, "Yes, I want to try to work it out. If she's willing to work on it after this is all over then I will be willing to try again."

"And if she's not willing?"

"I don't know, I hadn't gotten that far. To be honest that is the main reason I am trying to keep a distance. I don't want her to "wake up" from all of this and resent me for taking advantage of the situation."

About that time Rose walked out, "Umm Edward, I hate to interrupt but Bella has had a few glasses of wine and I think she's drunk."

"What?" I asked frantically, "She's not supposed to be drinking on those pain meds." I said as I made my way into the kitchen. I got a little irritated, Bella knew better than to drink on those pills.

I heard Rosalie behind me, "Well I guess that explains why two glasses did it, I know she can handle her wine better than that."

I found Bella sitting at the kitchen table with my mother, "Edward," she cooed as she reached for me.

Her beautiful smile and the fact that she was reaching for me made my irritation melt away, I grabbed her hands, "Hey Bells, did you have a little bit to drink?"

"Yup, I feel really good." She slurred.

"Well I guess so," I said as she continued to pull at me.

I glanced at my mother who was smiling from ear to ear. Knowing her she'd probably gotten Bella drunk on purpose. Rose grabbed Sam off the sofa where he had fallen asleep, as my mother cleaned up the kitchen from dinner, "Well, you should probably get her to bed." My mom said.

"Probably so," I helped Bella up and handed her the crutches. She wasn't stable enough to walk with them. "Bella just sit down, I will come back and get you once everyone leaves."

"No Edward, I'm fine I can do it." She slapped me on the arm.

I let her walk on her own, but kept my hands on her hips to steady her as we showed everyone to the door. Rosalie hugged Bella, "Call me when you guys want to go to dinner. Emmett and I would love to go out with everyone again."

"I will, it will probably be next week some time." Bella said, with a ridiculous grin on her face, no doubt a result of the wine.

I assumed that Bella had told Rosalie about the six of us possibly going out again.

Before the door closed, Emmett leaned in whispering in my ear, "Way to keep a safe distance Edward," he said as he looked down at my hands resting on her hips.

I mouthed the words "Fuck off," while using the appropriate hand gesture to go along with my words.

When I shut the door Bella turned to face me and let her crutches fall to the floor. I caught her, as she leaned into me throwing her arms around my neck in a tight squeeze. "Take me to bed Edward."

I couldn't help but laugh, "You got it," I said as I lifted her into my arms bridal style.

Her head rested dangerously close to my neck, as I walked I could feel her breath against my ear, "You know Bella, you aren't making my job any easier."

"I'm sorry," she said in her drunken state. "Tell me what I can do to make it easier for you?" She said it in a whisper as her nose nuzzled my ear.

I loved that she was in my arms, I loved that her breath was in my ear, and that she was so close I could smell the familiar scent of her perfume. "I was just kidding," I said as I sat her down on the bed. I pulled the blankets down and helped her climb in; she could sleep in her clothes. I knew from experience that taking Bella's clothes of while she was drunk would end in her trying to get mine off as well.

"Stay in here with me tonight." She whispered as I covered her.

"Why?" I asked nervously.

"It's just that this room is so big and unfamiliar, I don't want to stay in here alone."

Bella was either telling the truth, or playing me like a fiddle. She was drunk, I could just ask her and she would be honest, "Bella does it really bother you to stay in here alone, or do you just want to sleep with me?" I was only halfway joking.

"I want to sleep with you." She said as she tugged at my wrist.

Yup, playing me like a fiddle, or at least attempting to.

I still wasn't sure what her definition of "sleep'" was in this particular case. But for tonight, I could sleep in the same bed with her and keep it under control. "Alright, hold on let me go change. I'll be right back."

I brushed my teeth and changed into a pair of drawstring sleep pants. I expected to find her passed out by the time I returned but she wasn't. I climbed into the other side, "Hi," she said.

I rolled to face her, "Hi," I said back.

She scooted closer to me, wincing a little at her movement. "Bella be careful,"

"I'm cold; I want to get closer to you."

_She's not cold._

_I know that, shut up and let me do this._

I didn't try to stop, instead I complied, "Here let me come to you." I got close and she snuggled into my side, letting her arm rest gently on my chest. "Better?" I asked.

"Yes, thank you."

_Well there goes the plan of not touching her unless necessary._

I couldn't bring myself to care about the plan. I was too focused on her and every tiny movement of her body as she tried to drift off to sleep. Her breasts would press into the side of my chest every time she took a breath.

I felt her breathing find a slow deep rhythm. This wasn't so bad, it was actually kind of nice, I could handle this. Then she moved her head, and her lips pressed themselves by accident against my neck. She mumbled in her sleep, I couldn't quite hear it the first time but then she did it again, "Edward."

This was nice in a whole new way, I wasn't sure I could handle it.

She wasn't sleeping; she was doing t this on purpose. No woman asks you to sleep in her bed with just _sleep_ on the brain.

My mind went wild with thoughts of what I could do with her in this position. One small tilt of my head and my lips would find hers. With one more movement, my knee could be resting between her thighs. And with a series of movements, thrashing, moaning, and writhing, I could be inside of her.

Fuck, I wanted her.

I wanted to kiss her, taste her, and feel her beautiful nipples between my lips. I wanted to hear her sounds, the way she would curse when she got close to orgasm, and hear her scream my name as she came.

My thoughts were making me painfully hard.

"Bella," I finally whispered. I wasn't sure what I was planning to say.

"What?" She whispered back.

She was awake. Now what?

_She purposefully pressed her lips to your neck. That wasn't a simple sleeping accident. _

"Are you awake?" I asked, instantly wanting to slap myself in the face for asking a question I already knew the answer to.

"If I answered you, then I am obviously awake." She lifted her head and leaned on her palm to look at me. "What is it?"

"Nothing," I whispered, "I just wanted to see if you had fallen asleep."

Then there in that moment, I felt the heat again not only from myself but from her as well. It was silent in the room with the exception of our breathing. The raw instinctive need to reach out and kiss her, hold her, love her, anything, was consuming me.

Finally she brought her hand up and brushed over my lips with her fingers. "Has anyone ever told you that you have beautiful lips?" She asked.

My tongue came out to add a bit of moisture, and I grinned, "Yes actually, you used to tell me that all the time."

Her fingers brushed over them again, "I'm sure I did. I bet you're a good kisser."

_Holy Fuck! How did you get yourself into this? And more importantly… how are you going to get yourself out?_

Bella's fingers lingered on my lips and I smiled. I couldn't find a reason to ask her to move them. The simple contact wasn't helping my cock either.

I had about two million sexy rebuttals for her comment. I had to fight the urge to ask her to lean down and find out for herself.

_She wants you too. _

That revelation made my efforts to keep my hands to myself damn near impossible.

I kissed her fingers with a partial open mouth several times through my smile, letting my tongue slip out a few times to taste her skin. I stopped myself before things could move further.

"Hmm," she grinned when I stopped. "Another night perhaps," she was stating a fact, not asking a question.

She knew it and I knew it, the seductive look in her eyes said it all. _Another night._

"Perhaps," I said as she resumed her laying position with her palm resting on my chest.

It would be a long night.

* * *

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**Okay but seriously, Chapter 7 is halfway done. Our family is expecting a baby sometime next week and my husband and I just got a new puppy. To say we are crazy busy is an understatement. I am going to try my very best to get Chapter 7 out on time, next Wednesday. But, if I'm being honest, it may not happen that way.**

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	7. Chapter 7

**Much love to MaryV121 for being my unofficial beta. **

**As you can see I was able to get a chapter out this week but it is coming a day early. Next week I will be back to the normal Wednesday schedule.**

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**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight…**

* * *

I finally fell asleep after an hour of lying there, listening to her breathing. The fact that Bella wanted me too was now obvious. There was nothing I could do about my erection with her laying in my arms the way she was. I had to just wait for it to subside.

What Bella didn't know was that when I said, _"Perhaps,"_ another night. I meant waiting until things had cleared. So much would have to happen for us to work. What would I do if we actually rekindled things? Would I stay living in my own apartment? Would she still want the house? Did we need to see a marriage counselor? Okay, well I knew the answer to that last one.

I would just have to wait and see; I only hoped she was willing to discuss _us _when the time actually came.

**~*~*~*~*~*~**

"Are you nervous?" I asked as we drove to meet Jacob.

"Not really. What's to be nervous about? It's just pain, right?" She laughed.

I chuckled at her ability to attempt positive.

I helped her out and handed her the crutches so she could make the entrance on her own.

I had expected this morning to be difficult for her. What I hadn't expected was for it to be difficult for me as well.

Jacob didn't look the way I thought he would. He was about my age and was gorgeous, even to me. This fact did not go unnoticed by Bella.

He was putting some exercise equipment away when we walked in. I glanced at him, then quickly glanced at Bella who had her jaw dropped open at the sight of him.

The look on her face released primal urges that could not be helped. I leaned in close and placed my finger under her jaw, shutting her mouth for her. "Easy," I whispered in her ear so only she could hear me.

She gave my chest a light slap and laughed, getting Jacob's attention. "Oh, sorry about that," he said. "You must be Bella Swan, I'm Jake." He extended his hand to her.

She returned the gesture, "I am, it's nice to meet you Jake." She said.

His eyes hadn't moved from her, I had to clear my throat to get his attention. "Jake, I'm Edward Cullen, Bella's husband."

I knew I probably shouldn't have introduced myself as her husband, and knew that I would probably get it from Bella later for doing so. I hadn't behaved like a husband. A husband would have kissed her last night, would have joined her in the shower and helped her, and would have had no problem telling her about our past.

Yes, we were technically still married, but a piece of paper doesn't make you a husband. I was her friend at best.

I snuck a quick look at Bella, who had a nasty glare on her face.

_Yup, she's pissed._

He extended his hand to me this time, "Oh my apologies," he said. "I guess I hadn't realized that you guys were married. It's nice to meet you Edward."

"Nice to meet you too," I said as politely as possible through gritted teeth.

I had planned on leaving Bella to go run some errands, but her little jaw drop and his need to stare at her like he was undressing her with his eyes, kept me from leaving.

I would stay and chaperone the situation.

I picked up a magazine and pretended to read it. I watched them both, watched Bella wince whenever Jake did something that didn't seem to agree with her knee. I was happy to see that as soon as Jake found out we were married; he kept his focus on his job and not Bella.

I couldn't believe I had introduced myself as her husband. I knew exactly what her argument would be once we were in the car.

Jake and Bella tried to talk a little while he worked her knee. I wasn't paying attention until I heard Bella. "Yeah, we're married but we're getting a divorce."

I peeked over the top of the magazine to get a look at her face. She was staring right at me; I knew the only reason she was saying such a thing was to get back at me for marking her as my own when she wasn't mine to mark.

He chuckled a little, "Wow, that's umm," he paused, "interesting."

"Yeah it isn't final yet, and I don't remember why we're getting a divorce." She laughed out loud mocking me, "And get this… he won't tell me why either."

Jake looked at me in question, I wasn't going to explain myself to him. It wasn't any of his business. When I didn't say anything he turned back to Bella. "Why won't he tell you? I mean you have a right to know, it's your life too."

_Well that's just fucking great. He's on her side. _

"I'm not sure; he refuses to talk about it."

"Hmmm," he hummed in question.

"You know what I think?" she began. "I think he's afr,"

I cut her off, "Bella, that's enough." I stated firmly, "We can talk about it when we get in the car."

By the time Jake called me over to show me some of the home exercises, I was furious. I had sat there for an hour, thinking about how she had an uncanny ability to push my buttons without any effort what so ever.

The exercises looked simple enough for me. Bella's work of the exercises was going to be much more difficult.

"Now Bella, don't be surprised if you are more tired today than you have been these last couple of days." Jake said. "Your knee is going to be sore, so ice it for twenty minutes and then take the ice off for forty minutes to help with pain and swelling."

"Okay," she said.

"Wear your brace, don't try to walk without your crutches yet, and do the exercises that I showed you."

"I will, thanks Jake." She said.

"Alright, try to rest and I'll see you on Thursday."

We didn't speak on the way to the car; I took a deep breath and got ready for it before opening my own door and climbing in.

I shut the door and turned to look at her, she just glared right back. "So let me get this straight," she said calmly. "You are allowed to call yourself my husband when it is convenient for you, but not in day to day life when it matters?"

"Bella the reason I did that was because…"

She cut me off, and raised her voice, "I know why you did it Edward! I'm not stupid, and I _am_ a woman. Don't think I didn't notice the way he was looking at me."

Okay, now I was mad.

"So you're telling me that you didn't mind him looking at you that way?"

"Of course not! Why would I? Married or not married, it's always flattering when I man looks at you like that."

I understood her point. But the fact that we were getting a divorce, and the fact that in just a month or so _he_ could be the one kissing her goodnight made me ache.

"I think you're jealous." She said with a smirk showing that she was pleased with herself.

"I'm not jealous," I replied quickly. "I just think that," I didn't know what I thought, and I _was_ jealous.

She nudged my hand, "Come on," she taunted with a smirk. "Admit it, you're jealous."

I couldn't hide my smile, not when she looked at me like that. "Alright, maybe a little. Just do me a favor?"

"Anything," she said.

"Don't tell everyone about our personal life. I mean the fact that we are getting a divorce, and the fact that I won't tell you why, is no one else's business."

"I wouldn't have said that if you would just come out and tell me why we are getting a divorce."

I turned to face her head on, "Okay Bella, the reason I don't want to tell you why is because it's not fair to you. If I were to tell you it would be from my point of view only. Believe me; I want to talk about it in depth as soon as you remember."

She sighed heavily in frustration, "Well I guess that's fair enough, but as soon as I remember you better spill your guts on this situation."

I grabbed her hand and squeezed, "Bella, I promise as soon as the time is right I will talk to you about whatever you want, as long as _you _are willing."

"I'll be willing," she said sassily.

_You think that now._ I wanted to say, but instead tried a different tactic, "I've got one thing to say though, Jacob Black had better keep his hands and eyes to himself."

She leaned over the console to whisper in my ear, "Told you, you were jealous." Then before I could do or say anything else she licked, fucking Christ, she licked my earlobe. The sensation shot straight to my cock.

Damn, she was getting brave and testing my will power more than she could possibly know. I turned my head so that we were staring each other in the eyes. My heart beat seemed so loud that it was almost echoing in the silence of the car. "Do I make you nervous?" She asked seductively.

I leaned in, unable to resist it any longer, "Yes," I admitted. "You make me very nervous," I held her face, and tilted my forehead to rest against hers. "Bella, please we can't do this."

She backed away, "Fine," she said angrily. "Take me home Edward, I'm tired."

And just like that, the moment had passed.

All the way home we were silent, I knew she felt rejected. That's what I had done, rejected her. She didn't understand that it was for her own good. She didn't know that I had given my word to Emmett and Jasper, and that I was protecting us both.

**~*~*~*~*~*~**

Thursday couldn't come quick enough. I had obviously pissed Bella off by rejecting her on Tuesday, she had become distant. Speaking to me only when necessary and she hadn't asked me to sleep with her since Monday night. She wasn't cold when she spoke or anything, she just put all of the flirting and near sexual encounters to a stop. I hated it, but let her feel what she needed to feel. I checked on her often while she slept, watching her and hoping that she might understand when this was all over.

She continued to remember little things but nothing of any significance, and I had yet to buy her a journal. My thought was that I might be able to get her one at Barnes and Noble during her Thursday session.

That proved to be difficult; Bella was childishly laying it on thick with Jacob right in front of me, trying to prove a point.

I stayed and watched, but tried not to let it get to me. I refused to play games with her. Towards the end of the session Jacob spoke to us both, "Hey I've been meaning to ask you guys. Do you have a pool?"

I nodded, "Yeah we do. Why?"

"Well on Saturday Bella will be able to submerge her knee in water. I can show you guys some exercises, to do in the pool. They are low impact exercises and will start to work the muscle without actually putting any strain on it, if she's careful."

I looked at Bella, and smiled at her. She had the most excited look on her face at the thought of being able to get in the pool.

"I want you guys to go out and buy a noodle." He said.

"What the hell is a noodle?" I asked confused.

"You can get it any Target or Wal-Mart; it's a long Styrofoam floatation device. It will help with the exercise," he reached for a sheet of paper. "Here, this is a diagram showing all of the things that can be done to help her."

I took it from him and looked it over, "Is this something you want to try?" I asked her.

"Yeah, it sounds like it might be helpful."

"Alright, well I have to run some errands; I can pick one up for you while I'm out."

She yawned and nodded in agreement.

"Okay," Jake said. "Go home, get some rest, and do your exercises on Saturday. I will see you guys on Tuesday."

We got home just before Bella fell asleep. I didn't even have time to be angry with her for purposefully flirting with Jacob.

"I think I'll just lay down on the sofa, if it's alright with you." She said when we walked in. She seemed more tired than normal today.

"Sure, let me get you a blanket." I said as she sat down.

She was already in a laying position, when I returned with the blanket. "Thanks," she said as I covered her.

"If it's alright with you Bella, I'm going to run to the store while you're sleeping."

"It's fine Edward, don't worry about me."

I kissed her forehead and left her to nap comfortably on the sofa.

I went to Barnes and Noble first to find her a diary. I knew I wanted to write something in it, something that would blow her mind and that would forever remind her of me, even if we didn't work out. I needed to think about it, I was sure that the words would come to me when the time was right.

I ran to the bank, my office, and to Target, where I picked up a few extra groceries and a noodle like Jacob had suggested.

**~*~*~*~*~*~**

I walked in with my arms full of the things I had purchased. I put the groceries away, and seated myself at the kitchen table with her new journal. I opened it to the first page and sat quietly for a moment, waiting for the words to come to me.

I was distracted by the sound of whimpering coming from the other room. "Bella?" I questioned. When she didn't answer I went to check on her.

She wasn't in the living room where I left her, and her crutches were lying beside the sofa. She had moved, on her own without the use of her crutches. I ran, didn't walk, ran to the bedroom.

There she was, lying on the bed; her hands covered her face when she saw me standing next to the door frame. "Bella?" I questioned, as I sighed with relief that I had found her in one piece. But her demeanor concerned me, and I was drawn to be near her, and protect her from whatever emotion she was having.

Jacob had told her to move only with help, or in the pool where there would be no weight on her recovering knee. She probably just wanted to see if she could do it on her own. Obviously she had done it, but I couldn't tell if she was crying from pain or if she was in the middle of a mental break down.

The sight of her in such distress upset me, I could no longer keep the safe distance that had been kept over the past few days. My selfish need consumed me and I closed the distance in a few long hurried strides. I sat down gently, "Bella," she still didn't look up. "Why did you do that? You heard what Jacob said the other day." I let my hand reach out to one of hers that was still resting on her face. "Are you hurting, what can I do?" I asked.

She was surprised by my touch, and shuttered at the contact. "I'm not in any pain Edward, that's not it." She moved our hands away from her tear streaked face, but kept her eyes closed.

Thank God, she wasn't hurting physically, mentally however, "I can't take any more!" she cried. "It's too much; I don't know what to do." She was desperate for me to help her, I wasn't sure if I knew how.

I was thankful that she couldn't see the tears that were in my eyes, her pain was still my pain just like it was when we were actually together. Bella was the strongest person I had ever met and she was breaking, right before my eyes. I didn't know how to stop this for her, how to comfort her. "Don't give up Bella," I whispered. "You are strong and determined you can do this." I took a shaky breath, "I won't let you do it alone. I'm here." I squeezed her hand.

"Really Edward? Because honestly, I don't remember. I don't know anything about myself; I am not the person I was. I don't know how to be strong or fearless, I don't know!"

She was right about that, I felt selfish for thinking that I actually liked her better this way. But I had to pull her strength out of her; it was still in there. I stood up quickly, "You may not remember, but I do! Damn it Bella, fight! You're going to have to fight for it!"

"Fuck! I just want to be normal." She took a deep breath and continued, "I don't remember but I know this isn't right. I am 26 years old; I want to take care of myself."

She was hysterical, and my eyes got wide, with her use of the word fuck, it was the first time I had heard her curse since the accident. It both excited and scared me. I was confused, I didn't know what to do, so I did the first thing that came to mind, I sat down again and she instantly found my hand squeezing it. "Shhh." I started to lean down, pressing my lips tenderly to her forehead.

The same electricity I had felt in the beginning passed through me, I didn't know if she felt it or not. I left my burning lips where they were, I wasn't ready to let it go just yet. "It's okay; you're going to be normal again. It's just going to take work this time." I whispered. She was taking short quick breaths, I was afraid she was going to have an anxiety attack. I brushed the hair off of her forehead, "Shhh, Bella calm down, take a deep breath, it will be okay."

"I still don't think I can do it." She breathed out trying to calm herself. "This house, you, all of our friends, your family, I hate that I can't remember any of it. I feel like I am trying to live a life I know nothing about."

I lay down beside her, I was going to at least attempt to protect her and show her that she wasn't alone in this. She faced me and let her fragile body mold against mine; our faces were mere inches apart. I was having an internal battle myself, I knew this was too close but I couldn't fight it. I could feel her warm breath, and almost taste her.

"Look at me," I tilted her chin with my finger to make her meet my eyes. "Let me tell you something," I told her who she was when we first met. About her ambition, how driven and determined she had been, and how the word 'no' didn't seem to be part of her vocabulary. "You can do this, Bella. At one time, you and I," I shook my head trying not to go too far with it. "Bella, you and I worked together to achieve greatness." And how everything we did was a team effort. "It isn't any different now than it was then. You still have that same fire inside you."

"How do you know?" She was still unsure, I closed my eyes and let my nose graze against her jaw as I moved my mouth to her ear and whispered. My brain was screaming for me to stop but my heart…

"I can feel it, you radiate. You are going to have to dig for it. I won't let you dig alone, I'm here, I'll help you." I let my nose trace her delicate ear. I felt my heart rate increase and I wanted nothing more than to kiss her, taste her, and love her.

I allowed myself to lay a chaste kiss on her cheek. She didn't ask anymore questions, I lay there with her and ran my fingers through her hair until her breathing slowed and she fell asleep in my arms.

I battled with myself for fifteen minutes while I held her.

_This is a mistake it's too close, in more ways than one. Hug her and get up. She needs a friend, not a husband, not a lover, just a friend._

None of that seemed to matter. For some reason my body didn't care what she needed. I knew what I needed, her skin against my lips in some way, so I snuck a few kisses to her cheeks and forehead, painfully avoiding her lips. The memory of what they felt like pressed against mine was making my situation worse.

After several kisses everywhere but where I wanted, my brain won the battle and I decided to get up. I moved slightly and glanced at her perfect lips, I stared at them for what seemed like several minutes.

Bella had a lovely mouth, she always had. Luscious full pink lips, she rarely wore any lipstick, just clear gloss to make them shiny. The natural color of them always seemed to be enough. I let my fingers gently come up and graze over the bottom one and I my will crumbled.

I pressed mine gently to hers as she slept, letting both of mine cover her full bottom lip. I let her steady breath hit my face as I held the kiss for a moment. Desperate for more, I kissed her gently several times. I wanted to taste her; I had to force my lips to stay still on hers. I knew I would probably live to regret giving myself permission to feel her that way again. I pulled away and gently moved off of the bed, covering her before I left the room.

I closed the bedroom door and walked into the hall. I leaned up against one of the walls, and let myself slide to the carpet. My heart was racing out of control and my breathing was erratic_. _

_Get it together Cullen. What are you doing? Why would you even risk allowing history to repeat itself? _

I hadn't even thought about that fact that she may or may not have been in a deep sleep. What if she felt the kiss? I wasn't sure how much longer I would be able to go without having her again.

I was a nervous wreck; I had to get out of the house. I needed to have a drink and clear my head. I wrote her a quick note and left it on the nightstand so she would find it when she woke.

Driving seemed to help, I cleared my head. I didn't think about anything but driving and the music I was listening to. I decided I would stop by my apartment and pick up a few things while I was out.

What I hadn't expected, was to run into Tanya while I was checking my mail. "Edward?" I heard her voice from behind me.

"Tanya," I said in surprise. "What are you doing here?" I asked, briefly wondering if she was stalking me.

"Oh, I'm dating a guy who lives on the 4th floor, James. Do you know him?" She asked.

"Oh," I thought for a moment. "No, I don't think so."

"How long have you guys been dating?" I asked.

"Well, funny story," she began. "I actually met him in the parking garage while I was waiting for you the day Bella had the accident."

"Oh," I said in shock.

She moved toward me and hugged me. I hugged her back, "It's good to see you." she said.

I smiled, "Good to see you too."

"So how are things going with Bella?" she asked. "Is she doing okay?" She seemed sincere in her questions so I answered her.

"She's doing well, trying to stay positive." It wasn't until then that I realized that I was exhausted. The mental warfare of the past week was catching up with me.

Tanya moved closer and cupped my jaw, "How are _you_ doing?"

"Well," I didn't know what to say, or where to begin. Truth be told, I really needed someone to talk to.

She picked up on it, "Edward, I'm here if you need to talk."

I thought for a moment, I wasn't sure if it was a good idea or not. Tanya might read too much into it if I confided in her. I decided to throw caution to the wind, "Actually I was just about to run up to my apartment to pick up a few things and have a drink. Would you like to join me?"

"Sure," she said, and proceeded to follow me back to my place.

We sat down on the sofa with two beers and talked like old friends. There was a level of comfort with Tanya that I hadn't felt with Bella in so long. It was easy; I didn't have to hide so much from her. I didn't have to worry about what she was going to be thinking when she got her memory back.

"The thing is Tanya," I started. "I need to tell you how I'm feeling about Bella and I need to know if you are comfortable hearing about it."

"Edward, whatever you need to tell me is fine. I've moved on, I have James now." She assured me.

I spilled my guts. Telling her everything that had gone on from the minute Bella and I got home, up until I left the house just an hour or so ago. That staying away from her had been the most difficult thing I had ever had to do. That I had been insanely jealous of Jacob, and that I had come close to kissing her several times.

Tanya brought up the same argument as Emmett and Jasper. "What happens, if she doesn't want you back when this is all over?"

I leaned back against the couch cushions letting my head fall heavily, against the large pillow. "Ugh, see my point," I said in frustration. "It's a constant struggle. It's the internal battle that never lets up."

She scooted closer to me on the sofa, running her fingers through my hair and letting her nails delicately touch my scalp. The gesture calmed me, as did the beer that I was drinking. "You think too much Edward." She said as her hands came down to massage the base of my neck. "I think you just need to relax."

I continued sipping my beer, and I let my eyes close. They shot open when I felt Tanya's lips against my forehead.

_What is she doing?  
_

She kissed several times, and for whatever reason, insanity, alcohol, unimaginable need for some kind of physical contact, whatever it was I didn't try to stop her.

Tanya moved down my face, kissing my eyes, nose, and both cheeks all while cupping my jaw. I lifted my head to look at her, "Edward," she said in a whisper.

Then I did it, I fucking kissed her. Our lips met, and both of our mouths opened instantly. There was no holding back, I kissed her the way I had imaged kissing Bella every day for the past week.

* * *

***** Peeks out from behind large brick wall… begging readers to relax*** **

**Okay everyone don't freak out. I suppose that you will all just have to wait until next Wednesday to find out what happens. **

**Also, remember to trust Edward. He's struggling too. **

**I should warn you though… your reviews are going to decide the fate of this little situation we've found ourselves in. Here is the breakdown.**

**Lots of reviews= Edward coming to his senses **

**Reviews…not so much= Edward going ahead with…well ya know. **

**I don't think any of us want to read that, and I would certainly rather not write it. So review, review, review. **


	8. Chapter 8

**Good grief guys! **

**Apparently, all I have to do is threaten a wicked lemon between our hero and the little bitch we all hate in order to get reviews. Thanks so much for all of them. Some of them actually made me laugh out loud. **

**So if that's what it takes to make you hit the review button, go ahead and live in fear that at any time I might decide to let Edward have sex with Tanya. Heehee. I'm serious, a lemon between those two won't be pretty. Don't make me do it.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight...**

* * *

I allowed the kissing to continue for several minutes. The simple feel of her lips against mine felt good for a short time. But then, it changed. Something was missing. She didn't feel, smell, or taste the way I wanted her to. The sound of her voice alerted me to the fact that I wasn't kissing my love. I was just kissing, and yes, there is a difference. "Edward," she whispered as she pulled my hand to her breast.

I pulled back, "Wait," I said. She continued and pulled at my face in an effort to keep going.

I knew then that no woman would ever compare to Bella. A hundred years from now, whether she wanted me or not, I would still love her. Every woman from now until the day I died would have to live up to her. Bella was on a pedestal, and God help the woman who tried to replace her. No one ever could.

"What? Did you want to move to the bedroom?" She asked while kissing my neck.

I grabbed her wrists and pulled her hands from my face, "No Tanya, stop." I said.

She looked at me for a moment before letting her eyes become those familiar evil slits, "Why?"

I stood up, "I can't do this. I'm sorry Tanya, I shouldn't have asked you to come over." I was trying to apologize. I _knew_ that asking her to come in for a drink might have been a bad idea.

She stood up with her arms flailing about in a fury, "I don't understand you Edward!" She shouted. "First you break up with me. Then you run into me in the mail room and ask me to come up for a drink! What's the deal here? You can't keep doing this; it's not fair to me!"

"I know I'm sorry, I have had a really rough week," I explained. "I really needed someone to talk to; you were the first person I ran into that seemed willing to listen."

"Don't give me that shit Edward! You have a brother who is your best friend. Are you telling me that Emmett wouldn't have been willing to listen to you?"

"No, he would have listened." I knew what she was getting at. She thought that I had intentionally done this, that I had lured her into my apartment with the intent to sleep with her.

"Then why? If your brother would have listened, why didn't you just hug me and send me on my way? Why did you ask me to come back here with you?"

"Look Tanya, I don't know why." I wanted to say that it was a mistake, but Tanya would construe that as me saying that _she_ was a mistake, and if I'm being honest, she was. "I shouldn't have done it, I led you on and I'm sorry for that. I just needed a friend."

She stared at me for a moment before crossing her arms in front of her chest and sauntering toward me, the look on her face actually made me nervous. Tanya was evil, she had _revenge_ written all over her face, "I'm going to go."

I felt my eyebrows furrow in question. "That's it?" I asked.

"Yeah," she said nonchalantly before grabbing her bag and placing it neatly on her shoulder. I watched her in shock as she made her way to the door.

_No way._ I thought as she simply walked off. I was just starting to feel relief when she turned and questioned me, "Oh Edward?"

"What?" I asked as heavy nausea started to set in.

"You haven't told Bella about you and I _have_ you? I mean you've probably been thinking that there is no point in telling her because of her memory issues and all. Am I right?"

No. She. Wasn't.

I didn't consider myself a violent man, but Tanya was pushing me. "Has anyone ever told you that you are a cold hearted bitch?" I asked.

"Actually," she began with a twisted smile, "yes." She said with pride.

I moved toward her, "Well you have certainly earned the title." I pinned her up against the wall, gripping her shoulders tightly. "I am only going to say this once, so you better hear me. Are you listening?" I asked to make sure I had her attention. She didn't speak, so I shook her slightly, "Answer me!" I shouted.

"Yes! I'm fucking listening, you are in my face. I have no choice but to listen."

"I take full responsibility for what has happened here today. I should have just hugged you, told you everything was fine, and been on my way. However, that _isn't_ what happened. I made a snap decision and it has clearly cost me." I took a deep breath and continued, "I have every intention of telling Bella about my relationship with you. When the time is right." I gripped her shoulders a little tighter to make sure my point was made, "_I_ will decide when the time is right. Not you or anyone else is going to make that decision for me. Do you understand me?"

"Yesss," she hissed, sending some of her spit flying at my face.

I wanted to slap her but the gentleman in me wouldn't allow it, "You stay the _fuck_ away from her. She is dealing with something that you can't begin to understand. She doesn't need to deal with you too." I let go of her, "Now get the hell out." I growled.

She moved quickly toward the door, pulling it shut with a little more force than necessary. I locked it before plopping myself down on the couch. I grabbed hold of my hair, "Fuuuucccckkk!" I shouted hearing the sound of my angered voice echo off of the wood floor.

I spoke out loud, trying to talk myself through it. "What the fuck is wrong with you Cullen? Have you lost your God damned mind?" I had just gone and made a bad situation worse. Now, not only was I going to have to explain Tanya to Bella when the time was right, but I was going to have to tell her that I kissed her even after breaking up with her. "Jesus Christ!" And as if I didn't have enough pressure to begin with, now I had to worry about Tanya running into or possibly seeking Bella out and telling her about the situation herself. I felt my hatred for Tanya increase, "This isn't Tanya's fault." I reminded myself out loud. Tanya's behavior was to be expected, it was just the kind of woman she was.

_My_ behavior on the other hand felt completely out of character. For the first time ever I felt like I had cheated on Bella. I had kissed another woman while I was in love with someone else. There was no excuse that's what I had done. When I was in a relationship with Tanya before, I was living out on my own; Bella and I were just waiting for the papers to be drawn up. It was all but over.

When I finally told Bella about this I knew I would have to beg, grovel, on my hands and knees for forgiveness. I would do whatever it took to prove my loyalty to her.

I took a shower and changed into a new pair of jeans and another shirt before heading back out. I wanted to erase any and all traces of Tanya. On the way home I was overrun with guilt. I considered telling Bella the whole story as soon as I walked in just to get it off my chest. My thought was that she might be more willing to forgive me if I told her about it now. "That's what I'll do." I decided.

I sat in the driveway for several minutes trying to think of a way to break it to her. There was no easy way out; it was going to hurt regardless.

I walked in and made my way to the bedroom without breaking my stride. "Edward?" I heard Bella from the other side of the house.

She was up. Of course she was up; I had been gone for the better part of two hours. About that time the smell of food coming from the kitchen caught my attention. I followed it, and found Bella standing at the stove, leaning on one crutch cooking dinner.

_Oh God she is cooking you dinner. You are a total shit._

"Bella," I said as I walked up behind her, "you didn't have to do this."

She turned and put her arms around my neck, "Yes I did Edward." Her hold on me tightened as she spoke, "You have been amazing, I had to do something to show my appreciation."

I let my arms circle her waist. I drank her in and let her touch calm me, even though I didn't deserve it. "Thank you for cooking dinner but it really wasn't necessary."

She kissed me once on the cheek before turning back to dinner. "I found the journal you bought me," she said. "Thanks for that too, it's lovely."

"Oh," I began. "I had actually wanted to write something in it for you but couldn't figure out what to say."

She turned her head and spoke over her shoulder, "Well, I'm sure it will come to you."

I couldn't put it off any longer I had to tell her, "Bella, I have to tell you something." I took a deep breath and tried to force the words out.

"Go ahead Edward." She urged, when I didn't say anything.

I couldn't do it, the time wasn't right. She had already had the day from hell and I wasn't exactly sure how she was going to handle the news. "I bought you one of those noodle things that Jake suggested."

_Dumb ass, she'll never buy it._

She turned herself around and looked at me like I was losing it. "That's it? That's what you had to tell me?"

"Yeah, sorry," I said as I quickly came up with an excuse. "I've had a long day; it's just starting to get to me that's all."

"Hmmm," she hummed as she lifted one eyebrow. "I'm not buying it."

_You are such a pussy. This isn't going to get any easier. _

**~*~*~*~*~*~**

By the time Saturday came I had managed to internally smooth things over. Telling myself that any thoughts of Tanya and what happened were a waste of my time. I was going to handle things when I was ready.

Bella said she wanted to get out of the house, I thought it might be a good time to give everyone a call and see if they were available for dinner.

Alice and Jasper weren't available until Sunday night so we made plans to go out Sunday evening to our favorite restaurant, Houston's. We hadn't been there just the six of us in over a year. I was looking forward to it.

The rest of Saturday was pretty boring. Until that evening … Bella came out in her white bikini. Good God she was beautiful. I had seen her in that bikini on countless occasions; the thin material left little to the imagination. "What are you doing?" I asked as I swallowed hard trying to keep it together.

"I am bored out of my mind; I am going to try those exercises." I just sat there like a moron staring at her, "Edward, did you want to join me or am I on my own?"

"Sure, I'll join you; just give me a minute to change."

**~*~*~*~*~*~**

I helped lower into the water that had been warmed by the hot Texas sun earlier that day.

"Are you okay?" I asked once I felt she was securely holding herself against the side of the pool.

"Yeah, it feels good to be completely weightless."

"Okay, stay right here," I instructed as I walked across the ground that was still warm from the heat of the day.

"Wait, where are you going?" She asked.

"I'm going to get that noodle thing, hold on."

I quickly made my way back to the pool holding the yellow noodle I bought for her the other day.

"Here," I said. "Let's do the exercises that he suggested."

She grabbed the noodle and held it out in front of her with both palms gripping it tightly. I could tell she was tense but seemed to relax the more she moved. She kicked her legs gently propelling herself forward. I stayed by her; wanting to make sure she felt at ease.

"I'm okay Edward, just let me go." She gave me an appreciative smile and I let her move at her leisure. She was trying to keep her independence and I smiled to show her how proud I was at her progress. She felt free in the water, like she could do it on her own. I gave her the space she needed, hoping to build her confidence.

I watched her as she swam a few laps; finally coming to rest over by the waterfall. She moved the noodle under her butt and sat on it as she rested and caught her breath.

I watched in awe as her fingers fanned out under the cascading water. I was reminded of the last time we were in the pool together and let my mind recall all the details......

_**Flashback**_

Bella was going for one of her nightly swims and on this particular night, I decided to join her.

I stepped into the pool undetected. Letting the coolness of the water and warm summer breeze relax my mind and body, washing away the events of the day.

Bella was sitting on the ledge in the water, just beyond the waterfall. As I reached the falls, I let my head pass under, further drenching myself further in the process.

"Hello stranger," she said smiling down at me. I joined her on the ledge as I let my eyes grab hold of the most gorgeous woman I had ever laid eyes on.

"Hi, I thought I might join you tonight if that's okay with you." I said with a cocky grin on my face.

"It's always okay with me," she said while leaning in to kiss me softly. I stared at her toned wet body and reached out to touch her; letting my fingers delicately stroke the fabric of her white bikini top. I could feel her nipples harden with my gentle graze. Her head tilted back and I watched as her eyes closed. She smiled, "Now I see why you wanted to join me." She joked.

"I can't help it. You're stunning and I really missed you today." I said, as I sucked her neck gently while palming her breast and watching her skin tighten in goose bumps. "Come here," I grabbed hold of her waist, picking her up easily and positioning her on my lap.

She laughed at the sudden movement; enjoying the rough affection. I pushed one side of her top aside and licked her exposed nipple with the flat part of my tongue. The sound she made urged me on as I continued to lightly tug on her electrified mound. Overcome with excitement, she tilted my head back and attacked my mouth with hers. I groaned with approval at her action.

Her hips were grinding into me, giving me some of the friction I craved. As I pressed against her, she reached down and removed me from the confines of my swim trunks, "Edward," she pleaded, as she squeezed my erection tightly at the base.

"Fuck," I groaned. "Tell me what you want. I want to hear the words come from your beautiful mouth." I said as I nibbled and sucked her neck.

"I want _you_," she said whispering in a raspy voice against my ear. Her desperate words left me crazed with desire to please her.

"You have me, always." I reached down between us and moved her swimsuit to the side. "Here, is this you want?" I asked teasingly as I moved myself to her entrance and watched her mouth drop open as she slowly lowered herself onto me.

"Yes," she moaned.

She looked incredible, eyes closed, bottom lip tucked between her teeth, and water droplets dripping down her skin. I watched her bite her bottom lip a little harder every time she lowered herself further down my shaft, letting me fill her completely. I untied her top so I could stare at her perfect breasts. I wanted to feel her against my bare chest, and remove all barriers between us.

I rested my hands on her hips, but didn't guide her movements. She knew exactly what she was doing and did not need any help from me. Bella worked herself on me, moving her hips this way and that, seeking her release.

Each of her nipples came closer to my mouth as she easily glided harder and harder over my cock. I let her breasts do all the work for me. All I had to do was stick my tongue out and let her nipples graze passed with each stride.

She pulled my head back by my hair and I grabbed her chin, letting myself taste her neck. "Jesus Bella," I groaned. We were both desperate. The water around us was splashing, and I am sure we were making waves in the rest of the pool as we both urged on.

At one point, she clasped her hands behind my neck and allowed herself to lean back, so that her head was on the other side of the waterfall. Seizing the opportunity, I took over all movement. Thrusting hard, she screamed out from the other side of the falls. "Yes! Fuck me! Just like that!" I smiled with pride before I grabbed her shoulders and pulled her back up, so she was under the sheath again.

"Quiet, do you want all of the neighbors to hear what a naughty little girl you are?" I asked, just before I bit down on her earlobe. As soon as the words escaped my lips, I knew I shouldn't have said it.

"Oh shit Edward!" She screamed. I chuckled and covered her mouth with my palm. I knew better. She got off on it when I talked to her like that. I put my palm at the middle of her back, pulling her flush with my chest.

"Be quiet Bella," I whispered huskily into her ear.

I moved my hand from her mouth and she whispered back, "I'm so close Edward, I need more. Fuck me harder."

Oh, I could give her more, if she would just keep that beautiful mouth closed. I leaned to her ear again, "You like it when I fuck your tight little pussy don't you?"

"Yes," she whispered back. I could tell she was out of breath and ready to peak.

"Are you ready to come?" I asked. I was ready to go at any time. I was holding out for her, but if she kept working me the way she was, I wouldn't be able to last much longer.

"Yes, oh my G od, Edward I want to come."

"Good," I whispered back, as I thrust even harder. Aiming for that spot, "Come on Bella," thrust, "come for me baby." Thrust.

She lost control, thrashing and contorting around me as I felt her muscles start to clench.

"Oh god Edward! I'm coming!"

I forced myself up into her as deep as I could and left myself there; coming deep inside of her.

"Fuuck!" I hollered, just before her hand raised up; slapping against my mouth to hush my sounds.

"Shut up Edward. Do you want all the neighbors to hear what a naughty little boy you are?" She teased, using my own words against me.

I laughed as she rode me for a minute more, before finally coming to rest with her head leaned against the crook of my neck. She laid sensual kisses and bit gently against my neck and collar bone.

_**End Flashback**_

I was brought out of my delicious memory by water splashing my face. Shaking it off and wiping the water from my eyes, she repeated herself with an irritated tone. "Edward? Did you hear what I asked you?"

I shook my head trying to lose the memory before answering her, "Oh sorry, no. What did you say?" I was still coming out of my dazed state when I realized I was actually semi hard because of that memory.

"I asked if we ever used the pool."

"Oh yeah, you used to use it all the time during the summer months. You would come out here and swim nearly every night."

She looked a little perplexed, "Did you not ever come out and swim with me?"

"Sometimes I did." I couldn't help the smile that was now spread all the way across my face.

_Damn if she only knew._

"What?" She asked smiling back. I glanced at the waterfall behind her.

"Nothing, it's nothing."

"Edward?" She sighed in irritation. I knew where this was going. "Okay, here's the deal. If you don't tell me about some stuff, how am I ever going to remember?"

I groaned and ran both of my hands through my wet hair, as I looked at the waterfall again making sure she noticed this time. I wasn't going to just come out and say it. She was going to have to figure this sweet memory out on her own. She looked back at it and turned to me biting her lip, "Did something happen behind that waterfall?"

I curled both of my lips into my mouth sealing them shut with my teeth, and I simply nodded.

"By the looks on your face, it must have been pretty good. Is that what you were thinking about before I splashed you?"

"Yeah," I admitted.

"So was it?"

I lifted an eyebrow, "Was it what?"

"Was it good?" She asked again, getting even more annoyed at my inability to stay on task.

I laughed out loud, and ran my hands nervously through my hair again.

"Yeah, it was umm, pretty good." I stated like it was no big deal. I needed to end this conversation; she would continue to probe me for information until I refused.

I glanced at her face again and her eyes were closed, I watched as she opened them slowly, "I wish I could remember." She said sadly.

My smile left my face as I swam over to her, "Bella, it's probably better that you don't remember that one." For the time being, I would be the only one hurting from our pending divorce. The less she knew the better. I could handle my emotional pain, and I was thankful that she didn't have to deal with her physical pain and the emotional pain as well.

I looked down at her again and saw the guilt sweep across her face, "I'm sorry Edward."

"Oh, Bella, don't apologize. It's okay."

"Can you tell me about that memory then?" She asked with pleading hope in her eyes.

This was a new tactic; she hadn't tried using those eyes on me, yet.

I had to get away.

Without a thought I shook my head, "No," and decided it was time to remove myself. I turned and swiftly walked up the steps. I grabbed a towel and started to dry myself off, when I realized that I was being a complete jackass. I left her in the pool, not to mention the fact that I was rude to her.

I glanced back at her only to see her pouting from my harsh actions and unable to look at me. Dropping my towel, I strolled back into the pool and over to her. I lifted her carefully into my arms, "I'm sorry," I whispered to let her know I wasn't mad at her.

I could see the hurt and anger in her eyes. We exited the pool, her in my arms, and I stopped to grab a dry towel before carrying her into the house.

I took her into the bathroom and sat her down on the counter, so there wouldn't be added weight on her knee. I gently patted her legs dry with the towel she just sat there. I finally allowed myself to meet her eyes again.

I had to say something, I could tell by the look on her face she was struggling because I wouldn't tell her. "Bella," I sighed heavily, "I-"

Her voice was raised, "Edward, I deserve to know, I don't understand." I could understand her frustration; she hopped off the counter angrily, onto her good foot, holding the other leg up. I saw her face contort a little because of the pain her sudden movement had caused.

"Bella, stop you shouldn't move like that." I said as I gently grabbed her elbow, attempting to steady her.

She yanked it away, "Don't tell me what to do!" She started to limp in the direction of the door to the bathroom. "Do you know what it's like to know you lived a life you can't remember?" She turned to face me, and pointed, "Do you?"

I felt my face go red with anger, and my heart sped up. She may have been dealing with something that I didn't know about, but I was too. Did she know what it was like to have all of these memories? Without anyone else knowing about them, it was almost like they never really happened.

That fact was about to change.

In a moment of either complete insanity or clarity, I'm not sure which. I grabbed her body roughly, pinning her up against the wall. She jerked out of shock; I pressed both of my hands to the wall on either side of her forehead. Leaning in close, I let my breath hit her face.

I tried to force myself to stop, to put some distance between us but I couldn't. Her breathing was shaky, "Do you want to know?" I asked in a gruff whisper. "I'll tell you if you really want to know."

I watched her eyes roll back before they fell closed; and I felt myself grow hard, "Yes," she whispered so quietly it was barely audible.

I looped my finger into the string of her bikini that was holding her top up around her neck, "You were wearing this exact swimsuit." I ran my finger down her skin letting it touch the top of her perfect breast. I un-looped my finger and ran it over her erect nipple, she didn't try to stop me, but I heard her stop breathing until my finger got passed her breast.

I ran it slowly down her stomach, her belly tensed under my touch. I reached the line of the thin fabric at her waist and dipped just the tip of my index finger in. I held it there and let my internal battle begin.

I was struggling, with myself; I was getting ready to tell her something extremely intimate, and it would be brand new information to her. I was going to have to relive that memory all over again, and tell her about the details in the process.

I was painfully hard now; it took all the restraint I had not to grind my hips into her. How was I going to do this without taking her to the bed and trying to coerce her into sex? My breath was coming out in shaky spurts, "Edward," she begged me to continue.

I lost my strength, I couldn't say no to her now any better than I could when we were happy together. "What do you want to know?" I asked trying to find out how much she could handle.

"Everything, tell me everything,"

"So you want to know how I had to cover your mouth so the neighbors wouldn't hear you coming all over my cock?"

She sighed loudly because of my words, and my lips inched even closer to hers, "Yes, please."

I closed my eyes and continued, "I pulled you on top of me," I had to stop for a moment to get control. "You grabbed hold of my hair and forced your mouth to mine," I breathed in and out letting my ragged breath rush into her mouth that I could tell was open. "You pleaded with me, and told me you wanted me. Is any of this ringing any bells?" I asked wondering if maybe me telling her about it was triggering something.

"Not yet, keep going."

My hips pressed firmly into her stomach, the contact gave my cock some friction. I wanted to let her tongue slide with mine. I was fighting the urge to let my finger that was still resting just inside her swimsuit slip lower. I wanted to feel the wetness that I knew was pooling there.

Her hand came up and grazed my chest, "You looked fucking beautiful, bouncing up and down on me in the water," I let my other hand come up, starting at her hip I moved slowly loving the way her skin felt against my palm. "You may not know this about yourself, but you have beautiful breasts, they were perfectly on display for me that night." I let my hand gently rest against the side of her breast. I was preparing for her to stop me, for her to tell me that this was too far, but she didn't.

I couldn't help it, the need became too great. If I couldn't kiss her mouth I had to kiss her somewhere. I moved to her jaw and kissed my way to her ear, I let my tongue slip out a few times leaving a thin trail of moisture. Her breath was heavy now and I felt her hand come up around my neck as she pulled me closer. "I remember asking you if you were ready to come. Do you know what you said?" I knew damn well she didn't know what she said, but part of me wanted to hear her beg.

"No, tell me."

I smiled against her neck, and moved my mouth to her ear. I liked the fact that she wanted me to keep going, "I believe your exact words were, 'Oh my god Edward, yes I want to come.'" She shuttered when my teeth grazed her earlobe.

"So did I?" she asked.

"Did you what?" I was so focused on what the delicate skin of her neck tasted like that I forgot what I was saying.

She banged her fist against my chest in frustration, "Did I come?"

"Yes, you most definitely came," I continued working her neck our hands stayed where they were, one of mine dipped slightly into her bottoms, the other resting on her breasts. While one of hers sat in a fist against my chest and the other pulled at my neck. "We both came."

I knew if I started telling her this and her body reacted to me in any way I wouldn't be able to resist her. I went ahead and gave myself permission to move my mouth to hers and let our lips barely touch.

It was her move.

"Edward?" I nearly lost control when she spoke because of the gentle movement of her lips against mine.

"What?" I could barely speak or form a coherent thought.

I couldn't move; my lips were still barley touching hers; our mouths were slightly parted as we breathed. I could taste her; it was a familiar soothing taste. Something I had craved. Her hand that was on my neck pulled me closer and I opened my eyes, to find hers open as well. I saw nothing but dark lust, "Bella," I whispered trying to warn her. I wouldn't be able to resist this much longer. If she wanted me to stop, now was her chance.

She didn't heed the warning; instead she bit down on my bottom lip and sucked gently. A deep wanton groan erupted from my chest as I lost myself in her. Her tongue entered my mouth, and her hands explored my chest. It felt like I was kissing her for the first time, and in her eyes I was. I let my palm fully cup her breast, her swimsuit was still wet and her skin was cold against my hand. She moaned at the contact, "Bella, are you sure?" My voice was husky; I needed her to give me permission to continue. "I can't stop, I need you."

"Don't stop." Her lips moved against my tongue.

Both of her hands ventured down my chest to the top of my swim trunks where she untied them. "God, Bella," I knew I needed to stop but my body was in control. I reached behind her and picked her up, she wrapped her right leg tightly around my waist and I held onto the other so there wouldn't be any weight on it.

I lay her on the bed and hovered over her. I took my time with her mouth, re-familiarizing myself. "God Bella, you don't know how hard it has been for me to stay away from you."

I removed her top, "God you taste so fucking good," I said as I moved down. Her perfect nipple between my lips was something I had missed. "I've missed you so much." I confessed as I moved down her abdomen frantically kissing every inch of skin I could.

"Oh God Edward!" she hollered. I smiled against the tender flesh. I loved the fact that she didn't know what I could do to her, or how I could make her feel. I on the other hand knew exactly what she liked. I knew where to touch her and when; and precisely how much pressure to apply to get her to fly over the edge.

I smiled as I kissed my way down her body; this was going to be good. She may hate me in the end but she was going to remember _this_ orgasm for the rest of her life.

She watched me as I removed her bottoms. I found her clit with my lips and grazed over it. She let out a needy groan, "Be patient baby," she was wet and I caused every last drop. I nibbled her inner thighs, lips, and clit, as she squirmed.

I kissed her clit the way I would kiss her mouth, using my tongue to frustrate her. She tasted so fucking sweet, part of me wanted to sit there all night and lick her. I plunged two fingers inside, and finally let my tongue find that spot that would make her come undone.

A few moments later she lost it just like I knew she would. Her fingers tangled themselves into my hair and she pressed my face into her. I continued to lick and suck her until she couldn't take any more. She came violently around my fingers.

I kissed her clit softly once and her body jerked before she laughed a little. I kissed my way back up her body, "What's so funny?" I asked, amused by the look of euphoria on her face.

"It's just, I don't' think …God!" She sighed. I watched as her hands roamed her body like she was trying to hold onto the feeling.

I smiled as I kissed the delicate skin of her neck. "God, what? Tell me Bella."

"I don't think I have ever come like that before."

I couldn't help but laugh, I laid next to her with my hand propping my head up, "Yes, you have. You just don't remember."

She slapped me teasingly, "That is not fair, you know all of my spots and I don't know any of yours."

I laughed wickedly and rolled over onto her, letting myself rest between her legs. "How's your knee?" I asked making sure she wanted more.

"Sore, but don't let that stop you, I'll be fine." She grinned.

I pushed all of my worries about what would happen in the morning out of my head. "I know another secret. Do you want to know what it is?"

"Yes, I want to know everything you know." I wasn't sure if she was still talking about sex but it didn't matter. I wasn't finished.

I pressed my lips to hers and let her deepen the kiss quickly; she groaned as she tasted herself on me. I swear there is nothing hotter than a woman tasting herself. I let my hips grind into her. I could feel her entrance with the tip of my cock, one slight adjustment and I could finally sheath myself in her. I moved my mouth to her ear, "Here's the secret. Are you ready?" I asked.

"Yes," her voice was filled with need.

"I can make you come like that again." I bit down on her earlobe and drug my teeth across it.

"Oh God!"

I smiled with pride, "I can show you if you want." I suggested seductively.

"Fuck, just do it already."

I laughed again and pushed myself inside of her. "Oh fuck Bella," she was tighter than I remembered. It had been a while; she had probably had a chance to tighten back up. "Jesus you are so fucking tight!" I groaned and stilled myself.

One of two things was going to have to happen, either she was going to have to stretch or the sensitive skin of my cock was going to have to adjust to the sensation.

_Baseball, baseball, baseball._

She moaned, as I started to move slowly in and out, "Jesus, I can feel you stretching me."she said.

"Are you okay?" I asked. I didn't want to hurt her.

"Yes, don't stop," her mouth was slightly open and her breathing became unsteady. "Maybe I'm not tight maybe you're just that big."

My eyes shot to hers because of her words. I stopped myself from saying it but couldn't stop myself from thinking it.

_I fucking love you._

I didn't care if she was just stroking my ego; every guy wants to hear that.

I moved a little faster, and adjusted my hips to hit that spot in her. "Ahhh!" She squealed when I hit it. _There it is._ I smiled against her lips.

"I told you I could make you come again. Do you want to?"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" She taunted, I pulled almost all the way out and slammed back in, hitting it again. "Ahh, God… right there… harder Edward."

"Where?" I pulled out, "Right," I did it again, "here?"

"Ahhh, shit yes, right there, don't stop."

I pounded away until I knew she was on the edge and then pulled back to bring her down. I took everything I had not to come. Everything about her was intoxicating. Her smell, her skin, her lips, her pussy wrapped tightly around me. It was all new and familiar at the same time, if such a thing is even possible.

I continued with this until she begged me to make her come, "Oh please… please don't stop…" Her right leg came up and she dug her heel into my ass to keep me going. "I'm so close Edward!"

"Come for me Bella," I stopped ravaging her breasts long enough to look at her beautiful face. "I want to feel that tight little pussy come on me." I wanted to see if it would still look the same when I made her come.

Her hips met every one of my thrusts and I watched her eyes fall shut, and her brows furrow. Her mouth flew open and a stream of profanities flew from her lips, "Holyfuckingshit!"

Seeing her face and hearing her words, made me lose what control I had. She clenched around me, "Fuck Bella!" I sat up quickly and grabbed her hips and forcing myself as deep as I could in one last strong thrust as I emptied inside of her.

As soon as I came I collapsed on top of her, letting my cheek rest on her breasts, while laying soft kisses, tasting her dampened skin. Her hands ran through my hair and my eyes rolled back. I could hear her heart pounding just below my ear.

"Jesus Christ Edward. Was it always like that?"

"Nearly every single time," I admitted breathlessly.

We lay there for several minutes coming down from it. Now that we had actually done it I was overrun with worry.

_What the fuck did I just do?_

* * *

**There, how'd ya like that? Two lemons in one chapter.**

**They finally did it. I hope I did the moment justice. **

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**I've said it before and I'll say it again… Reviews= Lemons**


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you all so much for all of the reviews. I think I sent a private thank you to nearly all of you for the reviews last time. If I missed you, I apologize just know that I do read and appreciate all of them. **

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* * *

We had fallen asleep together and slept in. Bella was cuddled into my side with her head resting on my arm. I rolled toward her and stared down at her face. I felt a faint smile pull at my lips. I no longer cared what we'd done. I was going to relax and enjoy the time I had with her. I kissed her lips once before carefully climbing out of bed.

My plan was to make coffee and breakfast, then serve it to her in bed. While the coffee was brewing I caught sight of Bella's journal sitting on the kitchen table. I wanted to try my hand at writing something again before she woke. I sat down and flipped through it slightly to make sure she hadn't made an entry yet.

If she had, I was going to wait until she was in the room to write. I didn't want to invade her privacy by looking through her journal. She hadn't written anything yet. I sat there letting the pen hover over the page before starting. I knew what I wanted to say…

_To My Bella,_

_No one will ever be your equal._

_Your Edward_

I stared at it for a moment, letting the magnitude of the words sink in. I wondered if she would understand that I was trying to tell her I still loved her without actually coming out and saying it. Surely she would know how truly exceptional she was.

Pleased with myself and what I'd written, I went back to breakfast. I was standing in front of the stove when I felt one warm arm circle around my waist. "Good morning," she whispered as she placed a chaste kiss on my bare back, sending a delightful shiver down my spine.

I turned to face her, "You weren't supposed to wake up," I said. "I was going to wake you with breakfast in bed." I smiled a little to let her know I was teasing.

"Mmmm," she hummed against my lips. "I'll go wait for you in there then." She kissed me for a moment more before pulling back. "Pretend I didn't wake up," she said with another kiss. "Just finish what you were doing and come "wake me"."

I laughed as she turned and walked off. I couldn't shake the feeling, I was giddy, excited, happy, scared, and every other emotion all mixed into one. I thought carefully as I finished cooking, we were supposed to go out with everyone tonight. This could be interesting. I had told Jasper and Emmett that I would be careful about how close I allowed myself to get with Bella. I needed to talk to her about what she wanted to do.

If Bella wanted to come clean and tell everyone that we had been together, then I would do it, for her.

I finished with breakfast and carried everything to her on a tray. I found her rolled onto her side faking sleep; I smiled as I put the tray down on the night stand next to her. "Bella," I whispered again. I could see her lips twitching in effort to hold back a smile. "Bella," I whispered again this time a little closer to her face. "You're not sleeping," I said directly into her ear before kissing it gently.

The smile she had been keeping at bay finally spread across her face. She slapped me, "You're no fun," she said jokingly as she sat up.

I positioned the tray over her lap so she could eat. "What about you?" she asked.

"I brought enough for two," I said as I grabbed the extra fork.

We ate together in comfortable silence, steeling glances every once in a while. I noticed her giving quick shy smiles.

"What are you thinking?" I finally asked when I finished my juice.

She finished her own and answered, "I was thinking I want you to get back in bed with me."

"I think that can be arranged," I teased as I removed the tray and crawled back in.

We faced each other staring for the longest time. "Come here," I said as I gathered her to me. We rested quietly for several minutes before her lips found the crook of my neck. Her hands traveled down my chest, toying with the waistline of my boxers.

Last night she had said that it wasn't fair because I knew all of her "spots" and she didn't know any of mine. That wasn't true; she seemed to be doing just fine if you ask me.

Very soon I was kissing her passionately, letting my tongue explore her mouth. Listening carefully to the sounds of her breathing and heartbeat, I wanted her. I felt delighted when I heard little whimpers and sighs come from her because of my hands on her body.

When she pulled at my shoulders in an effort to get me on top of her I stopped, "Bella," I said against her mouth.

"What?" she asked.

Neither of us stopped, the kissing only grew more and more heated.

"Bella, stop baby," I pushed on her to make it stop.

"What's wrong?" she asked with intense worry on her face.

I chuckled as I caressed her cheek, "Don't worry baby, nothing's wrong. We just need to talk for a minute that's all."

"Oh," she propped her head on her palm. "About what?" she asked.

I did the same with my palm before I continued, "Okay, we have dinner with everyone tonight. We need to talk about what we're going to tell them." I waited for her reaction.

She looked thoughtful for a moment. "Well what do _you_ want to tell them?" she asked.

"I'm just going to be honest with you," I said. "I think we should keep it between us for the time being."

"Why?" She crooked an eyebrow at me.

I couldn't help but smirk at her, "Jasper and Emmett predicted that we would end up doing what we've done."

She smiled, "So if they predicted it then why do you want to keep it from them?"

"Because I promised I wouldn't let anything happen until your memory came back. They are going to think I seduced you into this."

She sat for a moment before she laid back on her pillow in laughter. "Oh my God Edward," she cried as she wiped a tear from her eye.

I chuckled at her, "What's so funny?" I asked amused.

She took a few deep breaths before rolling back to her side and facing me, "You think that you seduced me?" she asked.

_Okay enough with the laughing._

She scooted herself closer to me, and began kissing my chest seductively, "It's quite possible, that I seduced you." She bit down lightly on my nipple, making me rock hard almost instantly. "Did you ever think of that?" she asked as she gave it a tender kiss.

No. No I hadn't thought of that. Is that what happened? She planned this?

She worked her way up to my neck, kissing and sucking gently. "You did all this on purpose?" I asked.

"Yup," she said with confidence.

"All of the flirting, teasing, almost kisses, that was all you?"

She nibbled my ear, "What part of "yup" don't you understand?" she teased.

I rolled her over abruptly pinning her arms above her head. She giggled and struggled to get away as I attacked her neck with my mouth, "I'm going to go ahead and let you take fifty percent of the responsibility for this. But I am not convinced that it was aalll you."

As we kissed, she spoke, "Go ahead and keep telling yourself that, if it helps."

We were so rudely interrupted by Bella's cell phone. "Let it go," I said, as I made my way down to her breasts.

She reached for the night stand where her cell phone was still ringing, and answered before I had a chance to stop. "Hello?" she answered.

I didn't stop teasing her hardened nipple through the thin material of her tank top until she spoke again, "Hey Alice."

I stopped, sitting up quickly.

She mouthed, "Why'd you stop?"

I gave her a stern look and pointed to the phone that was still being held up to her ear. She grabbed my hair and pulled me back to her breast. "Oww!" I shouted without thinking.

Alice must have asked what the sound was, "It was Edward being a wuss, I just pulled his hair."

I got up out of the bed, trying to hold back the laughter. I stood over by the dresser listening to their conversation. It didn't sound too important, just a lot of girly chit chat. With the_, "How are you?" "Fine. How are you?" "Looking forward to tonight." _

Alice and Bella had been talking nearly every day for the past few days. I didn't mind so much, it was good for Bella to have a friend.

When the conversation ended I sauntered toward the bed, "_That,_ was completely unnecessary." I said as I crawled on top of her.

"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about," she chuckled. "Oh you must be referring to me pulling your hair."

"That's exactly what I'm talking about," I said as I kissed my way from her collar bone to her breast.

Her moans urged me on as I kissed, pulling the top of her tank down to get a taste. "So I take it we're going to keep this between us for the time being?" she asked.

"I think it's best," I said as I continued.

**~*~*~*~*~*~**

I held her hand as we drove. She was fidgeting in the car, "Are you nervous?" I asked before I brought her hand up to press my lips to her fingers.

"A little," she admitted.

"There's nothing to be nervous about." I said. I understood her nervousness though. She didn't know that this sort of thing used to be routine. I was excited about it actually. It felt so normal and right for me. "What are you nervous about?" I asked.

"I don't know. I guess I'm nervous that I'll slip and say the wrong thing; that the truth about us will come out somehow."

"I don't foresee that happening, but if it does it does. No worries." I reassured her. "Just be yourself. They already know you; this is just about you getting to know them again."

She nodded like she understood.

We were about fifteen minutes early. They seated us in a large booth in the back, big enough for six. Bella and I sat next to each other. She ordered a glass of wine and I ordered a Crown and Coke. Now that she was off the pain meds, I recommended she get the glass of wine to relax her a bit.

Bella wore a black cocktail dress. It showed off her shoulders and her curves. I sipped my drink, while staring at her. Her hair was down and she looked beautiful in the candlelight. I leaned in to whisper, "Have I told you how beautiful you look?"

I felt her body lean into mine and she whispered back, "No, you neglected to mention it."

At that moment I wished that Bella and I had decided to dine alone. I wanted to be out with her, to show her off. Prove that she was mine. I nuzzled her ear with my nose, "You're beautiful." I said before kissing around her ear.

Her hand that was resting on my knee seemed to get a firmer grip as I made circles around her neck, mesmerized by the goose bumps that seemed to follow my every move. I would have kissed her right there in the booth had it not been for Emmett.

"Well, well, well," he said as he sat. "What's going on with you two?" he asked as he scooted himself in sitting directly across from me.

"Hi Emmett, nice to see you again." Bella said as she moved away from me a bit.

"Nice to see you too," he glanced at me, then back to Bella. I took that opportunity to get a look at her face as well. She had the most ridiculous grin on her face I have ever seen. If the fact that I had my nose buried in her neck when he walked up wasn't enough, Bella's face was a dead giveaway.

She tried to hide it by looking down into her lap. "Nice try Bella." he said as he laughed.

She looked up at me, "I'm sorry, but this is your fault," she said. "If you hadn't been kissing my neck it wouldn't have been quite so obvious."

I leaned in so only she could hear, "I'll handle this, and you're right, it is my fault." I kissed her ear one more time before looking back at Emmett. "You were right, I was wrong. Don't tell Jasper and Alice, they don't know." He quirked an eyebrow because of the speed at which the words were spoken. "Where's Rosalie?" I asked as I took another drink.

"Damn dude. Did I say anything?" he asked.

"No," I said, "but I know it's coming."

"What's coming? You admitted I was right, so who gives a shit? What the two of you are doing is your own business. By the way Rosalie is in the bathroom. I do have one question though."

I looked at Bella who seemed curious as to what is question was.

"Go ahead," I said.

"How long has this been going on? I mean you guys have only been home for a week."

I laughed a little, "It's been going on for less than twenty four hours." I said.

He gave a short laugh as Rosalie arrived at the table. "Hi guys, sorry about that."

We talked and joked around for several minutes while we waited on Alice and Jasper.

When they arrived, fifteen minutes late, we ordered. I was surprised to find that Bella had yet to look at the menu. "Bella, do you know what you want? You haven't even looked at the menu."

"I'm going to have the sashimi tuna salad." She spoke to the waiter like she'd ordered it a hundred times before. What she didn't know was that she _had_ ordered it before. Every single time we'd ever eaten there.

After the waiter left I looked at her, "Okay, how did you remember that?" I asked.

"I've ordered it before haven't I?" she asked.

"That's your favorite salad."Alice said.

I told them the story about the coffee and the fact that Bella had remembered the security code to her lap top. "You don't remember other things?" Rosalie asked when I'd finished with the story.

"It's sort of weird." she said. "Sometimes I have flashes of things but I don't know if they're memories, or day dreams, or thoughts, or I don't know."

"You do?" I asked, shocked.

"Mmmhmm," she said as she took a sip of wine.

"Well Bella," I began. "Don't you think it might help if you let me in on those thoughts? I might be able to tell you if they are actual memories or not."

"Well it just started today," she said. "The next time I have one, I'll be sure and let you know."

The two of us performed beautifully for everyone else. All through dinner, it felt like old times. The only difference between then and now was the fact that I had to suppress the urge to lean over and kiss Bella every chance I got.

After we'd eaten and ordered dessert the ladies got up to use the restroom. I swear I will never understand a woman's need to go to the bathroom in herds.

It was a little awkward for a minute or so until Jasper broke the silence, "So you know Alice is going to kill you right?"

"Excuse me?" I asked hoping he hadn't figured it out.

"You're sleeping together, _aren't _you?"

I looked at Emmett who urged me on giving the _'go ahead and get it over with'_ nod. "We are," I said. "I couldn't help it Jasper. I am so in love with her, I can't see straight."

"Well, that's obvious. But are you not worried about what is going to happen when this ends?"

"I was," I admitted. "But now," I thought for a moment, trying to find a reason to be worried. "Now I'm not, I don't really care what happens. I mean what if this is my chance to start over with Bella and I don't take it because I'm afraid of what is going to happen in the end?"

He nodded like he understood. "Well what are you going to do if she's in there with Alice and Rose telling them all about it?"

I shrugged my shoulders, "If she is, she is." I said. "But I highly doubt it, Bella and I agreed to keep it between us for now."

Emmett laughed, "Yeah, and look how well that worked out? You've been out with us for two hours and already half of us know about it."

Rosalie and Alice didn't seem to be the wiser when they got back from the bathroom. Bella had obviously been able to keep it under wraps.

We stood outside next to my car for a good thirty minutes joking around and talking. Bella stood next to me the whole time. Again, I had to resist the urge to put my arm around her and bring her in close. I found myself jealous of my brother and Jasper who were either holding hands or hugging on their spouses the entire time.

I didn't know how many more times I would be able to go out like this and ignore it.

"So what did you and the girls talk about in the bathroom?" I asked once we were back in the car.

"Jesus Edward, why don't you just come out and ask me?"

"Ask you what?"

"Ask me if I told the girls about you and I sleeping together."

"Well did you?" I asked.

"No. They just asked me how things were going. If you were treating me well, you know that sort of thing."

"Oh, well you should know that Jasper knows about us. He can't keep a secret so it's just a matter of time before Alice knows. I wouldn't be surprised if she calls tomorrow to find out if it's true or not."

She laughed, "Okay, I'll be prepared for that then."

"So tell me about the memories you think you've been having." I said once it grew quiet again.

"Well, like I said. I'm not sure they are memories. But I can see the two of us on a motorcycle together, near a lake or something." I laughed, as I remembered the day she was referring to. "What's so funny? Is that an actual memory do you think?"

"It sure sounds like one to me," I said. "When we're at your physical therapy on Tuesday we can ask Jacob if it might be okay for you to ride with me again."

"Ride with you?" she asked.

"Yeah, I have a Harley. You used to love it; I'll take you out and show the place you are thinking about."

"Okay," she said with excitement. "Well I have another question."

"Go ahead," I said.

"Do I have a wedding ring? I mean I have looked for it all over the house and haven't been able to find it."

"You have one. I've got it; you were wearing it the day of the accident. Alice said you were going to give it back to me."

"Oh," she said crestfallen.

"I'll show it to you when we get back to the house."

When we got home and made it inside I sat her down on the sofa. "Hold on," I said. "I'll go get it."

I sat down next to her, and was suddenly nervous. I was going to give it back to her and I wanted her to understand that it was hers forever. "Did you get it?" she asked when I didn't say anything.

I nodded and I turned to face her, "First tell me why you asked about it. Is there a reason, or are you just curious?"

"Well I _am_ curious but I can also see us at a little restaurant," she wrinkled her nose like she was trying to recall a memory. "It looks like a little Italian place. I think you gave it to me there."

I couldn't help the knot that formed in my throat. "Bella I proposed to you there." I said.

"Really?" she asked excitedly throwing her arms around my neck. "I don't know why I'm so excited. I mean I can't remember what you said or anything but I can remember you pulling the box out of your pocket."

Once again, I pulled the ring out of my pocket. I pushed her off of me long enough to show it to her. "Here it is." I said.

"That's it!" I watched a tear spill out on to her cheek. "That's the ring I see in my memory."

I wiped it with my thumb, "Bella, Alice told me you were going to give it back. But regardless of what happens, it's yours. I don't want it back; I gave it to you as a symbol of my love for you." I slid it back on her finger where it belonged. "It's yours to keep, no matter what."

She looked down at it, then back at me. "Thank you." she said. "You don't know how good it feels to know things are starting to come back."

Bella leaned in and kissed me, I let her lead this time. The kiss wasn't frenzied or rushed. I felt overwhelmed. "Let's go to the bedroom," I suggested as she started unbuttoning my shirt.

By the time we made it to the bed, she had successfully removed me from my shirt and was making quick work of my belt. I unzipped her dress from the back, watching it as it slid down her body. I walked her back until her knees hit the edge of the bed.

I watched as she sat and scooted herself to the middle. This wasn't going to be like last night, I wasn't just going to have sex with her. I was going to make love to her. I started at her ankles, kissing and massaging my way up.

I removed her panties and kissed her swollen clit once, watching a smile spread across her face as I did so. She may have wanted my mouth there, but that would have to wait. I wanted to be inside of her.

I kissed up further sitting up only to remove my pants and boxers. Bella's tongue was perfection. "You haven't forgotten how to kiss." I joked.

She laughed as I continued with her neck moving to that spot on her collar bone. I listened as she groaned appreciatively and smiled with pride against her skin. Bella reached between us and grabbed hold of my erection, sliding it over her entrance, teasing us both. "Oh God Bella, you have no idea how good that feels." I said as I rested my forehead against hers.

I could feel her clit, and heard her groan as she grazed over it. Then I would groan as she moved it back down to her entrance. I wasn't sure how much more I could take. I didn't move my hips; I let her be in control. She couldn't be on top, so I simply waited and resisted the urge to push into her.

I moved back to her mouth and sucked gently on her lip, "Please Bella," I begged as I kissed her. "I want you; I _need_ to be inside of you." It was the only way I could feel whole. It was true, I felt closest to her when I was inside of her. We were connected, and inseparable I could put the entire mess of our relationship out of my mind when we were together like this.

"Go ahead Edward," she whispered.

I resisted the need to plunge in hard and fast. I entered her slowly, inch by agonizing inch, enjoying the heat and the wetness. As I began to move another urge crept up, I wanted to tell her how much I loved her. That I would do whatever it took to keep her like this.

_I love you._ I thought. _Please let this all be a bad dream. Let me wake up tomorrow and find you next to me the way you were before. I can't handle all of this, it's too much. _

"Harder Edward," she begged as she moved her hips, trying to get me to go harder.

I slammed in and she yelped in pleasure, "God you feel so fucking good." I panted as I worked myself into a frenzied mess.

"God yes!" she shouted. "Harder, just like that!"

She pulled at my neck with her hands bringing me back down to her mouth. "You're amazing," she said. Her eyes sealed themselves shut as I hit a particularly sensitive spot. "Yes, right there." Bella bit down on my lip. "Almost, almost, almost." She sounded like she was begging for me to make her come.

"Come on Bella, come for me baby."I said as my balls grew tight with the need to release. I sat up on my knees grabbing hold of one of her hips to steady her as I rubbed my thumb over her clit.

One swirl of my thumb was all it took, "Fuck yes!" she hollered.

Bella's back arched up off of the bed as I felt her walls contract around me, her orgasm triggering my own. I thrust hard three more times as I surged inside of her.

I stayed inside of her while sitting on my knees. Rubbing over her legs and hips, letting us both come down from it.

"That was incredible." she said with a smile.

"I aim to please," I joked as I pulled out and lay down beside her.

I pulled her to me and let her rest her head on my chest. "Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"What happened? Tell me, I want to know."

I didn't want to hold back anymore I couldn't, "I'm not really sure."I began. "About a year ago, things changed. You were gone all of the time on one book tour or another. It started to feel like a marriage of convenience."

"_Was_ it a marriage of convenience or did it just feel that way to you?" she asked.

"It wasn't that way in the beginning," I said. "Slowly but surely all we talked about was work. Your new books, your book tours, my editing your books, it was always something."

I felt her sit up so she could look at me, "Was it all my fault?" she asked.

"No." I said sternly. "I think we both let it go too far. We stopped taking time for us, and when I finally approached you about it, you were already gone." I was shocked by my words.

I had waited too long to go to her and tell her that I needed her. I had known that being her editor long term was a bad idea. "I should have stopped." I said the words out loud without knowing it.

"What?" she asked confused.

I looked at her when I realized I'd spoken, "I should have stopped being your editor when it started affecting our relationship." I took a deep breath, "I should have told you how distant you felt instead of just hoping you would come back."

"Why didn't you?" she asked.

"I don't know. I guess I just kept waiting for it to change and when it didn't I started to resent the fact that you were always working. When I tried to talk to you about it you thought I was asking you to stop writing. You hated me for that. You said it was your one true love, the thing you were destined to do."

"_Were_ you asking me to stop writing?"

"I didn't think I was, but now that we're talking about it I think I would have been happy if you would have taken some time off."

"Is that why we don't have any children, because I wouldn't stop long enough to get pregnant?"

"We never brought it up; we were always so busy with work that it never crossed our minds." I realized then that I was speaking for her too. The truth was I didn't know how she felt about the children issue. We had talked about having a family shortly after we got married but neither of us brought it up again, so it just stayed on the back burner. I sat up and looked down at her, "See, this is why I was hesitant to tell you what happened. To tell you the truth Bella I don't know how you feel about children. We talked about it a month or so after we got married, but that's it."

"Do you want to know how I feel about it now?" she asked.

"Sure," I said.

"I'd love to have some. When I was younger I used to say that I wanted three kids."

I was shocked, "Are you kidding me? In four years of marriage you have never said anything like that to me."

"Maybe you should have asked."

Maybe she was right. Maybe I should have paid more attention to the signs that things were slipping. I lie back down and let her rest her head on my chest again. I didn't want to talk about it anymore tonight. I just wanted to hold her, enjoy what precious time I had with her, however long that might be.

"Edward?"

"What baby?" I asked as I held her.

"Do you still have the divorce papers?"

My heart stopped, "Yes. Why?"

"I want to see them, not right now but in the morning."

"Why? Do you want to sign them?" I chuckled a little to let her know that I was making a bad joke.

She slapped my chest, "Edward," she scolded, "that's a horrible joke. _No_ I don't want to sign them. I just think that if I see them that our divorce will become more real to me, that maybe I'll realize that when this is all over, you and I will be over too."

I squeezed her to me, "I don't want it to be over," I said. I took a deep breath preparing to tell her that I was still so crazy for her that it almost hurt to breathe but stopped myself.

"You don't?" she asked.

"I don't." I kissed her forehead, "I will give you anything you want. If I'm what you want then you can have me. If I'm not," I paused, "well then, I guess we'll go ahead and sign them."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," she said.

_Thank God._

These kinds of conversations made me tired.

"But I still want to see the papers." she said as she kissed my chest.

"Okay," I said as her breathing leveled out.

I spoke several minutes later when I was sure she was sleeping.

"I love you. I never stopped, I'm sorry I let it go so far without saying anything."

I couldn't believe the revelation I'd had. I had gone months and months without telling her how I felt. I laid there growing more and more pissed off at myself. Then it changed, I got pissed off at her too.

We were both guilty. Either one of us could have said something, but for one reason or another, chose not to. There were two reasons that Bella might have kept it to herself. Either she didn't realize we were slipping, or she was too proud to say anything. If I knew Bella, I'd say it was pride.

I couldn't for the life of me figure out why _I_ hadn't said anything though. I wasn't too proud, and I definitely realized we were drowning.

"Why didn't you say something before it was too late?" I asked out loud.

* * *

**Whew, that was a tough one. I don't know why but I had the worst case of writers block with it. **

**You should know that if it weren't for MaryV121, this chapter still wouldn't be finished. So many hugs and thanks to her for pushing me when I didn't really want to be pushed. **

**Want a hot lemon next chapter? You know what to do…. Leave me a review. Haha that rhymed. **

**It's freaking late, I need to go to bed. See I'm just babbling…**


	10. Chapter 10

**Jeez it seems like it's been forever!! Thank you all so much for being patient with me, life got in the way. **

**Thanks so much for each and every review, I really appreciate it. I tried to respond to most of you, my apologies if I didn't get to you. **

**Much love to MaryV121 for getting this out to me on such short notice, she's awesome!!**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight…**

* * *

I drifted off to sleep, finally. It seemed to take forever, thoughts of how to deal with this situation and what had gone wrong kept me awake.

I woke hours later to find it still dark out. I rolled towards her side of the bed, searching, she wasn't there. I sat up still groggy rubbing my palms over my eyes, and looked toward the alarm clock.

_3:32 a.m. Damn._

I worried slightly as to why she wasn't in bed; I leaned toward the bathroom to check. She wasn't there. I got up, throwing on my boxers and heading down the hall. I went to the kitchen first, grabbing a bottle of water out of the fridge.

I finally found her in her office, sitting on the floor looking through our wedding photos. "Bella?" I questioned when I saw her.

She looked up at me through tear filled eyes. "Hey," she said voice thick with tears.

"Baby, what's wrong?" I asked as I sat down on the floor beside her. I pulled her to me and she gripped my neck tightly as another sob ripped through her.

"I remember this day."

"Our wedding day?" I asked shocked.

"Yes, I remember everything about it, the way I looked, the way you looked, our guests, the food, the music, everything."

"That's great babe," I was sort of confused. I couldn't understand why she was crying the way she was. I mean a few tears sure, but she was sobbing. "Bella, what is it? Tell me." I begged.

She pulled away slightly and my thumbs wiped away the tears on her cheeks. "Edward, I have to tell you something. I don't want you to feel pressure to say it back, but _I _have to say it." She took a deep breath and wiped her eyes with her fingers trying to get it together.

"It's okay, whatever it is, it's okay."

She held my face and looked into my eyes, "Edward, I love you."

I shook my head slightly trying to make sure I'd heard her right, "I'm sorry, what was that?"

She smiled and said it again, "I, love, you." She paused between each word to make sure I got it.

In a movement that was so quick I didn't even realize what I'd done; I was on top of her. "Oh Bella," I said between kisses, "I love you too." The kiss was not frenzied or rushed, it was slow and familiar.

We laid there on the floor, kissing, tasting, and pulling at each other's lips. It felt good to say it, to finally tell her how I felt. But it felt even better to hear it, "I never stopped loving you," I said. "I've missed you so much it hurts." I made a path with my lips down her jaw to the tender skin below her ear.

I continued with her neck, "Is that why you were crying? Because, you wanted to tell me you loved me?" I asked.

"Well," she began I stopped and looked at her, she was choosing her words carefully. "That's part of the reason," she pushed on me so I would sit up. She turned her body reaching for something behind her, "I found this in my desk drawer."

Bella held a long slender box out to me and my eyes widened in response. I reached for it, shocked that it had been sitting in here unopened for nearly four months.

It was the gift I had tried to give her the night of our last wedding anniversary. Bella had been too busy in her quest to finish her latest chapter to worry about it. She had been almost cruel to me that night, pushing me aside to finish her work instead.

That night was the night I decided it was over. I had walked out of her office, leaving her to her work and leaving the gift on her desk. It was the night I started sleeping in the guest bedroom.

Bella cupped my face reminding me that I wasn't alone in the room. "I'm sorry Edward." she said.

I stood up and backed away from her. I realized then that she knew what she'd done. She remembered _that _particular night as well. I ran my fingers through my hair trying to figure out what to say.

"Edward," she sighed. "Say something."

"Just give me a minute Bella," I said. "I'm not exactly sure what to say here." I paced the room.

She started to get up, I tried to help her, and she pushed me away. "Don't touch me Edward." she said. "I just apologized to you and you can't think of anything to say. It's pretty clear how you feel about the situation." She started to limp out of the room.

I stopped her, "Bella, listen to me. This is a lot for me to comprehend. What do you want me to say? You're forgiven? It's okay? What?" I asked letting my anger sink in.

"I don't know but just sitting there sure as hell isn't the thing to do." She pushed me out of the way as she made it down the hall. "You know Edward? There are a few things you don't know about that night."

"What the hell are you talking about?" I asked skeptical.

"When if finished working that night, I planned on apologizing to you." She was sitting on the edge of the bed when I made it to our bedroom. "I came in here looking for you." I watched her cover her eyes with her palms. "I knew I'd made a mistake, I wanted to make it right."

I stood there stunned. "Bella, are you sure?" I asked.

She shot me an angry glare, "Yes I'm sure! What you think I dreamt it? I can see myself walking in here and looking for you. I searched the whole house; I even went to the garage to see if you had left."

"Well you didn't look hard enough," I said angrily. "I was sleeping in the guest bedroom."

"I know that asshole!"

I had to physically hold the smile back. I'm not sure why but her calling me an _asshole _sounded funny to me.

"I was getting to that part! You didn't let me finish!" She looked up at me then, apparently I didn't have the smile as hidden as I thought I did. "Do you think this is funny?!"

"No," she lifted an eyebrow questioning the look on my face. "Well maybe a little, you called me an asshole. That's funny Bella."

"Get out!" she yelled.

I was shocked; I was simply trying to lighten the mood. She took it personally. I moved toward her, "Oh baby, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…"

"Please, just leave me alone for a moment." she cried.

"Bella," I said as I went to sit next to her on the bed.

"Please Edward, just give me a few minutes alone." I tilted her chin forcing her to look at me. She didn't say anything; I saw nothing but anguish on her face.

"Okay," I said, as I kissed her temple and got up.

I blew her a gentile kiss as I shut the door behind me.

I slumped down on the sofa, glancing at the clock as I did so. It was 3:48 a.m. I decided I would give her until 4:00 a.m. before going back in.

I sat there for five minutes going over what I wanted to say, what I _needed_ to say to clear the air. I realized then that I needed some help. "Emmett." I said out loud, no that wouldn't work; I needed a female someone who knew Bella like I did. Alice.

I grabbed my cell phone from the kitchen holding it my hand re-thinking what I was about to do. I was going to have to come clean and tell her that we were sleeping together, if Jasper hadn't told her already. "She's going to find out sooner or later," I muttered to myself as I hit the speed dial button.

It rang a few times before a sleeping Alice answered, "Hello?"

"Alice, it's Edward."

"Edward!" she said suddenly awake. "What's wrong? Is Bella okay?"

"Yes, yes she's fine. I just need to talk to you."

She chuckled slightly, "I was wondering when you were going to call me."

"Why?" I asked.

"Jasper told me you guys are back together so to speak. I knew it was just a matter of time before either you or Bella called for help."

I apologized before I said anything else. I knew I had told everyone that I would be careful and I hadn't been. I had allowed this to happen, egged it on even.

"It's okay Edward," she said a little irritated. "Jasper told me that you are crazy about her, to be honest I'm more worried about what is going to happen to you when this is over. She's not going to be happy about this."

"Alice, there is no way you can know that. What exactly did she tell you about the divorce before the accident?" I asked curiously. Now that I had her on the phone I wanted details, anything that I didn't know before, I felt like I needed to know now.

"Bella started telling me that things were going south around Christmas. She said that you wanted her to quit writing, that you were overbearing, and needy."

I felt a familiar anger well up inside me, "She said I wanted her to quit writing?" I asked with a little more venom than necessary.

"Hey get a grip!" she shouted back. "Bella never said that you asked her to stop just that she thought you wanted her to. Did you want her to stop writing Edward?"

"No." I took a calming breath, "I just wanted us to find balance. Something I know now that I didn't know then is that being her editor hurt us. It made it too easy for us to talk about work and only about work."

"What else did she say?" I asked once we got quiet.

"She said that your moving out shocked her a little bit. That she came home and you had already moved out. But she didn't act upset about it, she sounded more relieved than anything."

I sat there for a moment pondering.

"Edward, is this why you called? Or did something happen to make you call me at nearly 4:00 in the morning?"

"Something happened." I stated.

"Well… do you want to tell me what it was?"

I told her everything that had happened since we got home. About her ring, the way we'd made love, and talked about the divorce. Then finally how I'd found her sitting on the floor in her office. It didn't surprise me that Alice knew nothing of what had gone on the night of our last anniversary. Bella had kept all of the things that made her look bad to herself. She was perfectly content to let Alice believe I had caused it all. This angered me a little but I pushed it aside.

I took a deep breath when I finished, and waited for Alice to tell me what to do.

"Wow!" she said with some excitement. "She told you she loves you?"

"Yup," I couldn't hide the smile that I knew was obvious in my voice. "So what should I do?"

"Well you can start by apologizing for laughing at the situation. She was obviously upset and you laughing just made it worse."

"Thanks Alice, I knew that much." I said sarcastically. "I need actual help here, I don't know how to handle this. Her memory is slowly but surely coming back. I don't know what I'm supposed to do." I felt desperate.

"Okay, okay, just talk to her. Tell her anything she asks about and be honest. Lying to her now will only make the situation worse. It's obvious she's trying to piece it back together, help her."

It sounded simple and obvious to me now.

"Tell her how you feel now, how you felt then. By the way that reminds me… have you told her about your little girlfriend?"

My heart sunk to my feet, I knew it was coming. "No." I said. "I haven't felt like the time was right."

"Well Edward, when exactly do you think the time will be right? It's not going to get any easier, in fact the longer you wait the harder it's going to be. I don't recommend telling her tonight, but you should do it as soon as possible."

"Alice, swear to me you won't tell her." I begged. "I want it to come from me, not anyone else."

"I won't tell her as long as you promise me that _you_ will." We were both quiet for a moment, "What kind of best friend would I be if I know about this and don't say anything?"

"I know," I said. I understood; if I ever saw Rosalie or Alice cheating on Emmett or Jasper I would be the first to tell them. Bella had a right to know. "I promise I will tell her, just give me some time."

"Okay," she sighed. "I'm going to let you go, it's almost 4:30 Charlie will be awake in an hour and a half. Just go talk to her, you can get through this."

"Alright," I said. "Thanks Alice, I'm sorry for waking you."

"No problem, don't ever hesitated to call me."

We hung up and I sat there for a minute more before heading to the bedroom. I opened the door quietly, the lights were off and it looked like Bella was sleeping, "Bella," I whispered to check.

She rolled over to face the door, "What?" she whispered.

I sat next to her on the bed, letting my hand rest on her hip, "I'm sorry baby, I shouldn't have laughed." I leaned down and let my lips brush her cheek, "I know this is hard, it's hard for me too."

She tugged at my arm trying to get me closer, "Edward, I know this is my fault."

"Bella," I shook my head trying to deny it. "It can't all be your fault, it takes two to tango."

She pressed her delicate fingers to my lips, "Let me finish," she said. "I forgot our anniversary, and to make things worse when you tried to remind me, I brushed you off."

I sat there for a minute trying to swallow the knot in my throat. She was right, I had tried to mend it and she had brushed it off.

"When I found you in the guest bedroom I should have gone in there, woken you up, kissed you, made love to you, anything. But I didn't, I was stubborn and calloused," she stopped and a few tears spilled out onto her cheeks. "I love you and I'm sorry."

She sat up and I held her close letting relief sweep through me. This is all I had wanted before; I wanted her to acknowledge that I existed, to tell me she **l**oved me. "Bella," I kissed her, letting it deepen quickly. "I love you, God, I love you."

In a flurry of movements I was inside of her. I collapsed on top of her when we were finished, loving the way she held me to her breast. "Damn woman!" I exclaimed as I peppered kisses on her dampened skin. "Are you trying to kill me or what?" I teased.

"Hey," she laughed, "I didn't start it this time that was all you."

I lifted my head up to get a look at her face, "I love you," I kissed her lips gently, "so much." I said.

She hummed in content and her eyes fluttered shut, "Wait, don't you want to open the gift?" I reminded her before she drifted off.

"Oh," she sounded like she'd forgotten, "yes, I almost forgot."

I got up and grabbed the gift from her office making a quick trip to the kitchen to get her journal. I thought that the gift inside would go well with the journal.

I sat down beside her on the bed, handing her the slender box first. "Here, open it." I said with a smile.

She tore off the paper and smiled when the outside box didn't reveal much. She continued and I watched her face carefully waiting for her reaction. I wasn't sure if the gift would have as much meaning to her now that she wasn't writing.

She opened it and her breathe caught in her throat, "Edward," she whispered, as her fingers touched the mother of pearl end of the delicate pen.

"Do you like it?" I asked. "It's a special edition Mont Blanc Ingrid Bergman pen." I reached inside the box pulling it out, "It has an amethyst stone on the end of the clip."

"It's beautiful Edward," she leaned in and kissed me gently.

"And," I reached behind me grabbing the journal, "I know you've already seen this but you haven't seen what's written in it."

She smiled and took the journal opening it to the first page, I watched her eyes well up as she read the words. "Edward, thank you." She dabbed her eyes, "I love them both, I feel bad I don't have anything to give you."

"Here I'll make a deal with you, let's say you don't leave me when this is all over and we'll call it even. Okay?"

She laughed, "Edward, stop that. I am not going to leave you."

"You can't possibly know that," I began. "You don't know how you're going to feel."

She held my face with her palms, "Listen to me," she said. "I can't explain it, but I just know this is all going to work out. If it will make you happy I will destroy the divorce papers right now. We can move all of your things back in tomorrow if you'd like."

"No, no," I laughed, "let's not get ahead of ourselves."

We finally fell asleep at about 6:00 and slept we slept until 11:00.

"What do you want to do today?" I asked when we finally made it out of the shower.

"Well first I want to get a look at those papers, then I want to go out to lunch."

I hesitated eyeing her carefully, "Why are you so adamant about seeing the divorce papers?"

She didn't say anything, so I walked to her wrapping my arms around her waist. "Tell me Bella."

"I just want to see them," she said.

"That's not going to do Bella, I want to know what has you so curious."

"Okay, it's just that I don't understand your need to hang onto them especially now that I've told you I love you." She took a deep breath and continued, "I simply want to see them, I think it might shed some light on things."

I kissed her once giving in and took her to the kitchen. I grabbed my laptop case and pulled the papers out. I sat down next to her and handed her the envelope. "Here they are," I said.

She opened it carefully, pulling them out. The first things she saw were the tagged pages indicating the need for our signatures. "So all it would take to make this final is a simple signature?" she asked.

"That's it," I said simply. "One signature and you can be rid of me." I joked.

She pushed at me, "That's not funny Edward; I don't want to be rid of you."

"I was just kidding baby," I kissed the side of her head. "Here let's put the papers away and go get some lunch."

"Who said I was done looking at them?" she asked with a cocky grin on her face.

"Oh," I said confused. "Well aren't you?"

"No, I want to read through them."

I rolled my eyes at her and got up, "I'll be in the living room, let me know when you're done." I was slightly irritated; I didn't want to sit there while she went over every detail of our divorce.

Five minutes later I felt two warm arms circle around my neck from behind the couch. "I'm done, are you ready to go get something to eat."

My irritation melted away, "Well it's about time," I said. "Find anything interesting in there?"

"Nope," she said as she pulled me to the door.

I held her hand as we drove, "I think I'd like to take you to the deli where we had our first date, if that's okay with you."

"Sounds good to me," she said.

We ordered our food and I took her to the exact booth that we sat at that night. "So what did we talk about on our first date?" she asked.

"Oh you know, it was typical first date conversation. How many brothers and sisters do you have? Where'd you go to college? That sort of thing," I said as I sipped my drink.

"So did you know right away that you wanted to marry me?" she asked.

"I think I did," I answered honestly. "I knew I'd never met anyone like you." I couldn't help it the look on her face was so adorable I had to lean across the table and kiss her. "You were so cute that night, you got jealous of the girl that took our order and gave her a dirty look."

"I did not!" she almost shouted.

"Yes you did. Why would I make something like that up?" I asked with my cocky grin in place.

When our food came we ate in comfortable silence, "So," she began, "is your apartment far from here?"

"It's about ten minutes away," I said. "Why?"

"I would like to see it."

About a million thoughts ran through my head. I wasn't sure I wanted Bella to see it. That life seemed far away now. Not to mention the thought of running into Tanya while we were there. It made me nervous.

"I don't know about that Bella, are you sure you want to see it?" I asked hoping she would change her mind.

"Sure," she said in a chipper voice. "Why wouldn't I want to see it?"

"Okay," I said. "We can go there when we finish here."

As we drove to my apartment I reminded myself that Tanya would be at work and pushed the thought out of my head. It didn't stop me from looking around the parking garage for her car when we got there. It looked all clear so we headed inside. "When we come back out I'll show you my bike. The keys are inside." I said as I held the door for her.

I showed Bella around, it was a nice place. And under different circumstances I wouldn't have minded living here.

She walked through my apartment slowly, taking it in, letting it become real for her. "How did you feel?" she asked. "I mean while you were still living here, how did you feel?"

I answered quickly and honestly, "Lonely," I said.

She moved toward the island and pushed herself up with her wrists, sitting on the edge. "Come here," she motioned for me to stand between her legs.

I complied, and smiled as her hands wound themselves around my waist. "I'm sorry you felt lonely, while living here." She pulled my face to hers, kissing me. "Let me make a new memory for you here."

I felt myself grow hard instantly because of her words, "Bella," I sighed. Unsure of what to say, I didn't know how I felt about having sex with Bella here after I'd done it with someone else in the same place. It felt odd.

She must have felt my hesitation, "Don't over think this Edward. You think way too much." She grinned and laid herself back on the counter, pulling me closer with her feet that were still dangled over the edge.

I ran my hands up and down her legs, watching as her eyes fell shut. I leaned over and raised her tank top up so I could kiss her belly button. Her skin tightened in goose bumps. "Let me help you get to where you're going." She moved my face out of the way and unbuttoned her shorts. "Take them off," she said.

I laughed a little, "You're impatient," I said as I pulled her shorts down over her legs letting them fall to the floor. I leaned over her, starting at her neck and kissing my way down.

I sat up only long enough to lift her top up over her head. I took my time, teasing her. She surprised me by pressing the palm of her hand to my head and pushing down, letting go when my face was in line with her sex. "Stay down there," she said.

"Yes ma'am," I said jokingly as I kissed her inner thighs while pulling her panties off. I spread her with my fingers and kissed her sensitive flesh once before giving one long slow lick, all the way from her entrance to her clit.

I watched her face while I did it again. "Does that feel good baby?" I asked even though I already knew the answer.

"Yes," she whispered, "don't stop."

I draped her legs over my shoulders, letting my nose run circles around her clit. I loved how wet she was, how swollen, it only proved she wanted me just as much as I wanted her. I found a rhythm licking her slowly. "Mmm you taste good." I said as I continued. I sucked her clit gently, nibbling my way down to her entrance where I plunged my tongue inside.

I felt her squirming beneath me, begging me with her body for release. "Yes Edward," she whispered as her fingers threaded through my hair pulling me closer.

I curled my fingers inside of her and that was her undoing, "Oh my God! Fuck!" she hollered.

I smiled as she came and continued licking until she sat up. She pulled at my face and forced her tongue into my mouth. She undid my belt quickly, forcing my jeans to the floor next to her shorts.

I hissed through my teeth when she gripped my erection, "Fuck me Edward," she said into my mouth.

"Gladly," I said as I pulled her body to the edge of the counter. I let her line me up at her entrance before plunging forward. She yelped when I hit the back of her, "God you feel so good." I said as I started to move in her.

"I want to ride you," she said.

I continued moving in her hard and fast, "I don't think you should, it's too soon."

"Scoot back," I did as I was told and scooted myself back from her slightly. She moved herself even closer to the edge. "Be still," she instructed.

I watched her work her hips on my body. The urge to thrust was almost too much to bear. I held onto her, hips guiding her movements. Making her go harder and faster, "Oh God Bella!" I shouted.

"Don't move," she said with a smirk when I began thrusting.

"Please baby," I begged.

"No, not yet," her breathing was erratic, coming in hard heavy gasps.

I held still for a few more minutes before I pushed her back, "I can't take it anymore!" I grabbed her hips roughly forcing myself deep.

Bella's hand reached between us finding her clit, "That's right baby," I groaned. "Let go, Bella, come for me."

I lifted her legs up to rest against my chest, kissing and nipping at her ankle, her toes curled and I felt her clench down around me. "Fuck, I can feel you coming baby." I said as I thrust a few more times before emptying myself inside of her.

I put her legs down and let my body come to rest on top of hers, "I love you." I said as I kissed her.

"There," she said. "Did that make it less lonely for you here?"

I laughed out loud as I sat up, "Yes, I think it did." I said.

I leaned down to pull my jeans up, as she searched the kitchen for her clothes. "Umm, where are my panties?" she asked.

I looked around the room and finally found them on the couch. "Hmm," I said. "I don't remember throwing them but I guess I did."

She laughed when I handed them to her.

"Come on," I said. "Let's take a look at my bike then we can head home."

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**Okay I know that wasn't my best work, but I promised a chapter today and now you've got it. **

**Leave me some love and review :o)**


	11. Chapter 11

**This chapter was basically co-written by my original co-author. So snaps to her *** big hug***big kiss***. This idea was actually hers originally I felt it only appropriate for her to have a hand in writing it. **

**Also thanks to MaryV121 for giving this a read before posting.**

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I grabbed the keys to my bike before locking the door and heading down the hall. She looked nervous, "Are you nervous about something?" I asked.

"No, not really, I mean," she stuttered.

I stopped and made her look at me, "What is it?"

"I don't want to ride on the motorcycle." she said.

I chuckled a little, "Baby, you don't have to. As a matter of fact I don't think it's a good idea until your knee has had a little bit more time to heal."

"Oh," she said. "I thought you wanted to take me out on it."

"I do, but not until you're ready."

I took her by the hand and we headed out into the garage, I uncovered the bike and sat down on it. "Wow," she said.

"What?" I asked with my cocky grin. I knew what she was thinking.

"You look sexy as hell on that thing."

_Gotcha!_

"Thanks," I put the key into the ignition and started it. The sound roared through the parking garage.

"It's loud!" she yelled.

"It's because we're in the garage," I cut the engine and stood up. "You used to love riding with me."

"I know you mentioned that, but I'm still nervous about it."

"You felt the same way the first time I took you out on it." I grabbed her wrist to make her stand next to me. "Do you think you might want to try it again when your knee gets a little better?" I asked.

"Maybe," she said.

"I'll tell you the story of what happened the last time I was on it with you if you do." I said seductively trying to hint at what had gone on.

"You don't play fair," she said pulling away.

I grabbed her around the waist, "Oh no you don't," I kissed the shell of her ear, and tugged on her earlobe with my teeth. "You'll like it, I promise."

She leaned against me and the bike, "Like I said," she whispered, "you don't play fair."

"I never said I did," I leaned down to kiss her.

We were quiet on the way home. She leaned her head back on the headrest and closed her eyes. A content smile pulled at her lips. I lifted her hand to my own and gave her a chaste kiss. I was overwhelmed by her, and the way I felt. And yet something still pulled at me, I knew Alice had been right. "_It won't get any easier Edward."_ Her words played themselves over and over in my head.

I started trying to think of ways to come clean. There was always the chance that she would understand why I'd done it. Of course there was always the chance that she wouldn't. That she would react with rage towards me. I couldn't blame her if she did; I only hoped that one day she would forgive me.

Now that I was with her like this I started thinking that maybe my fear of her not wanting me when her memory came back was ludicrous. She loved me, I knew she had been telling the truth when she said it. My fears had changed, now I was afraid to lose her for an entirely different reason.

That night after we'd made love and I was sure she was asleep. I practiced what I wanted to say to her, part of me wanted her to wake up and hear me and another part of me didn't. "Bella, I have to tell you something," I whispered.

I looked down at her to make sure she hadn't stirred. "After I moved out, I met someone." I swallowed the knot in my throat but still managed to continue. "We dated for about five weeks, and I broke it off the day of your accident."

It was strange and surreal but part of me felt some small relief that I had said it out loud in her presence. "I didn't realize until that day that I was still in love with you." I took a chance and kissed her forehead almost willing her to wake up. She didn't.

"I had sex with her, more than once in my apartment and in hers." I needed to tell her that Tanya had never compared to her, that she had merely been a warm body. Someone to fill a void but I stopped myself. I became fearful that she would wake at the wrong time and hear me.

I kissed her gently once more, "I know you can't hear me, but you have to understand that I love you, I never stopped." I held her even closer to me, like I was trying to hug it away. "I'm so sorry Bella."

God forbid she ever left me, I needed her like I needed oxygen, it hurt to breathe when she was gone.

I didn't sleep well; I tossed and turned nearly all night. Bella came back into the room around 9:30 to wake me up. "Hey sleepy head," she said as she ran her fingers through my hair.

I smiled gently and she leaned down to kiss me, "Hey," I said sleepily.

"I have to leave to go to my physical therapy in half an hour. Did you want to come with me, or would you rather sleep a little longer?"

I wanted to sleep longer but I didn't want her to have to go alone. She noticed my hesitation, "Edward, if you'd rather stay I can drive myself. I'm not on pain killers anymore, I'll be fine."

"I didn't sleep very well," I said. "I'm not sure why, I just couldn't get comfortable." I knew exactly why.

"Okay, you stay and sleep. I'll be back before you know it."

She kissed me one more time before getting up; I called for her as she left the room, "Bella,"

"Hmm?" She leaned back in.

"Ask Jacob if you can ride a motorcycle." I said with a grin.

She rolled her eyes at me before leaving the room, "I mean it," I hollered. "Don't make me call him when you get home to ask him myself. And tell that asshole to keep his hands to himself." I was only half way teasing about that last part. The thought of him or anyone else touching her, ever, pissed me off to my core. Even though I may or may not have had the right to feel that way, it didn't stop me.

I heard her laughing as she walked down the hall. I settled back into bed and sleep found me quickly this time.

I woke some time later with the weight of someone resting on my hips. "Wake up," her voice said sweetly before she gently kissed my lips.

"Mmm," I mumbled sleepily forcing my eyes open. I was shocked to find Bella straddling my hips, "Bella, what are you doing? You're going to hurt yourself." I said as I grabbed her hips in an attempt to move her.

She took this as a sign that I wanted something different and ground her body into mine. "Jake said I could do whatever I feel comfortable doing." She leaned down and kissed me again. "Right now, I feel very comfortable doing this." Again, she kissed me.

Her mouth opened as an invitation for me to enter. "Bella," I warned just before I slipped my tongue into her mouth.

I wanted to stop her but the feeling of having her over me like this was too much. I groaned into her mouth as my grasp on her hips tightened. I could feel her grinding herself over my cock creating delicious friction. She surprised me by moving her body down, kissing down my chest. Stopping only to circle my nipple with her tongue. "God, Bella that feels," I didn't finish my sentence.

She continued moving down. "Bella, you don't have to do that." I said.

She looked up at me through seductive eyes, "Let me do this for you, I want to." Well if she wanted to who was I to deny her? I chuckled inwardly at my inner teenager. I didn't say anymore, I let her kiss her way down my abdomen and felt my breath hitch when she hooked her fingers into the waistband of my boxers. She pulled them all the way down and off before settling between my legs.

I stopped breathing all together when her lips met the tip of my cock. "Bella," I could tell that I was barely audible.

She looked up at me through her eyelashes, "Hmmm?" she questioned.

I didn't speak anymore, I let her work on me. She sucked, nibbled, licked and kissed me all over. I was a writhing mess, groaning and panting like a dog. I fisted my hands in her hair and felt her groan around me. "Oh God, Bella, don't… don't stop baby…God please don't stop." I found myself begging her to continue.

I felt my balls twitch with the need to release, "Bella," I said in warning. "Bella I can't, ugh, I can't stop."

She let my erection fall out of her mouth, "Who's asking you to stop Edward?" she asked.

She was being a smart ass; I made a mental note to give her a good spanking when I was more coherent.

I felt the urge continue to rise up; until I could no longer control it, I thrust hard into her mouth. "Fuck, Bella, I'm coming. Oh God, yes," I hissed and groaned in my release.

She continued to work me until I couldn't take any more and had to force her to stop. She crawled up my body finally coming to rest on top of me. I was still panting when she laid her head on my chest. "I love you." She said.

"Christ Bella, there are no words." I said as I kissed the top of her hair. I tried to roll her over to return the favor but she wouldn't have it.

"No Edward," she began. "Just let me give this to you. You have given me so much it's the least I can do."

I hated that, I was such a shit. I didn't deserve her.

We kissed lazily for several minutes, speaking in whispers declarations of love. I had always loved moments like this with Bella. They had been few and far between for a long time.

We finally crawled out of the bed an hour or so later. "So since you can do whatever with that knee of yours now, do you think you might want to take a ride on the bike?" I asked as she sat on the bathroom counter, watching me shave.

I heard her breath hitch, and I snuck a glance at her and tried to hide my grin. Unsuccessfully I might add. She was nervous, that was ok she had been nervous the first time I took her out on it. I managed just fine that day and I could certainly manage today.

I wiped my face with a hand towel before going to stand between her legs and curling my arms around her waist. "You don't have to if you don't want to," I snuck a kiss to her exposed collar bone. "But I promise you're going to like it. Just give it a chance," I sucked gently on her neck just below her earlobe. Duress coercion, I know but it seemed to work.

"If you say so," she began. Her head tilted giving me easier access.

I kissed my way up her jaw and made it to her mouth, "Thank you," I sad just before my tongue slipped between her lips.

I left Bella at the house while I went to my apartment to retrieve my bike. I stopped at the local deli to grab a couple of sandwiches and other goodies before I headed back to get Bella.

I couldn't help the excitement that rose up. The prospect of having Bella ride behind me again, the feeling of her arms wrapped tightly around me, the way she would squeeze unnecessarily when I took a sharp turn. I smiled at the thought.

I opened the garage and there she was, standing there looking like she was about to throw up because of what was about to happen. I held back a chuckle and went to her, "If you're really that worried we don't have to do this." I said.

"No, no, I want to Edward, I'm just nervous."

I hugged her tightly, silently thanking her for giving me this. It had been the source of great enjoyment for us in the past. I knew she would see that if she just gave it a chance. "I grabbed lunch for us; we can eat when we get there."

"Sounds good," she said. "Don't tell me I have to wear a helmet." She scoffed.

I laughed, "Sorry honey, I never ride without it and that goes for you too." I handed her the smaller of the two and watched her pull it over her head and stuff her hair out of her face once it was on. "You look cute in that." I said.

"Very smooth Edward," she laughed from under her helmet.

I went to the bike and climbed on, "Ready?" I asked.

"I guess," she said as she climbed on.

I could feel her tuck her head into my back as much as the helmet would allow, just before her arms got a death grip on my waist.

I started it up, and we were off.

As expected Bella, grabbed me tighter every time we turned, it didn't seem to matter whether I took the turn sharp or not. It didn't take long to get where we were going. There was a secluded little cove out by the lake where we had been on many occasions. I killed the engine, and she hopped off. "I don't know why I was so worried, I loved that."

I laughed at her logic, "I told you," I said as I started unpacking lunch while she spread the blanket out on a grassy area.

"Well you're still gonna hold up to your end of the bargain there mister," she pointed a finger at me accusingly.

_What the fuck? _ I hadn't made any deals with her. Had I?

"Don't give me that look Edward," she began. "When we were in the garage at your apartment, you told me that you would tell me the story of what happened the last time we were on," she pointed to the bike, "that thing together."

_Oh that._ I walked up to her and set our lunches down, "I guess a deals a deal isn't it?" I kissed her softly once.

Bella reached behind me and pinched my butt, "You bet your ass it is." She said.

"Okay but can we have lunch first?" I sat down on the blanket and Bella followed.

We ate in comfortable silence for a few minutes, until Bella finally spoke, "Edward?"

"What baby?"

"I was thinking I want you to move back into the house."

I didn't say anything; I sat there pondering for a moment. Wondering how I should answer her. Bella brought me out of my haze by waving her hands in front of my face, "Edward, earth to Edward." She chanted.

"Sorry babe, I was just thinking that it's going to cost me a fortune to get out of that lease." I laughed.

She lunged at me, "Really?" she asked as she landed on top of me.

I couldn't say no now, and I knew I was going to pay for it later. "Really," I said.

I wanted to tell her right then and there about Tanya but so many things kept me from doing it. First of all we were in a public place, no one was around but still. I knew a knock down drag out fight was going to take place when I did tell her and I didn't want to have that here at the lake.

Bella sat on my hips, grinding herself into me. Her hair fell down around her shoulders creating a sheath around our faces. I groaned into her mouth, I felt a small amount of guilt at not telling her about Tanya sooner but now was definitely not the time.

My hands found her ass and pressed her more firmly against my erection. Eliciting a groan from Bella as well, "So are you going to tell me what happened the last time or not?" she teased.

"You asked for it," I sat up and lifted her with me letting her feet touch the ground once we were fully standing. I led her back over to the bike and sat down backwards so I was facing the back of the bike. I pulled her to me, and ran my hands over her abdomen. Watching her eyes lull shut because of the contact. "How much detail do you want Bella? Or maybe the more appropriate question is, how much detail can you handle?" I asked as I ran my tongue over her erect nipple through the material of her tank top.

"I want as much detail as you can remember Edward," she sighed as I bit down gently on her.

"Okay, come here." I pulled her to straddle the bike as well facing me. Once her legs were properly draped over mine, I kissed her. I couldn't help it, the kiss started slow and seductive and heated quickly. I kissed down her neck and whispered in her ear. "You've been in this position with me before. Do you remember?" I asked.

"No, not yet, keep going." she whispered.

"I pulled you onto the bike with me just like this," I began. She shuttered when my hands met the hem of her tank top. I toyed with the hem of her shorts as well, teasing her. She didn't know which way I was going to go.

"Make a decision Edward, up or down, I don't care just choose one." She breathed.

I laughed into her mouth and made my way up her shirt. Finding her nipples quickly and rolling both of them between my fingers. "I have to taste," I said as I leaned my head down and took one exposed nipple into my mouth.

Her hands fisted in my hair guiding me as I sucked gently. "What else Edward, keep going." She said through ragged breath.

I removed my mouth from her nipple and my hands meandered around the back of her thighs, I gave her butt a tight squeeze as I pulled her more firmly onto my straining erection. "I pulled you onto me like this," I said. "Then I reached a hand between us," I did exactly what I was saying. Finding her sex between us and rubbing gently over the annoying fabric.

"More," she begged as her hips started a slow motion against my hand.

I grinned at her eagerness and let my tongue slide with hers for a moment before pulling away to speak, "You couldn't take anymore so you unbuttoned your shorts."

She did just that, unbuttoning them quickly.

I reached inside and was shocked to find that she wasn't wearing any panties, "I'm shocked Bella," I said with mock horror.

She giggled, "Yeah well based on what you told me before about the "last time we were here together" I figured panties would just get in the way."

"God I fucking love you." I said. She was probably going to laugh when she found out that I wasn't wearing any underwear either.

I found her clit, rubbing the slick moisture around with my thumb. "God you feel so good," I groaned against her swollen lips.

She reached between us and worked on the button of my shorts, releasing me quickly, "I'm shocked Edward," she said mocking me.

She stroked me a few times before moving to the tip and swirling the moisture around. "I want you, right here, right now." I said as I plunged two fingers into her.

"Ah," she yelped. "How?" Bella was breathing heavily now, and barely got the word out.

"You're going to have to pull one leg out of your shorts; at least that's what you did last time."

She moved quickly, removing one leg from her shorts before settling back down on top of me. "Are you ready?" I asked.

"Yes, please," she said shakily.

I placed myself at her entrance and we moved in unison to get me sheathed inside her. It was the slowest form of torture that ever existed. We worked together reaching for release. I thrust inside her as hard as the position would allow.

"Oh God," I felt her walls start to flutter around me. "Harder Edward, yes."

"Are you gonna come?" I asked. She looked at me through heavy eyes, and nodded. "Tell me, ugh God, tell me when Bella. I want to come with you." I was ready to go any minute, as usual I was holding out for her.

"Touch me Edward,"

I reached between us finding her swollen clit and rubbed vigorously to get her there quicker, "God yes!" she shouted. "Oh, oh, I'm, I'm,"

I reached behind her to support her, brining her flush with my chest, and thrust as hard as I could up into her, I felt her clench me tightly, coming around me. "Oh God Bella, I can feel you baby," feeling Bella come because of me is just about as good as it gets.

Her orgasm triggered my own and I spilled myself inside of her, "Fuck," I hissed through clenched teeth. I thrust a few more times, before I stilled myself. She ran her fingers through my hair, pushing the stray hairs off of my forehead.

Bella continued to move ever so slightly, causing my sensitive cock to twitch inside of her. "God, that was amazing," she said. "Thanks for sharing it with me."

I looked up at her, "It's your memory too," I said. "One day you'll remember."

We were quiet on the way back to the house; I had to make a decision. I either needed to tell her now or just try to get away with not telling her at all. _No, no, that's the coward's way out_. I chastised myself for even thinking such a thing was possible.

I opened the garage door and pulled my motorcycle in, I sat there for a moment after cutting the engine. I didn't even realize Bella had gotten off until she spoke. "Edward is everything okay?" she asked.

I glanced up at her and laughed, "What's so funny?" she asked.

"Umm you might want to go take a look at your hair." I teased.

"Edward," she scoffed. "It's this stupid helmet, if you hadn't made me wear this damn thing my hair wouldn't look this way."

I stopped once I made it to the door and looked her dead in the eye, "You're right baby, if I hadn't made you wear that helmet your hair would look much worse."

She tried to slap me but I managed to get away from her before she could touch me.

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**Okay people, I can't thank you all enough for being patient with me while I work on finishing school. Almost done, YEA! **

**I still have no clue when the next update is coming, but I can tell you that there are five maybe six chapters left after this one, so we're on the home stretch. **

**Leave me lots of love and review please **

**xoxo**


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